Hi everyone, been lurking the forums for a while but new poster. I met up with this girl I met in an online dating site for a quick drink. It was only supposed to be for about an hour or so as a first time meet but went on for 3 hours at which point she had to leave to catch her last train home. I told her I'd like to see her again and she said the same. Called her a few days later and left a quick message on her voicemail. No response. Called a few days after that and again got her voicemail and left no message, instead sent a text to give me a call. She replied she'd "try" to call me later that day, at that point I figured rightly I wouldn't hear from her and I didn't. Then about 4 or 5 days later I get a text from her out of the blue fairly late on a Saturday night just asking me what's up. I was out at a party and just told her that, she replied she was hanging out with a friend near her home (over an hour from me). I didn't reply but since she texted me out of the blue I figured she was probably interested. So I called her a couple days after that and again just her voicemail and left a message, then called again a few days later and again her voicemail but left no message this time and texted again to which she just replied she was at some work event.

Since then I haven't tried her and she hasn't tried contacting me. Normally I wouldn't think anything of this, it's pretty clear a girl isn't interested when she never returns your calls but I'm confused by why she texted me when I stopped trying to reach her. Most of the times I wouldn't care but I did like this girl a lot so if there is a shot I don't want to miss it.

Any advice would be great.

sounds like you got a case of "bad-timing sickness". seen this plenty before lol its a pain. you contacted her at the wrong time, she contacted you at the wrong time, you both realize it, but shes the one thats bugged when you call her. problem here is that she unconsciously associates you with an inconvenience because both your attempts to contact each other were, well, inconvenient. best thing you can do is hope for (or plan for) a phone conversation that ends up leaving her thinking "you know what? this was so great! and wow it was easy!"

Probably the best track to go down is to take into account when she will most likely be free to pick up and talk to you and you have ample time to talk casually. Right before she goes to bed is perfect, if you can get her smiling as she goes to bed you'll be the man of her dreams (maybe even literally) and if you can keep her up all night with your pants on she'll be more than willing to do it without. I've had plenty filthy dirty phone conversations stretching to 4:30 in the morning, and then ignore her many attempts to call the next day. When i finally call her back later that night shes practically throwing herself at me frustrated because i wouldn't return her calls. its great for flipping it so youre no longer the inconvenience, youre the one being inconvenienced. Just be sure to call her back before she gets TOO frustrated or youre back at square 1.

By the way i gotta admit a while ago i experimented with online dating as a sort of sandbox for coming up with attraction techniques. It actually was quite useful for testing ideas out, but i noticed girls online are 50x more hesitant to do anything as the same ones in person.

Try and make your voicemails and texts funny and/or random or at least unique in some way. She didn't feel like getting back to probably because your voicemail was "uh, hey, it's X. I, uh, had a great time last night and, uh, was wondering if, you know, if you're not busy or anything, if you wanna like, I dunno, get dinner or something sometime. Call me back, thanks, bye."

Also, your date itself. I'm imagining that you sat there building rapport for three hours without ever teasing, flirting, making fun of her, turning the conversation sexual or touching her at all, right?

She's ALSO not getting back to you because she's not really even sure if you're attracted to her or if you want to be friends or if you're just a bit of a pussy because you didn't ESCALATE.

She texted you that time cuz she was a bit drunk and horny and thought that you'd be easily available, and likely be the kind of guy to drop everything and go see her.

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rotfl blondguy, chill out on him. then again maybe my approach was way too sugar coated lol

couldntve said it better

No its good, I appreciate blondguy's candor. My voicemails and texts weren't like that though, they were really simple and quick just telling her to call me back. I understand what you guys are saying about her late night text to me being when she was probably drunk and horny and expecting me to just jump at a chance to see her but I highly doubt it. I live in the city and like most I don't keep a car here, she is way out in the suburbs over an hour away and though she works in the city she told me she would never drive into it, only takes the train which wouldn't be possible that late at night. Its now been about 2 weeks since we had any form of communication.

Any advice on how I could salvage this or should I not even bother? I feel like if I try to contact her again I'm the one who will come across as the AFC. Wouldn't any call or text from me (even a random funny one) make me come across like that at this point?

Not necessarily. Just say, "hey i was bored and i remembered i had a good time earlier so i thought i'd call you up." Pretty much balancing the "hey i'm bored so i'm calling you" something that can tend to piss a girl off if she notices it, with mention of a good time (whether or not it actually happened). You'll come off as that half interested guy girls love to be 100% interested in, and you can work your way into interest with F/C until you've built back rapport. You're gonna want to establish yourself as nonchalant in the beginning, so avoid things that will make you seem at all otherwise until you've made a lasting impression. Then go nuts bro, its all up to you.

Personally i would trash this and find a new girl to work but thats just me. It'll take you a little time, patience, and game to get back to where you were before you blew it, and in my own experience its been easier to just meet another girl and work her from 0 instead of -200 so to speak. I'm talking of course, about your rapport score. Totally made up for the sake of this conversation, but still a good example of what i mean none the less.

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I.E. BORING, just another one of the SAME messages from the 20-30 other guys that are calling her. That was my point.

Of course get back in touch if you're interested in seeing her. You lose nothing by trying.

First off, send a random/funny text. Some of mine are

"Boo!"
"I just met your twin!"
"The most random thing just happened!"
"Have you been turned into a cat? Cuz I just met a cat that really reminds me of you. Text back if you're ok!"

The point is, you ping for her interest. When she gets back to you, wait a while, and then invite her out to the day 2.

If she still doesn't get back, add her to your mass-text list of people you invite out to stuff on weekends. If she doesn't come, you lose nothing because you're going with other friends anyway. If she does, you help re-spike your attraction levels because she sees you being social, as the centre of attention, in the company of friends and hopefully women too.

_________________
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very nice A+