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Ok, this is a problem my friend has, he's been going out with his GF for like 6 months, shes 18 hes 20, and he can't seem to sleep with her. My best guess is shes a virgin, hes not, hes had a long term GF before hes slept with, and 1 other since he didnt sleep with.
There both really nice people, and shes not the hardcore christian type, and hes abit shy, so I wanna help him out and get some ideas about how he could go about it, apparently they havent got upto oral yet, so fire away with some suggestions please.
Hey,
If he's been with her for 6 months then I would guess that either she is a virgin or there is one of the following or a combination of...
A.) Your friend is having issues knowing how to smoothly escalate from making out to other activities to in bed.
B.) Your friend is not confident in his own sexuality.
C.) He doesn't know how to handle the Virgin Objections.
D.) All of the above
A.) The problem with this is that it comes with time. There is no magic pill to make him the Don Juan of sex. It takes practice at french kissing girls to learning to kiss their erogenous zones to get them going. Then of course continuing the process of taking clothes off, working the breasts and so forth until she is basically wanting it as bad as you are. He will just have to keep escalating to get there and not have weird or awkward moments during and the time to do it. If she's 18 there could be parents around or be at a parent's house most of the time and that stinks. Suggest a hotel. They are both legally able to get one.
B.) It takes a while to be comfortable in your own skin. Most people are insecure about their sexuality let alone what they look like naked. More partners can help but so can reading books about sex. Things like Nancy Friday's My Secret Garden opens you up to the idea of fantasies that women have about men, and explains its okay to be comfortable with the wild ideas in your head.
C.) The Virgin Objections are sometimes difficult to handle. Even if she is not religious she might just not be willing. The truth is with anytime a woman is going to have sex it's a risk that she could get an STD or Pregnant even with protection. This becomes a legitimate concern and she has to know that you are going to be with her or at least stand by her IF....
Basically, he just needs to start to slowly turn up the heat on the physical part of the relationship and take the objections as they come. You might want to talk to him about basic token resistence vs real objections. Token resistence is "maybe we shouldn't be doing this..." as you are going up her shirt or something. Then you just keep going...kissing her and agreeing "yeah we shouldn't." but you keep going and it disappears. A real objection is like what if I get pregnant.
Hope this helps give you some insight, and wish him luck.
Jon
CHAT
