Hey guys. Just a heads up, I have searched previous threads on what to do if a girl thinks you're a player and would nonetheless appreciate any advice from you'll related to my specific situation.

I'm a senior in college about to graduate. There's this freshman who is single that I've gotten to know over the last couple of weeks. We've hung out but always at nighttime when we're drunk. We've hooked up a bit, and I can tell she's interested in me.

That said, she has a couple of doubts about me. Although I have a good reputation on campus (I'm not considered a player), my best friend has a bad rep as a player, and he hooked up with this same girl last year. He's actually a nice guy, but he goes about getting girls in an aggressive manner. She thinks I'm just like him and that I'm only trying to get with her because it's like a competition between me and my friend to see who can get the most girls (he has no idea I'm trying to get with this girl).

A couple nights ago was her birthday. We hung out and were both really drunk. We made it to my room from a party and started hooking up. Halfway through she starts crying and says she can't do this and that she has to go. I let her leave. Also that night a lot of the times when I would say things, she would think I was trying to be smooth (even though I was just being myself) and tell me to stop it ("it" being teasing her or messing with her by making her think I like her, which I actually kind of do). She can't believe that I would be interested in getting to know her and hang out with her rather than just trying to hook up with her. It also doesn't help that I'm a senior about to graduate, so she thinks I'm just trying to get with her before I move on.

The next day we texted a couple times and made plans to hang out later that night. She said there was a party at her dorm and that I should stop by. I stopped by at the party. To be honest I wasn't feeling it, but I made the most of the night. She's known to be a girl who makes out with a lot of people at parties, and I saw her making out with one guy. I also made out with her a bit that night, but then some guy came into her room and she got really embarrassed. After that, the fact that her room was right outside the party made it very obvious that we were going to hook up if we went inside, and she didn't want people seeing her doing that I think for her reputation.

So we talked throughout the night and were flirting pretty well. But every now and then she would keep telling me to stop messing with her even when I was being sincere. She said she thinks I'm just trying to use her like my best friend did, and that she said I would have no investment in her since I'm graduating next month (I'll still be in the same city my college is located in next year if that matters).

Near the end of the night, I told her I was heading back. We hugged, and that was pretty much it. This was last night. I haven't texted her anything today. I'm not sure how to proceed. I know I need to qualify her, but every time I try, she thinks I'm just trying to game her. Also it would help if I hung out with her during the day and just tried to get to know her because when we hang out at night at parties, that implies I just want to get with her. I enjoy hooking up with her, but she's also a pretty cool girl that I wouldn't mind hanging out with just for fun.

***I've heard of girls who will tell guys that the guys don't really like them not because it's what the girls actually think but because they want to make the guy stop trying. It's like a nicer way of telling the guy she isn't interested. Do you'll think this is the case with this girl? The fact that she cried when she was with me makes me think otherwise.

We're both going to be in the same city over the summer, so even though I'm about to graduate, there's no need to rush things. At the same time though, I feel like if I don't show some interest, she's going to think I gave up on her after last night and moved on (which I will probably end up doing anyway).

To me, it sounds like she is very insecure. If I were you, I would ask her why she is so insecure. Thinking you only want her for her looks/body. Then you can use a routine from Mystery:

Tell her "yes, a good-looking girl is very attractive. But beauty is so common and all that attraction disappears, when a guy finds out she has no personality. You know what's actually rare to find in a person nowadays? A great energy and great personality. Or a great outlook." Tell her this in a sincere tone, like you are being for real now "for once".
In this case I wouldn't go with the usual flirty tone "So far you have 2 out of 3", but since you wanna qualify her "and you know what, you seem to be a very cool person, and I do want to get to know you better."

Even though this is a routine, read it a couple of times. Judging the person you are from your post, you actually have the same beliefs as in the routine. So make it your own, so you won't deliver it as a 'line', but as something you believe in yourself.

If she interrupts you, tell her, with a smile of course and little playfulness, to shut up and listen. Hold eye contact while you deliver the routine.


As for analyzing the situation:

You have attraction, but you went straight for seduction without building comfort. This makes girls think you are a player. Get together with her outside of campus, and start building some comfort before you try escalate again.

'I respect women and don't appreciate you thinking I don't because of your experience with somebody else. We share an XY chromosome and that's it.'

_________________

I'm a winner - I am going to win.

Hey guys - thanks for the great replies. What you'll said is really helpful. My friend pointed out that she could have been crying for several reasons. For example she cried because she was sleeping around too much or because she might have had feelings for another guy, or something unrelated to guys in general.

I would like to believe that she cried for me because she was finding herself getting emotionally attached to me and her crying and leaving my room was her way of showing her feelings to me and saying that even though she felt that way, she had to leave my room because she felt that I didn't like her in return and was only using her to hook up with her. Jabba1, in that sense your idea of her potentially being very insecure seems correct because she couldn't imagine that I would return her feelings.

That said, I could definitely see the reasons my friend brought up as being true too. I know I can't know for sure, but based on your experiences in the past, why do you think she was crying?

My friend also tried to make me think more realistically by pointing out that if I'm just one of the several guys she makes out with (think orbiter), then what makes me so special to her? He was telling me that when I have a serious heart-to-heart talk with someone, I only get one shot to make it work and be convincing. Otherwise maybe she's not into me after all.

Regardless, the fact that I probably showed too much interest to her the night after her birthday is making me think she has lost some attraction for me. It's an interesting question: to make her think I was more into her, I hung around at the party pretty late and tried to talk to her a lot instead of others there and in doing so probably lost some cool points socially, but in reality this probably just made her think that I wanted to hook up really badly with her when really I was trying to show interest in getting to know her. At what point does a girl who likes you stop liking you is the question I was thinking about the other day. The right thing would have been to skip the party and hang out with her during the day alone.

I'll probably run into her on campus sometime this week. Both of us study at the library a lot. I was thinking of just asking her if she wanted to study together in the library. Even though we don't have classes together, it would give us a chance to hang out one-on-one. Our library has a couple floors with study areas that are pretty private, so we could study there. And even though hanging out with a girl in the library isn't the first idea one might think of, it is finals period so I know she's going to be at the library anyway so it wouldn't take much compliance on her part. Plus, she would think I really just want to hang out with her since it's not like I would try to make a move on her in the library (well I could ...but I wouldn't in this case).

Or I could just wait until next week when finals are over to hang out with her. In the meantime, what do you recommend I do to prevent things from going stale? Send a funny, random text or two during the week? I won't mention the idea of hanging out unless things are going well.

She cried and said I can't do this? Personally, she is way too emotional for me. If you do eventually fuck her, which presumably is your intention? What will the aftermath of that be? She may have a fucking break-down, she may feel extremely guilty, or may self-harm, or do something extreme or unexplainable. It may cause trouble for you. My advice is go and find another girl who is more willing to have sex without being emotional about it.

Well I agree she was way too emotional in that moment-then again it was her birthday and she was really drunk. I dunno if she's like that normally (I'll find out soon enough). She's fucked other guys and she's still standing, I doubt she has break downs unless she really likes the guy and he just ditches her. That's what she thinks I'm going to do since I'm graduating and moving on, so she's trying to prevent herself from sleeping with me in the first place (explains why she left my room that night). I really don't think she would self-harm or do something extreme or unexplainable, but then again I really don't know her that well.