Yeah I know, my title sounds like a bad B-Movie. But just bear with me through this essay.

So I meet this girl in a bar Saturday. We talk for a bit, I tease he a bit, use the ESP trick (number 7), she laughs, blah blah blah, then I take her number, because supposedly I need to leave with my friend cause he's my ride. I hug her, give her two kisses on the cheeks and I leave.

I know she definitely wanted me, she's the one who approached me. Why I didn't fuck her then and there is my own personal reason.

Anyways, I call her 2 1/2 days later and talk to her on the phone for 2 minutes to arrange a meeting spot as to continue where we left off. I tell her first when I'm busy and then when I'm free. She also says she's busy the same day as I, as to mirror me. So I tell her I'll choose the spot, and text her the location. I say it's going to be some coffee shop because it's safe and if she's too weird then I can easily run away. She laughs, blah blah blah.

The day after, and this is my first time texting as far as pickups or dates go, so I don't have a lot of experience in this domain, I text her the following:

ME: Hi [insert name]
[Insert Place and Time]
Respond with "1" to confirm
Cya tomorrow.

SHE (responding an hour later) : hmmm. can't it be a little earlier? I have pretty hectic schedules...I have a car, but the parking spots in that area are rare. Isn't there a way we can travel together?

I respond an hour later, to match the time lapse between my first text and her response :

ME : Oh so you're a busy woman? I'll make an exception, this time...
I'll pick you up in my Ferrari . 20h15. What's your address.

SHE (responding an hour later) : haha , [insert address] Cya tomorrow

ME : Dress sexy. And wait for me at the entrance (of her apartment) . I'm tired of talking to you, I'm going to bed. Ciao.

Three minutes later :

SHE : You have a funny way of saying things

So by this point I'm feeling great, I've negged her a little, joked with her, and pushed her away, a little. I planned my next teases for tomorrow, I'm feeling confident that I'm gonna have a good night.

The day after, around 12h30 at noon, so tonight we were supposed to go out (you can guess the rest, lol), she writes this text :

SHE : I didn't really understand your way of texting yesterday. I don't feel like going out to see you tonight.

Two hours later I respond (and this is going to be my last communication with her) :

ME : haha, is this a joke? Anyways, this is really uncool of you cancelling at last minute like this. It's really too bad that you didn't understand I was just teasing you. But ok, it's your loss. If you change your mind, one of these days, you know how to contact me.

Bye doc (she's a med student).

3 full hours later she answers back, and this was so unnecessary :

SHE: in my opinion, this is not the way you're gonna charm a girl.


Oh really, lol. This shit was too funny. I think I wasn't too brazen, maybe it was the "tired of talking to you part"? I don't know. Anyways, I probably sent too many texts. But as I was saying, I'm new to texting, as absurd as it may seem.

So guys, please give me some of your input. I'm not mad at myself or disappointed, because hell there are a lot of other hotter women out there, even though she was pretty hot.

I want to learn from my mistakes.

So give me your thoughts. And thanks for reading all the way through.

I think you may have had her in the palm of your hand until the whole "i'm tired of talking to you" part. All else seems like safe game to my eyes and nothing else seems THAT offensive for her to shut you out like that.

to me, this is def. what killed it

I agree, I think the "I'm tired of talking to you" part might have hurt her. It comes off as more of an insult. She would probably have to be smoking hot for that to work, and even then I'd be a bit weary of sending that. Try to imagine a girl getting a text from a guy she doesn't really know but is suppose to meet who tells her, "I'm tired of talking to you."

Yeah, I basically think that is what happened. And again, I don't really regret it, but I think it has to be taken into context as you say. Not knowing her and saying that, hmmm, I think that was the backbreaker.

It was obviously a joke, meant to say enough talk for tonight or whatever meant to dismiss her, but obviously, the fact that it was texted and not said with the appropriate tone which would suggest a joke means that it was taken harshly.

But then again, If I look at it from my perspective, a guy's perspective, why the hell would I even go out with her if I REALLY was annoyed by her. But then again, we're not using the same logic.

Thanks for the replies guys. Much appreciated.

If someone has anything else to add, please do. And thanks for reading all the way through, I know it was long.

Quick tip for you as I usually text girls instead of call. I also think it was the "im tired of talking to you comment".

Remember that via writing there is no tone to you voice so it is a lot harder to know if you are joking or not, so when you say you were obviousely joking it actually wasnt that obvious. The only reason I was able to tell it was a joke is because you are on the MPUA forum and thats what we do, also im a guy.

So moral of the story, if im talking to a girl in a bar I would quite often say in a mocking tone "haha im tired of talking to u so Im leaving" but I would never say it over text. U had her man, why over do it and leave it with a comment like that? I would sooner just leave it and not reply at all, it sends the right kind of message I find. It says ok we arranged a date but Im not that interested so im not gonna bother replying.

