I'm really having trouble letting go of a previous relationship I had. It was a traumatic experience for me and has affected my ability to interact with other people.

There was a girl I met last summer that I was totally crazy over. We spent a tremendous amount of time in class together (over 100 hours in a month), and spent a lot of time outside of class as well.

She eventually gave me a LJBF speech, which initially hurt me until she started sending huge IOIs, such as watching movies and sleeping in my bed. Once this started happening, I kept cool as a cucumber. A week after the LJBF speech, she invited me to her house to eat dinner with her and her mom. After dinner, we made out in her bedroom. I thought that I had succeeded, that I had finally closed on the girl that I had always dreamed of; my perfect match.

The next day she totally chastised me over the phone, rudely reiterating that we were only going to be friends and nothing more.

I took all of this very personally and replied with a semi-angry email (but nothing threatening or inappropriate) a few days later. She responded by permanently ending our relationship. It caught me completely off guard.

She was one of my favorite people in the world, and definitely my favorite girl. I truly wanted something to come out of our relationship; and we were becoming extremely close. I loved her, but I held my feelings in check until she chastised me that evening. I've had my share of successes and failures, but this experience has completely wrecked me; I even considered suicide for the first time. The anguish was just unbearable.

When I discovered this community, it really helped a lot. Learning pickup concepts helped me to make sense of it all. I've gone out a lot, and have done well, but even in the presence of other girls I still feel it. In fact, I often have these weird flashbacks when I am in set with other girls.

I really don't know what to do. Its been four months now and I'm still wrecked. I even reunited with a previous girlfriend, but I still have crazy oneitis for the other girl. In case you're wondering, I haven't been calling her nor have I ever engaged in any stalker-like behavior.

I'm not looking for answers as to what went wrong. I know what happened, I just need help getting past it. Its really bothering me. I've even considered professional help.

What should I do?

from your post it didnt look like you two were in a real relationship to begin with

but from the words of neil if you think that girl is so special, go out fuck 10 other women and see if shes still so special.

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Don't ever let somebody tell you.. you can't do something. Not even me. All right?

You got a dream.. you gotta protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want something, Go get it. Period.

I think EVERYONE has been in a relationship that you wish you could get back to... or several... When I moved right before highschool, it completely devastated me. All my LTRs disappeared. I had no friends. I withdrew a lot, and I think it caused me to become the AFC I was. Basically I didn't want to deal with people anymore.

I think a lot about "what could have been", and possibly even subconsciously trained myself to look for possible matches based on my previous relationships (which isn't healthy either!) You don't want to do this. You need to move on. Actually do this - move on, learn a lot more PU, and then in a few months (a year?) catch a cup of coffee with her and your new PUA persona. If you click, great, if not, consider it over with finality.

my 2 pennies...

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"A man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks, he becomes." - Mohandas Gandhi

Hey man, I've actually had a very similar experience recently (which still hurts like hell) and also have severe clinical depression but I won't patronise you by trying to pretend I know exactly how you feel. No one could possibly KNOW how you feel but take comfort in the fact that there are people close to you who CARE how you feel. I would recommend getting professional help, there's nothing wrong with it and you'd be surprised how many people go to counselling and how effective it is.

Other than that I really don't have any solution for the problem because I haven't found one myself yet for my own situation. What I would recommend is building a more female-rich social circle though. Not even nessecarily girls you want to game, just a social circle consisting mainly of women. It's great for giving you an abundance mentality (making you realise that there are lots of great women out there), making you realise that you can become very close to other women again without even the pressure of having a romantic relationship and just because girls make great friends and can be much more supportive as good friends than guys.

Hope this helps anyway, best of luck man

My experience with that girl was the reason I got into PUA. Just as much as I was upset by what had happened, I was also confused by the parts of it that went well. How was I able to get past the LJBF speech and still close? Why did she make out with me, knowing it would likely destroy our friendship? (we really were close. no bs)

I also swore that what happened with her could NEVER be allowed to happen again. Never again could I be allowed to fail in anything I was so emotionally invested in. I would take whatever steps or changes were needed to insure this.

So once I was finally back on my feet, I went on a quest for answers, and in my quest I found the seduction community.

