Could someone help me make this story better as i feel it lacks something (see below).


Hook/ lead in: Have any of you guys been to Scotland
Them: No/ yes bla bla…
Well I was there recently with my ex-girlfriend and her family. We all decided to go to the beach for the day. We find these hue sand dunes, so we decided to hang round them for lunch and have a bit of fun. After lunch my friends little sister, who was about 3 at the time, decided to play on the sand at the bottom of dunes. I was at the top with my ex-girlfriend when I heard an almighty crack and out of the corner of my eye I saw this tree breaking away from the top about to fall down the dune towards her. In the next second I had jumped to save my ex’s little sis. It must have been a instinct of something because I did it before even thinking. Anyway I grabbed her and carried her to safety. When I put her down she burst into tears and just hugged me. It was a really good feeling knowing that her family were grateful of what I did that day. And because of that dune I will never go to Scotland again.

Also i am struggling with having a story to tell early on in A2 which is funny and short any ideas. Thanks

It just looks like you are trying too hard (blowing your own trumpet). Also I do not know how your project yourself face to face but I felt uninvolved didn't really care about what you were saying.

_________________
"That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there!"--Copy store clerk (Jerry Maguire)

Yeah sounds like a lot of pompous bragging. "I'm so awesome I saved a little girl." Also if you're hanging out on sand dunes, where do the trees come from? Most trees don't grow in sand.

~Antithesis

DHV'ing doesn't mean you have to be a super-hero.

To show DHV dosent necessarily need a story. Tell her something unique about yourself and make it interesting this sets you out from other guys and there you go u just DHV'd.

My usual DHV is that im a musician, speak 2 languagues and lived in different parts of the world. Now obviously i dont say it like that but i while in conversation i will say "This town is very different to where im originaly from" she'll ask where im from and ill say where im origninaly from and how i came about to live in this town. DONE

In my opinion DHV story-s sholud be at least half true. (truer the better) If you are not convincing enough it is useless. I usually tells stories about my life and of course I usually tell only the good part of it. For example if I tell that I meet two girls who hit on me. Even if they are fucking beautiful model I don't give a shit about there looks ( there are other vaules too if you act cool they will imagine the coolest girls into your story) so I tell her what funny things they said or do or what funny thinks you liked about their behaviour so create an entertaining story instead of telling how sexy they were because if I do it it seems as a show-off.

So my ex-girfriend who is a model and me saved her little brother or sister from death is not the best story to start with. Even if it's true it is not creditable enough. So if you want to tell story about your model ex-girlfriend tell that you played a lot of bowling too with your best friend too because after work you had to wait an hour every wednesday for your ex-girlfiend 's photoshots. So wednesday was a bowling day (or wahatever you did).

Of course if they know you and they know that you are a cool guy they will believe it even if you exaggerate or unbeliveable (it should contain some truth of course if you are a perferfect in liar you can tell anything).

You: Have you ever been in Scotland?
Girl: Yes/No.
You: We were there recently with my ex-girlfriend and her family. The weather was nice so we went to the beach. There were these dunes and we decided to hang round them for lunch. My friend's little sister, who's 3 decided to play on the sand at the bottom. We were eating at the top when we heard some strange sound. I got really worried so I went down and took her. And after 30 seconds a tree fell down on the ground. I really like the girl and I don't even want to imagine what could have happened... I'm glad that everything ended well! But now I don't really like Scotland. (smile)

What about this version? It's a little shorter and the "protector of loved ones" is more subtle so it doesn't sound like bragging(at least in my opinion )