In my opinion you came off as a jerk, the only kinds of jokes you can sent via text are ones that a quite obviousely false, for example I sent this as an opener to a girl "lol I just saw a female driver that couldnt parallel park and thought of you ", this only worked because i was making fun of her for it the day before and she proved to me that she actually could parallel park so it was obviousely false.

I think you could still mend the situation though, depends on how much she liked you. Just apologize. Not for what you said but that she got offended. Maybe something like "Hey, sry u got offended the other day but I would still like to meet u so how about a coffee?"

This is not the way to charm a girl. Let's take this apart step-by-step.

So far so good.


Ok, again not bad ... but then:



I CRINGED when I read this... this is you "negging her a little"? Where exactly is the neg? because I sure as hell can't spot it...

You confuse negging with insulting. I've seen it a million times; what you did here was you made her feel insulted and disrespected- you treated her like she's an object for your amusement- no woman wants to be treated like that. "dress sexy".. "wait for me at the door" "i'm tired of you now" ? come on!



Allow me to translate here: "I didn't really understand your way of texting yesterday" is a really classy way of saying: "I didn't really understand why you were being such a DICK. It was uncalled for."



And here, instead of apologizing for offending her, you scold her: "it's really too bad that you didn't understand I was just teasing you". Ha! And then: "it's your loss" for an added dose of irony.


My advice to you is this: don't say anything through text that you wouldn't be able to say to her face IRL.

Also, you're confusing negs with insults. Brush up on the concept of "negging", or drop it all together.

You're probably a nice guy, and you didn't mean to disrespect her; remember, you don't need to play the role of a dick to get the girl.



-Roz

_________________
NOTE: I'm taking a break from the site, and hence will not be responding to any messages!

hmm too me Roz you hit the nail right on the head. And by consensus (cant remember your name now I'm drinking lol) but the fact that you said "I'm tired of talking to you" probably killed it. But to stray away from groupthink I believe the fact that you made it a BIG deal that she cancelled on you the last minute might have put you underwater. I can't remember where I read it but you gotta act like these cancellations/rejections are NO big deal. I got a rejection to hang out today and I just sent her a text like "okay no problem". This is sort of a DHV= translation: You wanna cancel, Bitch I got plenty more that wanna chill". But hey this is just my opinion my dude. Take everyones posts into consideration. Peace.

Thanks for the input guys. Sure, I can see where the mistake was made and why. But I don't necessarily agree with your statement marcus as far as "making a big deal out of it". I don't think I did. I do usually say, if something happens, "oh ok, no problem, etc." but you've got to understand that this is a cancellation a mere couple of hours before the date, David DeAngelo, among many others, has said that if a woman flakes out on you, for whatever reason, make sure she knows that what she did was uncool and not right.

@ Le Loup : ok, sure I agree with everything you said. That is obvious. The thing is that I never meant to send another text that night, but then something came over me and I felt like pushing it to another level with the "Dress sexy, wait for me downstairs, and I'm tired of talking" stuff. Probably to see what I could get off with. But sure, text is not the way to go in that context.

@ Roz : Thanks for the input. I would not say that the last part, where you "cringed", was negging, I was referring to the whole process since the meeting. I know that part was not negging. I was going more for cocky and funny, maybe more cocky than funny, which might have turned into arrogance.

I actually think the part "Dress sexy" was cocky and funny. The rest maybe not so, they seemed more like automated commands. The cat is that I felt good when I wrote thinking it was funny, because when I was typing it I was imagining myself saying that to her face, with a tone that would suggest I was half-serious. Except, as I have learned, texts don't convey tone or proper meaning.

As far as "it's your loss", well I don't see the irony, cause I don't feel I'd lost out on anything, except maybe the fact that I had it seemingly wrapped up if I hadn't texted. I thought this was a way used to DHV or whatever, but I guess you'Re saying this was wrong?

Ok, your post really made me feel bad. Cause clearly my intention was not to hurt her, or insult her, I wanted to seem a bit cocky and brash. For god's sake I wanted to have that date.

So clearly, I might have insulted her at some level, and for that, now I feel really really bad, cause I have a major issue with that. As a human being, I feel bad, especially when it was not what I meant to do.

I have one more question : as Le Loup was saying, would it be appropriate to send a text apologizing for the insult(S), more so because I made her feel bad and made myself feel bad. I'm not necessarily looking for a re-do date, I just feel really bad. So?

Thanks for your contributions everyone, this forum is filled with knowledge and a great place for us to exchange ideas, and success and failure stories.

