There is something I really need to learn about the dynamics of attraction, and that is, I'm really good at becoming friends with women, but that turns into a disadvantage when I'm sexually interested in her. It seems like I'm very good at validating her experience, and listening to her, etc, but when I really like someone, it is like I try to get a sense of their world view, and then I try to shape myself into some person that fits really well into that world view, and somewhere along that way I start to loose my integrity, and I end up with giving her too much power in the relationship, and she looses attraction. So I guess that attraction compared to friendship is much more about both making advances, but also pushing her more away at the same time, so where is a good place to learn more about these dynamics?

For one thing I would guess getting a clearer sense of ones identity would be a good idea.

You essentially nailed your problem. You trying to make yourself fit into her world is lowering your value because you are attempting to qualify yourself to her. What you need to be doing is getting her to want to fit into your world. It's just fixing your mindset on the whole thing and you believing in your value. That means if you have a belief, don't be afraid to disagree with a woman.

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Ideally a woman knows implicitly within the first 5 seconds of meeting you that you are potentially interested in her as a sexual option, if she's cool enough to hang w/ u.

There it is buddy.

Your mindset needs work mate. I, like many others on here I'm sure, have been there to some degree. There is no magic pill that is going to make you think differently, and it's a long road to shift your entire way of thinking. You definitely answered your own question like the previous posters pointed out. One way I dramatically improved my game from the start was to focus on myself. You can learn all the routine stacks in the world, even get attraction down pat, c&f, push/pull, build rapport, but if you do not place value on who you are as a person, then none of this will mean shit. If your self esteem is low, you will not be confident, you will not believe the words coming out of your own mouth, and she will smell it a mile away. You are trying to change yourself to fit into a world that you think she will like because you do not value your own enough to believe that she would want to be a part of it. Start focusing on creating a life that YOU are happy with, that is fulfilling to YOU. It may not be the be all end all, but being successful with girls is a by-product of living a happy, fulfilling life. When you live your life that way, you are confident, you are happy with who is staring back at you in the mirror, you have all the self-esteem in the world, and you will no longer feel like you need to mold yourself to fit into ANYONE else's reality, because they will want to be a part of yours.

Food for thought.