Well im new to this forum, but like any american I am not new to facebook. Lets face it most guys now and days would rather stay home and beat it to fb profile pictures then go out sarging sad? yes. Pathetic? most definitely. But since fb is one of the biggest online socializing tools heres some status updates for you.


1. I am dark and handsome. When it’s dark, I’m handsome.

2. If a genie ever gives me three wishes, goodbye Kardashians.

3.When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.

4.A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.

5.“Magnets destroy credit cards.” Not nearly as much as happy hours and women.

6.Sex burns up 350 calories each time. Please help me, I’m on a diet.

7.A married man should forget his mistakes; There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

8.Dijon vu: the feeling you’ve had this mustard before.

9.Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.

10.I wish all my electronics came with as much memory as a girlfriend or wife.

11.Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

12.Everyone has that one friend you just can’t bring anywhere cause they always embarrass you. If you can’t think of who that friend is, it’s you.

Ok theres a few. Girls usually will start more convos with you if you have witty things to say. Also dont update your fb 5 or 6 times a day with these no one likes those ppl lol. Feel free to add more.

I'm afraid most of these are major DLV's. Not only because you are trying to make people laugh and/or like you, but many feature you as the butt of the joke. Making fun of yourself so people will like you? DLV. Big time.

1. I am dark and handsome. When it’s dark, I’m handsome.
Translation: I'm ugly. Laugh at my joke about my looks.

2. If a genie ever gives me three wishes, goodbye Kardashians.
Translation: I care about celebrities I will never meet.

3.When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
Translation: I'm full of shit and now you don't want to talk to me.

4.A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.
Ehh: Not as bad as the others. Still not really a worthy update.

5.“Magnets destroy credit cards.” Not nearly as much as happy hours and women.
Translation: I buy women lots of drinks. And I'm broke.

6.Sex burns up 350 calories each time. Please help me, I’m on a diet.
Translation: I'm overweight and/or desperate.

7.A married man should forget his mistakes; There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Translation: I don't learn from my mistakes even though they still bother you.

8.Dijon vu: the feeling you’ve had this mustard before.
Ehh: Harmless joke, not really a point to posting this though.

9.Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
Translation: I like to drink. (Could be good for some people, bad for others).

10.I wish all my electronics came with as much memory as a girlfriend or wife.
Translation: Depending on your social proof, this could be good: "Oh, his significant others care about him enough to hold their memories dear", or bad: "His significant others nag him and give him shit over the past, and he takes it and rants on facebook instead of standing up to them".

11.Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Ehh: Another harmless joke thrown in there. Still no point to them.

12.Everyone has that one friend you just can’t bring anywhere cause they always embarrass you. If you can’t think of who that friend is, it’s you.
Translation: I either just found out I'm the embarrassing friend, or I hangout with quiet non assertive people like myself because we stay in our comfort zone.


Those are my takes on the lines, I personally wouldn't use any of them. If you are sure that something is good though, than go for it! At worst it'll be a learning experience. Best of luck to you!

_________________
Every girl is different. But not TOO different.

In the end, It's not about girls.

confuscious say "all those statuses sound like fortune cookie"

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

I used "Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol."

bang 3 hot party girls liked my status.

I think thats really the only usable one if you actually do drink a lot and all the girls you have on facebook like to drink.

But thanks for the status

good lookin out man im still new at this so any help is good

U guys are analyzing this way too much. Some of them are DLV's (like #1 and #6 for example) that i wouldn't post. But for the most part they're funny. They'll make people laugh. Just use em.

_________________
"Dream as if you'll live forever... live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery... None but ourselves can free our minds. - Bob Marley

In my opinion there are all lame and will not help you in any way winning a girl. People with statusses like these irritate me actually. And most people I meet have the same stance on this subject.
If you want to show your wit on fb, to me it seems way more effective responding witty on statusses of others.

Hmmmm. I have to disagree P-Style. I've met plenty girls through facebook and while those may not be gold they aren't that bad. I actually posted #12 today and got a lot of responses. Its not always about what makes you look alpha. Alpha's good too but sometimes its good to just write something that will start a conversation. It presents a a good opportunity to build some rapport with girls that comment. It also builds your social value if plenty different people comment. Kind of like a girl seeing you with a big group of friends in a club. Or seeing you talking to other girls. If you're the one that posts the thread (starts the convo) it gives you higher social value than someone with just a witty comment for two reason. #1 you started the discussion and its on your page which makes you the leader of the circle. Also any alpha that comments on your status makes you look alpha too. But... to each his own.

_________________
"Dream as if you'll live forever... live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery... None but ourselves can free our minds. - Bob Marley

Yeah you've got a point when it actually leads to women responding to it. But is it certain they always will?
And even when the answer is yes like in your case will that lead to women wanting to date you? When you go out in your local area, will they be thinking "omg it's that dude with the funny fb status"? I still have serious doubts.

Like xD

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In AFC Jail (x

Some of my winners.

Being a real man doesn't mean you sleep with 100 girls. It means you fight for 1 while 99 are chasing you.

_____ is now with 40% more awesome.

I don't think it's too much to ask to be told an epic story, or be shown what an awesome cook you are, or even have you show me something you're passionate about while we're on a date. But, to expect me to fall all over you because you're attractive. No thanks

Remember fellas, take it from your ol pal _____. If she is single, there is a reason.

is wrong for you anyway.

_________ a tradition of excellence since 1980

I think not giving a damn can be quite refreshing.

Ahhhhh winning. And it feels so good.

Has had enough of women who are beautiful on the outside.

is totally convinced now. Brunettes are more fun.


Thats over about 2 months....

I don't spend too much time thinking of how to display value through a facebook status...but here is a couple of my own status updates that got a lot of feedback.

1.

"Good guys finish last so girls can finish first."

*Side-note* (If a girl comments you asking if you're a nice guy, post back "I always make women finish first".)

2.

"Taking nicotine patches at night to get vivd/lucid dreams. Give it a try. It's amazing."


And the last one is so simple, but gets so many people to comment...

3.

"What's on your mind?"

I am going to use all of these lol

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It's not lying, it's flirting.

Thank you

Some nice status updates!

But one status I don't understand:
3.When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.

--> I think it's never good that a woman thinks you don't listen to her...
Or am I wrong??