Dont apologize for the insult, apologize for the fact that you offended here. It is a slight different. If you say sorry for the insult, you admit that it was an insult. If yu say sorry i offended you you show here you were just joking around.

If she reply's well, you could still try to arrange a date. I guess that she doesn't diss like you, she just didn't like the 'tired' of talking part.

The only way to know where the line is is to step on it
I think the point the others were trying to make is that your final text just seems bitter and petty. I don't think it was the worst thing you could have said, but you basically reacted "You don't want to go out? Screw you then!" I know that's obviously not what you wanted to portray, but that's how it comes across on first reading.

_________________
"I tell a girl in a minute, I drive a bucket. She can ride or walk, either leave it or love it." NWA - I Ain't Tha 1

I agree with the last two posts. In fact, I think the last text did a lot more damage then the "insulting" one, since it showed that you were upset that she cancelled, it would have been better if u had apologized for her being offended there and then, in that way she might have still rescheduled. I guess you could say that she was punishing you for being a jerk, and by reacting you probably made her feel better that she can hurt you but above all proved that she was right when she thought that you were a jerk who cant charm girl because you get so affected by one that slipped away.

The main piece of advice I can give you is that you dont need to be "on" all the time, not everything has to be DHV or a neg or whatever. Basically just be yourself. For example, personally I too would have thrown in the Dress sexy comment but I would have tacked in onto the end of the previous text where u asked for the address, or just sent it at the end something like "cool cya, dress sexy"

As for telling her to wait for you outside, it is good to tell girls what to do but only in some measure. You dont want to treat her like a dog, I would have just been myself at this point (she already agreed to meet u), i would have gotten there or close and sent a text (or even better called) and simply said "im here, come out". This works even better via call cuz it shows a bit of arrogance, simply call and when she picks up say that "im here, come out", but dont hang up until she says ok or whatever, dont be rude. This is a command but not too cocky, and it shows confidence and DHV that you dont pussy around by saying "hi, how are u, are you by any chance maybe ready cuz im like waiting..."

Do you see the difference? Between saying something a little cocky like a straight up command when ur there and a full on insult?

yeah it was that comment, it was dumb. but we all fuck up sometimes, its part of learning, its one more thing you wont do next time, if you dont make the same mistake twice and you make every mistake, sooner or later, youll be perfect ha. but anyway, the way to fix this is NOTTTTTTT TO TEXT HER but CALLLLLLLLL HER!!!!!! call her up and shes probly gonna ignore your call no offense and you need to leave a message, and it better be a fucking good one. say "hey whats up (her name here), just wanted to see what your up to, by the way, dont take my texting too serious i like to joke around too much sometimes. but i still want to (do whatever it is you agreed to in the first place), and say youll catch her later. she may not respond, if not, oh well u fucked it up, wait 3 weeks and call her again, not a couple days, make her forget about you, and hope for the best. and change up what your asking her to do if possible, say hey i have an extra concert ticket, you should go, my friend backed out and i already bought the tickets. if she says yes then buy the tickets etc. start over and dont fuck up again.

I'd rather say
ME: Dress sexy, and in return - I'll pay for dinner/ whatever prize. And see ya at the entrance.
Just worked out, feeling really sleepy so I'm off to bed. Ciao.

Edit: I just had to edit cause I just came up with a good combine!

ME: Dress sexy, and in return - I'll give you a suprise present!

As you are having the date you go into comfort zone and then you spontanously pick up your phone/Look at your watch.

PUA: Hey, you'll recieve the present in 10min!
Her: Really? What is it?
PUA: *ignore and go back to the convo*
--5minutes later--
PUA: *Picks up your phone/Look at your watch* Just making sure we're on time.
Her: Tell me what it is already!
PUA: *Repeat what you did before*
--1 min left--
PUA: Ok, close your eyes and count down from ten ( She doesn't neccesserily needs to close her eyes but yeah)
Her: 10,9,8,7,6....
PUA: *K-Close*

Also, you can add something like "Since you're extremly cute today, I'll give you a second one!"
*Kisses*
PUA: Wow, you really suck at this! C'mon you can do better / show me whatcha got!

Creds goes to:
new-kiss-close-routine-vt83805.html

Anyway! Moving on!
You shouldn't have said that at all, not even rephrasing it!
Would go with:
"Oh, probably misunderstanding. I was really tired yesterday after studying non-stop(Whatever excuse you can come up with) and just passed out on the couch.
Too bad I don't get to see you - started to miss ya cute smile. Another time then?"
Here, you're pretty screwed.
The best thing you probably can do is apologise and even then I don't think you'll be able to F-Close her.

hahaha, thanks for all your comments guys. I'll be stronger the next time because of this.

I' m just enjoying all of this feedback, it's great. I would give you all some points but I don't have enough for everybody. My thanks will have to do.