This is the first DHV story I've written so critique me.

I made it to act as a transitioner from A1.

[A1]
Open
FTC
Open Cont
Neg
[A2]
"Are you a dog person?"
"I gotta go in a second, but get this"-FTC
"The other day I was walking down the street with one of my friends and 2 pit bulls came rushing out of the woods growling. I managed to grab her and carry her up a nearby tree barley making it. I lost the left half of my jeans! I'm glad it wasn't my foot. After a while, they went away, but needless to say, cats are funner." -DHV, Protector of Loved ones, Interesting/Action?


I haven't thought of what to do after that, so any tips are appreciated, and any modifications are also appreciated.

I was considering saying "I was walking with one of my girl friends" instead of friends, but I feel like it's sort of desperate to mention the girl almost. By saying I am walking with a friend, then referring to her as she, twice, I communicate the message that I have many girls as friends and it's no big deal. Since i referred to friends as plural, she will automatically assume since one of these 'friends' I was walking with was a girl, the others are girls. Or at least, this is my reasoning behind the construction of this.

It also works to subtly neg her too, so if she's a dog person, It almost makes her feel like she likes a bad animals(or atleast how I framed it). If she is a cat person she will agree with me even further. I see this as a double edged blade. It is either a neg or a similarity I have with her. What do you guys think? Most girls are cat people anyways.


What do you guys think? Any improvements I should make? Where should I go after this?

Wouldn`t like to use that, but eh, nothing major wrong with the story.

Can you tell me reasons why?

I wouldn't use it because the story seems too over the top, I would never believe it.

hey I think everyone has a story they can use, I mean i use ditch the cat and its fairly true girls seem to really like it and its true so I have no problem relating to it, Im sure its in there somewhere and whats more if its incongruous because its a part of who you were its all good, if they ask questions you can just say it was a long time ago, adds mystery and element to your character

however I only use ditch the cat so I cant support my reasoning with evidence.

Also yeah too much on the dog story

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You not being happy is like the sun not giving the moon its light.... no matter what the world does its only half of what it used....