It was like 3am and I get this call from my little cousin. Now I had been out with some friends all night and was in bed...so normally I wouldn't even answer it. But it just felt weird...you know? Like if she was calling this late at night...something...must...be wrong. So I answer and she is hysterically crying... shes llike "Ry...I'm a fuckin...mess. Brian...Brian just hooked up with...this random girl! I dont know if I can...even go on. I'm so depressed...I may just kill myself. Can you pick me up? I can't drive myself home in this state" And obviously it's my little cousin...so I just hop right out of bed and I'm like "Babe, Amanda, my little cousin is in trouble I gotta roll but I'll be back."

So I'm way out on some back road...in the middle of Bumblefuck. I finally get to the house she's at and I dont see her car out front. And my heat...STOPS...I'm fearing the worst...I jump out of my car and start running towards the house...I get inside and...I'm screaming her name trying to find her...finally...I see her on the couch by herself...shes hysterical crying...I run over to her and throw my arms around her and she stops crying...

...and this WAVE of relief washes over me...thank..GOD...she didn't...drive herself home.

She pushes me away...and puts her finger...over my mouth...as if to say be quiet. you know the universal sign of stop talking? All of a sudden...she EXPLODES... into laughter...then turns to me and says...I just gave brian and that bitch some frosted sugar cookies...except...I replaced the vanilla icing... with...super glue... and they BOTH...just...fed each other them.
And that's why I love my little cousin.

Honest answer mate...Its not very good....
This is why...

There is only 1 spike... That you kinda look out for you little cousin, That's its...
Plus you also make her sound a little nuts.

O and that you might have mates who you with out with and then may or may not have gone to find her while you are drunk ( if you where drinking)

TBH mate all in all not great....

If you like i will help you too make a better one...

Give me some info....

Ie hobbies , Jobs , Car , Things that you are very proud of and accomplishments ?

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Stylelife Academy Intern

Your story needs some more work. like the other Guy said, you had only one spike. And the super glue end kind of seems like a Dick move.

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Hey look at that!
What?
That! You dont see it?
No not really....
Oh come on theres nothing i just wanted to talk to you. Whats your name?

And you try to drop the fact that you were with some girl in bed. "Babe, Amanda, I gotta go."

That part was lame and confusing. Doesn't seem like these people who read it even noticed that.

I was actually wondering why he said that line. I didn't like it very much either. In my opinion it seems like you would be making all this up if I ever heard it.

Honestly bro I think its a bit dramatic and on the down side for showing value. I can see your trying to use structure which I my self do as well ....however woman tend to see through this stuff. I find letting out hints and demonstrating value that way are more natural.. you know the whole theory of if you try to impress someone you usually don't.

I keep my stories smple and route them well..almost make mistakes as I am telling them so it does not appear scripted..

one that works really well for me is about a good female friend I grew up with all my life and now has a crush on me and is calling me and texting me alot and I don't want to hurt her feelings as she means alot to me as a friend etc.. what's the best way I can go about this etc I focus on the emotional parts.. like not wanting to hurt a persons feelings... lookin after her when she was young... childhood memories tend to trigger emotions from most people especially women..