background

was out last week, went outside for some fresh air; saw a HB9 & we exchanged eye contact for a few minutes. went back inside & saw her dancing with a (female) friend of mine so went over & began to dance with the friend; she told me the HB9 was single & intro'd us. the HB9 tried to talk but the music was loud so i let it fizzle out; night ended soon after.

but i managed to catch her name over the music so went on FB & found her; usually wouldn't add a girl in this way but her details said she's from out-of-town so i chanced it thinking she's just in town for Uni commitments. she add'd me; then sent me a message asking if we'd met; at first she played like she hardly remembered me but after a bit of convo admitted she had. her internet connect was weak so she sent me a message apologizing for being cut off, i replied "no internet, that what phones are for", she said she liked the way i basically asked for her number & gave me it.

so we texted then IM'd that night, she said she'd just broke up with her ex, the night we met, i'm not out as much as i used to be but come to find out i know of her ex; & he knows of me; we're 'cool'. she said she'd only only given me her number because i'm "hot" (go figure) but that she felt bad moving on so quickly.

a few days later, a Sunday, she initiated the IM's, convo got a little deeper, she asked what i look for in a woman etc. was a decent exchange. one question i asked her sticks out; i asked her how many of her friends she told about me (dunno why) & she said she'd told her housemate (more on this later).

i IM'd her the next day, convo was actually going really well but i made a flirtatious comment (nothing overt - she'd been talking about buying lingerie online & my comment wasn't on that level) & it must have set off an alarm in her head because she said she felt that "deep down texting a hot guy is wrong" because she'd only just broke up with her ex. so i played it cool & said maybe she needed some time to think it through, & told her i'd back off but she was insistent that i shouldn't; i said maybe i'd put her in an awkward position but she said i hadn't, she said she'd probably given out her number too quickly but she didn't regret it; she said (in numerous ways) her & her ex weren't going to get back together but i said i was skeptical and that she needed time. she re-assured me i'd made her feel at ease during our IMs & at the end of the convo said she hoped to speak soon.

couple days later, i IM'd her saying i'd thought about what she said & she was right we could keep talking; she took a while to respond (10-15mins) but hit me up with like 5 medium length messages saying, it's probably best we don't talk anymore & apologized again for giving her number out to me too soon. remember the housemate i was talking about earlier? the housemate told her ex that she'd been speaking to me; so he called her & they'd been arguing all night. at this point i froze, i didn't want to be too re-active so i basically said "ok" & slept on it.

next morning i sent her an IM telling her we'd done nothing wrong. she had kept remarking how she's 'a giver, too caring, too considerate' etc. so i told her if/when she starts putting herself first we should talk but also that i'm not going to be 'that dude' either. i said no need to reply, she didn't.

so. . .

obviously there has to be a freeze here, but how long? too short & i'm just appearing to add to her stress but too long & perhaps she loses the intensity. also, i've basically given her a decision to make so i can't rush that either.

also, ideas on how to break the freeze? i feel it's time to escalate to a call but part of me feels i should ease out the freeze out with a few texts/IMs, & then let her know i'll be calling her. . . ? we've not spoke on the phone before so call out of a freeze seems like a no-no.

i've never really used a freeze out before so all suggestions will be heeded.