Guys I need some good advice! There's this girl and my almost never ending story with her. She has been in a long distance relationship for 3 years now. I've met her 1,5 years ago and, damnit, she played me hard. I was totally lost, this has been the worst oneitis of my entire life. There hasn't been any escalation (I tried once or twice), only stupid cuddling in bed, lots of massaging, going to sauna together and shit like that.
Before summer break and her leaving for her hometown, staying with her bf for 2 months again, i fucked it up a bit with an afc move. I was then concerned to build up attraction again which seemed to work. Let me tell you in detail what the situation is like since summer break:

We stayed in touch during summer break, each from our home towns. We found out that both of us had plans to go to the town we live in together around the same time. The weekend before she asked me if we would meet.
Thee week started, didn't hear a word from her. Middle of the week I texted her, asking if she was already there and what she was doing. She replied she was in town and told me about her day. She wasnt asking if I was around, how I was, or anything. I got pissed and didn't reply. In the middle of the night I received another message "And you? Are you here?" I was so pissed about her still playing this game that I told her I changed plans and wouldn't come.
3 weeks later she texted me "Are you at your home town this weekend?". I told her it wasn't all clear since a was about to be on the road these days and wanted to know if she was around. She never responded.

2 weeks later she would start liking every new picture and status of mine on fb. As university started again she started contacting me once in a while. Very softly by asking "Are you here this weekend?" and shit like that. I'd never ask her to meet and she wouldn't either. She was then trying to make me host a halloween party. I told her I'd decide on that during the following days and finally asked her if she would help me set things up. "Of couuuurrsseee!" she replied, followed by asking me if our common friend was also going to make plans with us. She tried to bring him in in order to not be alone with me. When this didn't work she asked me to go for a drink instead of coming to my place. I was stupid to accept but then called her again and told her I was too lazy to leave the house and asked for meeting the next day. I didn't contact her anymore and finally texted her 3 days later that I wasn't in the mood to host a party and that I'd go to the capitol celebrating halloween (harrharr). While I was gone she texted me again, some lame bullshit, just to stay in touch. I didn't respond. I've seen her at university a couple of times then and she always seemed to try making me ask her to meet up. She even invited people to her place to hang out and told me about it the next day, trying really hard to make me jealous (she hardly invites people, I my best friend lives together with her). We then met at a party, I almost didn't talk to her. She tried to get in touch with me couple of times, even put her feet on my chair and some shit, but I ignored her. She saw me almost making out with a girl for a second and finally I left the party with that girl to go out and dance.
2 days later she called me 3 times and texted me, if I wanted to hang out at her place, playing some music (I expected more people to be there). I replied in the evening that I've been to the sauna (the one I went to with her couple of times) all day. The next day we met at a course at university and she put some effort in being close to me. She told me she also wanted to go to the sauna the day before ("Can you image we would have met there??"). In that class there were groups to be formed for working together for half a year from now on. She managed to make me join all groups that she was in (inviting me, or suggesting the group to have a guitarist - since I was the only one). I've seen her on a jam session since where I neither talked much to her nor ignored her. Apart from that I haven't heard from her since. We'll see each other tomorrow at the class again.

It feels like proportions of power have changed. Can I make use of that? Or shall I better get the hell outta there and meet her as little as I can? Part of me still wants to have sex with her (when I think back about her talking about sex it can still drive me crazy), part of me wants to see her suffer. No clue what to do... If I decide to continue the game: How do I recognize the right moment to become active?

Cheers, reas0n

She's in a relationship. If she hooks up with you or anyone else, she's a cheater. You wouldn't want that done to you. She has low moral value. disqualified.

She played you hard? Well you could've seen this coming seeing that she has a boyfriend already. Maybe you played yourself with your expectations of someone who has shown to be shady.
You are basically telling her, "I was not planning on going home but I would go home to meet up with you." You're sounding like you don't have anything going on, displaying low social value.
You had a chance to meet up and make something happen. You said you were too lazy to go out. How can you be asking others for help, when you don't take the opportunity to capitalize on a situation that will bring results?

Why would you trust an unreliable person with any responsibility of a social gathering? She is trying to create a venue for herself to party. She is sucking value off you and offering what exactly?

