Hi everyone,

I need some advice for building attraction.

I've got a girl I'm working on. HB9 brunette. I met her on the bus one day coming back into town after being overseas. She was actually sitting across the aisle next to another guy who was talking to her, and I started talking to him after about 20 minutes, so it didn't look at all like I was hitting on her. Anyway, at the end of the trip I had her email address. Nice. After a couple of weeks (long time I know, but things were a bit frantic at home after the trip) I got in touch and we went out for dinner and a movie, and hit it off nicely. The conversation was flowing freely, I was paying a lot of attention to body language and she was definitely a bit reserved at first but opening up by the end of the night. Not much kino but she definitely returned body contact as we parted (I rubbed her upper arm when we greeted, and she did the same to me as we departed).

Last weekend we got together to wander around the local market and have lunch. This time I gave her a hug as we met, and she returned at the same level as we parted. Conversation was good. As we wandered around the market I made a point of not sticking to her like glue, so I didn't seem needy/creepy. The only catch was I'd fallen off my bike that morning and my legs were badly grazed and bandaged up, so I wasn't exactly Mr Enthusiastic & Outgoing - it was more of a low-key chat and enjoy each other's company, rather than madly DHVing by showing what an energetic guy I am.

My sense is that at the moment it's 50/50 whether things go straight into the friends zone, or I steer it the other way and get to f-close. So what I need/want is some advice about strategies to steer away from the friends zone, and build attraction with her. Her willingness to email/txt me, return my calls, and some of her body-language tells me that I've built comfort, but I need to build attraction. And I'm open to suggestions. Specific suggestions are better than generalities, please. One thing that occurs to me is that we have been discussing what kind of food we like to cook - I was considering telling her she should invite me around for dinner, thus getting her into a position of feeling she has to prove to me that she's as good a cook as she says - making her try to DHV to me. The only catch there is the presence of her housemate - I'm thinking that anti-slut defence may make her reluctant to start getting attracted to me in front of someone she lives with. Also I mentioned there's not much kino. She seems to be the kind of girl who keeps herself very closed, so I'm not sure if I need more comfort before kinoing, or I need to show her that I'm comfortable with being touched.

An extra piece of info - she's insanely busy at work (behind the bar at a nightclub, pretty-much every night of the week), so she's rarely available to catch up. I want her to be acheing to get in touch with me when she's got free time, not for me to be trying to connect with her when she's available (i.e. not let it all be on her terms)

Any advice/suggestions will be welcomed.

Thanks in advance

If you act like a friend you are going to go straight into friends. To become a potential boyfriend you have to start to slowly ease into flirting. You email and text each other so that's good. Now start flirting with her via text and email. If you don't know how to do that try using cocky comedy in your texts
but in a flirtatious way.

Yep, cheers. I guess I was after specific ideas of whether I hadn't used enough kino, or whatever, but text-flirting is still good advice.

Are there any good strategies for getting at girls who have a lot of work commitments? I mean she's gotta have time off from work/study occassionally, so any good ways to make her spend that time with me, rather than just wanting to go home and reboot her brain?

I have been in kinda similar situation, but it was a little bit easier than yours as my girl was a lot more open.

Do you know what she like to do to unwind -- probably you do as you guys have spent reasonable amount of time together. See if you two can do those activities together. However, do not ask directly; I would start by asking how her work is going these day and lead her into talking about how busy/difficult/tiring it has been for her. If she is truly busy, she is pretty much guaranteed to shell it out. Show a genuine concern for her situation; next, get into the things she like to do to unwind. If she brings up some problems in doing what she wants to do, then that could be your opening to get involved by taking care of those problems. My girl likes going to the beach but does not want to go alone or to tag along with her friends who have BFs, so I had a reasonable opening.

Remember, this can only give you more time to spend with her. The risk of getting into the friend zone is still there, and you have to come up with a game plan for that. In fact, if you spend too much time without the attraction then it is more likely to get you into the friend zone.

The type of activity you do together can also be a factor; if you go to a bookstore and read serious books it is likely a path to friends' zone, but reading a joke book, with occasional jokes of sexual nature can move you towards f-zone.

Hope this is helpful. Let us know how it goes. Good luck!