From there I figured out what happened:

I didn't understand that just because she wasn't consciously interested in dating, it didn't mean she wasn't attracted. Attraction isn't a choice. In terms of the making out; I had unknowingly kino escalated her into it over the course of the week.

Attraction + physical comfort = making out.

"To attract a specific woman, you need to be attractive to women in general. If you want an old girlfriend back, of if you want to be with a girl who is special to you, you won't make that happen by obsessing over it or trying even harder. To do so is "reactive" , which means it's a short sighted emotional response that ignores the existance of a larger problem. Being reactive will only make you less appealing, because you are focused on taking value from the girl rather than cultivating it within yourself. And if you've been reacting or obsessing, then you've usually already blown it in ways you don't realize...."

source: Tyler Durden

sent you PM btw.

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"A man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks, he becomes." - Mohandas Gandhi

Guru...

Ok, we kinda adressed this a bit last night in the chat. The thing is, your story is very simlar to mine in why I am here. Met what I thought was a great girl and we made all of these connections. Blah blah blah... you know how it ends.

Anyway, what I am trying to get at is that she may have some major commitment issues. She could have this feeling that she is getting to close to you and is running scared. Like she is claustrophobic. (sp?) She sounds like she has been hurt really bad in the pastand expects that if the two of you get any closer you will do the same as all the other men in her life have done. I am going to take a guess and say her dad is not in the picture. Am I right?

Reality is, she is not coming back. So you have two options here. You can hold on, or let go. Your choice. Holding on to the fantasy is only going to cause you pain longer. Letting go will let the healing begin. Fucking 10 other women will not fix this. At that point you are just trying to fuck the pain away. That is not going to work.

Pull her off of this pedistal you have put her on. I understand she was special to you, but it is time to move on. This is what I tell every guy or girl that has oneitis.
Good luck bro,

CK

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success is my only mother fucking option, failure is not.

You actually are right; that was very intuitive of you. Its a funny story: she grew up thinking that her mom's ex-husband was her dad, but her real dad was actually this European bodybuilder that her mom randomly hooked up with. She's never met him. To this day, the fake dad doesn't know he isn't her real father. The fake dad wasn't really in the picture either.

I guess part of my difficulty is that the memories I want to forget are anchored to memories that I really need to remember, which was a professional training course. We did a one-month accelerated ESL teaching program where we sat and worked together for over 100 hours. Very little of it was lecture; it was almost entirely games, pair work, and group activities, so we got to be very close.

Sorry to hear about your condition. It is unfair what the girl did to you, but she is clearly so messed up herself that only years of therapy's going to sort her out. The best thing to do now is to focus on stuff that's going to bring delight into your life. Enrol in a course to improve yourself, do volunteer work, etc. Focus on doing good things and eating healthy food. This will help in your game later on and make you feel better about yourself. Nobody likes being dumped the way it happened to you. The worst thing you can do is to avenge yourself on other (innocent) girls by doing the same to them.

I'm actually cool now.

To seriously like and miss a girl that doesn't like me is an illogical behavior, and its not going to help my cause. By doing this, I'm automatically coming from a frame of scarcity and not abundance.

ultimately, it is up to you to choose how you feel. never give a girl the power to make you feel anything. she didnt make you feel the way you did, you chose to feel that way based on what she gave you. if you change your reactions to this behavior now, you will realize she is the messed up one not you.

ive gone through this process a couple times actually. i actually thought i might have posted this at first.

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fly by night away from here
change my life again

wow... i guess you're just like me then.
I too have had a very bad experience with a woman who left me crushed because she left me for another guy during my football season because "I wasnt there for her." i have to be honest and say that whole experience brought me to become a PUA, but when i thought i over her, fu**ing other women, our anniversary date comes up, and i started hurting again.
keep your head up brother and im telling you with a serious tone of voice that the more women you meet, the more potential you have to find another woman of your wild dreams and more. just like Style said: fu*k 10 other women and see if that flower is still so special.

good luck buddy,

G.L

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rAFC. I'm on a good path.
16 yrs. old, and loving it.

Seriously guys, I really am ok now. It seems I have struck a chord in some people.

The reason for my anguish was that I was resisting a reality that I could neither change nor accept.

If you learn to stop resisting and start accepting things that you can't change, the pain will fade away.