Where do you expect things to go if you ignore her? If you want to fuck a girl, you have to make a move. She isn't going to just crawl into your bed and fuck you in your sleep.
Really you need to actually do something here, and move on. GFTOW. One girl is not worth your time. You don't even know this girl and what you do know is not a display of redeeming qualities. You seriously have not said one thing nice about her. She isnt worth your time. If you have expendable time and she happens to hit you up at the right moment, have her over or go to her place and fuck her. Or just plain lay it out on the table, "Hey I am only looking to hook up here."

You should be putting your efforts into more personal and social activity. You could friendzone this girl and use her for her social status and venture into her circles and other associated social circles.

You have to go into your situations trying to get the most out of, and offer the most to them.

_________________
Attraction is a choice.
ITS YOUR CHOICE!
Spread Love
-Ders


www.facebook.com/spreadloveders

You're right, I could have. On the other hand, when I first met her, I didn't know about that. She didn't talk about her bf for 4 months or so. I've learned she had one from someone else after 2 weeks or so. All I knew from then on was, she had been in a long distance relationship for half a year. Since we've been crazy after each other at that time, texting each other 3 times a day, seeing each other almost every, I thought she might have been up for a new beginning. Moving to another country, since then having a bf that wouldn't visit her more than once a year (which is true up to now). I felt there was a little chance things would change.
Didn't make that all clear in detail. I actually wanted to come to town to give some lessons, part of my job, but it turned out my students didn't find time. I told her I had other plans in my home town and stayed therefore, which was actually true. She was then trying to make me feel bad about it by telling me "yeeeah.. but I will just stay one and a half more days..."
That other situation I told about was like.. I was playing concerts in my home town and another city. Wasn't sure if I'd stop over during the weekend and therefore told her I couldn't promise anything.
I actually felt there were not a lot of positive feelings left for her after summer break. But if I'm right she's really good at manipulating people and she was sneaking into my head again. I was going through a howl bandwidth of feelings of wanting to host a party in the first place, not wanting to host it anymore when she asked me, host it without inviting her, finally make a little step towards her again. But when she tricked me to leave the house instead of meet up at my place, which was what i fixed with her before, I was pissed and figured I was telling her "No, I'm not gonna make my plans fit yours. Then fuck off"
A little more I feel like telling her that this doesn't feel right anymore and quit. But thats a tough decision. If I continue not reacting to her vage approaches I expect her to make a proper request about meeting up without fooling around (not sure if that sounds too hard since english is not my mother language). No other people as protection shields. I've been kissing and biting her neck in the past, she's been gently stroking my naked chest - it can't be that hard to hang out, just the two of us, if she really wants to see me.
For a long time I thought I knew her. And what she was presenting to me were some of the most stunning things I've seen in a woman ever. She seemed to have high self esteem. Always fought back, quick-witted. Seemed like not being concerned about beauty too much. Wouldn't use make up a lot. I felt she didn't need anyone to tell she was beatiful, which is very rare as far as I've experienced. But perhaps she's a lot more vulnerable und insecure than i thought. Perhaps shes in fact a little princess and not the down-to-earth woman i thought she was (that could live with a "no" once in a while without causing drama). Perhaps I've read here completely wrong. Perhaps she's the best actor, player and lier that I've ever met and therefore tricked me from the beginning on. If only I knew for sure u know?
If I can do that without developing feelings for her again I'll try..

Don't make her important. Find more women. If she is 1 of 1 she is more precious than if she's 1 of 10. Go out and approach women. Find the time to do it. Make yourself do it. Do it.

_________________
Attraction is a choice.
ITS YOUR CHOICE!
Spread Love
-Ders


www.facebook.com/spreadloveders

Guys, I had a reahearsal in a trio with her yesterday. We've been hardcore flirting the whole time. The moment we were alone in the kitchen I approached her, held her, slightly dancing, stroking her tummy. She whispered "What do you want from me, my friend..?". I could tell from her voice she was turned on. I then spanked her and went out of the room. During the ongoing rehearsal she would then play footsie with me. After going out of the house, on the train, we talked about going to the sauna. I was going that night and she was busy and therefore complained all the time how unfair it was that she couldn't join me. She accidentally touched my dick standing close to me. The last thing before we both went our ways was that she asked me, when we would play a duo.
I texted her in the middle of the sauna evening how good it was and told her I was having a practice session today, asking if she wanted to join me. She didn't respond at all. I just know from a friend that she was smoking pot yesterday night with a friend.
She either missed the message (i doubt that very much), plays a freeze out, or cooled down and that this was a bad idea. What do you believe is the best way to behave in this case?