| Ego is a bitch. It's been hiding behind curtains all my life, I know its there, but I dont know how big it really is.
I try to be modest, but there seems to be a monster inside of me. It's getting in between the girl and me, I can finally sense it as I'm thinking about my game. It's a timidness because of a need to be approved.
I have trouble really shouting out my emotions, or really forcing any emotion, acting emotions, which I suppose would be good to do without, but I want to maintain a direct game where I set up a frame with a happy vibe.
I need to dissolve my ego, I know I do. It is a subject that has gotten the best of me for too long. If I'm right my game is the naturals direct approach with clear body language and I'd rather be funny than cocky, though I respect cocky now, I have felt it's powers. But I don't want to be a jerk, I will need to keep my colors on my sleeve, and cockiness hasn't been there ever.
I've gotten shot down by AMOGs and bitch shields, now I realize thats ego, and I think I've gotten that under control now, using ignoring and humor as my way out. But the awkwardness... Oh the awkwardness, I swear that must be the bane of me, maybe if someone watched my game they'd see it right away, but I wouldn't say I have approach anxiety, it's not a real issue. It's like maybe a lack of gambits, but that will only carry me so long. I think I just need to keep the frame and let others talk, then be myself, who is usually funny. But sometimes I get rejected for no reason.
An example of good to bad
I met a girl that worked at a funny little store named spencers. I immediately hit it off with her, I got two IOIs, but they stopped there as I asked, how can we meet up tonight then (hoping for a phone number) she said she'd be at a club. The conversation was at an end I think because she had to get back to work and as she walked past me she touched my arm sweetly. I turned and almost asked for her number, but ended up just half stretched out then said nevermind (thinking of mysterys rule not to ask for numbers). My friends lingered in the store, and so did I, staying with them even knowing it was making it more awkward with this girl... So I talked to her some more about her job, small talk that went no where, finally the friends left and I followed, saying goodbye to this gal.
That night I did end up bumping into her, she greeted me with a smile and she talked about her night so far. I took her arm and rested it in mine and told her I'd introduce her to my friend Zach, he was at the bar. I like having her at my arm as a pivot and because I liked her. Once we got to the bar I said we should just wait to meet him till he had gotten his drink. All of the sudden she unlatched pulled away and said "I gotta go, meet... someone else" and hurried off.
Ive been trying to disect this one in particular, thinking back I thought about body language, I wasnt too close, I wasnt to loud or quiet, I smelled good and had a listerine thing earlier... I was friendly and I didnt try any indirect shit at that point with her, I felt comfortable enough with her to be myself. What is this??
I thought It might be ego related (like how I was awkward at the shop, and maybe what i was doing, introducing her to my friend, was awkward), or at least it became ego related because I went into a PU slump after that, moved around the outside of the club, seeing only one decent set, opened them, went nowhere, and switched to a different club where I had more success, but no number-close, just a kiss-close.
That was sort of besides the point, but ego ego ego, Its hiding from me and I dont want it.
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