I was hanging out with this girl in my dorm room, whom I'm very much into, and I could tell was into me. Thing is, she has a boyfriend at school. Anyways, so tonight we're smoking together, and smoking was just a horrible idea when you're trying to game since it totally changes your behavior. big mistake. Anyways, I said something really stupid, in that I basically became the super nice guy, and opened up my feelings to her. I told her how I really liked her and stuff, rather than you know, just get in there and kiss her already when the time is right. I basically got way overly nice and said I realize she has a boyfriend and I respect that and I just wanted to let her know I still really like her" (I know, how much lower can i go right) Ironically, I could tell right there the transition to friend zone. Like, the way we were hanging out had completely changed. I could really see her respect, and attention on me lower. On the plus side, I can now more than ever see the difference between when a girl sees me as a possible mate versus when she sees me as just a friend. Like, maybe from smoking, it just became incredibly clear to me. Problem is, now I really feel like I've entered the friend zone with her. She however, never said "I just want to be friends" Even though I sounded way too nice in opening my feelings to her, rather than just going for her, she never denied wanting me. She just gave me this whole thing about "well, my boyfriend is a nice guy and I really like him" now obviously, she would have forgotten about him the minute I kissed her, but what happened happened.

Anyways, is it still possible to resalvage this relationship? Even though I felt like she totally saw me as a friend immediately after, logically, she knows that I still like her. Now obviously this experience hurt how attracted she is to me, but the point is, if next time I see her (we're going salsa dancing by the way) I just said something like "remember that nice guy speech I gave you last week?, well fuck it" and kissed her, do you guys feel she'd be unwilling to kiss back now, as she'd now feel betrayed? I was a nice guy, yet at the same time, I was straightforward and clear that I like her, and I want her to know that, so its not like she doesn't think I like her because I never made myself vulnerable enough to open up to her.

You can call it one-itis, or whatever you want, I don't really care. But the fact is, I truly feel (felt, well see how it goes this week, maybe because we were high she'll have forgotten) that we have a real connection, and a mutual attraction of each other, both physically and as people, and I'm not ready to give up yet. So you think this is still possible? And if so, would you say I should be overly not caring of her this week, or overly trying to get her attention and attraction back this week. I mean, now that it happened, I don't want to suddenly seem try hard because that will make it worse. I basically put her on a pedestal and I could really see that happen, and the transition of our relationship as a result. Basically, before, she still wasn't sure if I truly liked her, and was still intrigued by me, and now she basically knows she can have me. I've made her my priority while I'm only an option for her, and she knows. Obviously this damaged her drive for me, but do you think shes less attracted to me?

Look, you obviously have some feelings for her (for whatever reason), which have been amplified b.c. you are getting high and messing with your emotional center. Why are you doing this to yourself? You say you have one-itis and don't care? So you are willing to go the next few years being the shoulder she cries on, or the friend that listens, rather than the one who had her? If so, then no one here can help you.

How old are you? You're going to learn sooner or later (hopefully sooner), that these things take a LOT more work to salvage than for you to go out and find another girl. In fact, she'll see you in a different light if you are with other women. Give that a shot, as in, go see other women first, before you try to make a move on this one. It might work, if you are willing to burn that bridge and lose her as a friend, then I'd say go for it. Think about it first!

For future reference, if you have to ask, the answer is usually going to be no.

The best option you have for pulling her back is actually to completely let go (I rhymed!).

Abandon this outcome based mindset, and completely forget about what happened the other night.

Also, earn to truly understand that you can go on to another girl super easily, as opposed to just trying to believe it or demonstrate it. Its really not hard.

Learn that she is not on any sort of pedestal above you, and that you don't have to redeem yourself to her in anyway.

Finally, have fun with her.

I guess you misunderstand what one-itis means to me.

The fact is, its over. We talked and while she has a lot of fun with me, she has a good thing going on with her boyfriend and doesn't want to fuck it up, and thats perfectly respectable. Not personal at all. I told her I still want to go dancing with her (we were going to go salsa dancing, as we both love salsa dancing and being from Miami, I'd love to get better at it.) but other than that, I don't want to hang out too much, as I've been in the friend zone before.

I guess you thought I was willing to be a friend and a shoulder to cry on, but the fact is I do have a high self-esteem, and now that its over, I'm just happy I got some closure. Sometimes, it just wasn't meant to be. I just really think she's a cool girl. I put myself out there with my feelings, maybe was a bit too nice about it, and whats done is done. So I told her, I still think we'd be great together, and who knows what will happen in the future, but for now, we're going our separate ways.

Btw, I'm truly sorry if I sounded like a jerk or anything. I was in a bit of a bad place for the last week. I got caught up with her for the last week, it was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but its passed, and I've moved on. I've learned from the experience, and I really don't smoke often. I thought it was a good excuse to hang out, because I've hooked up before when smoking with someone. But I realize for me, it was a different situation and in general its a bad idea.

I guess my real question is, if you portray great qualities, and truly attract someone, but then make one big mistake of obviously putting her on a pedestal, do you think in general its messed up for good?

well....i think you might be able to fix this....

start with some bf destroyers---look em up...they arent disses, but they are good to give her the mentality that her bf isnt in her league without actually saying that...

then you can say something like....but yea, i really only want to be friends cause you aren't my type...i like the mocha girls. (line from steve lynch song)....it works man

and doing that will re-establish yourself....dhv yourself, and give you an oppurtunity to qualify herself to you...then just dont do it again....

the really good thing is if you told her that you like her, once you go back to gaming her, she will realize that you dont want to be friends, you want to be more...

let me know how it turns out!

-Ryano