True, there's something to be learned from every moment

She did this whole.. “I have a bf” thing — not so bluntly, but not subtle in text..

whatever.. she really does though.. It’s not BS — i know she has a bf.. I met him..
but also.. I felt she was lukewarm about him — and we had a connection, and felt I could macked it
but I got all emotionally weird inside b/c i had doubts or fears like that it would be awkward
or her BF would either be devastated or kick my fucking ass in with his buddies.. or whatever..
maybe one of us might feel guilty.. but at the same time.. i def had a solid connection with her
but then — I psyched myself out with all the possible implications of it! Which totally threw me off.

For future reference.. any advice on how to handle a situation like that?
I felt like — I could’ve pursued her in inadvertent way — but didn’t want to chase..
I felt I could’ve found a way in there through a sly way.. she was digging me…
and invited me to hang.. but I also got all this weird energy bc i knew she had a bf..
now — kind of feeling embarrassed about how it all panned out.. felt off my game..

!

obviously thinking about this way more than I really should —
and I feel like if I go out and try to bandaid the void with some other chick and her attention
or go out and get pussy to make me feel worth something? that’s fucking lame.. I’ll just be chasing the same kind of bullshit validation that I didn’t get from this original chick that didn’t give me what I wanted on a subconscious level..

AND

What is it that I’m really looking for and sore about not getting here? Am I bummed out?
Yeah.> i wish I was sitting here with her raw fucking her without a condom and g/f’ing this chick at the moment.. instead I’m fucking on some internet chat board bitching like a troll fucking pathetic chump!

But — it is what it is.. and that’s how i feel at the moment.. looking for something.. clearly.. never been on this site before.. why do i need to go on message boards? cause if I was thinking clear.. I wouldn’t be here bitching about it all sore… like I’m some fucking tweenage hipster crying over some justin beiber bullshit right? RIGHT!?
But — I’m on here because i’m not in the right head state.. and yeah I
can go out and find a girl to fuck me who is just as cool and prob much hotter (*depending on society’s standards. and who is fucking down as hell.. she’s just as cool.. if not cooler.. but — what will that do for me essentially?
like.. I’ll reinforce myself with this self dialogue in my head.. right? — i’ll think, “Ohhh.. this other girl just fucked me… I’ll have validation for myself now..” etc..


but
That’s so fucking lame.. lol
Why should I rely on some hoe for validation?

Do I need her fucking approval? hell no… she’s a cool chick.. she didn’t do anything wrong..
Except be with a fucking tool b/f instead of here fucking raw dogging me right now..
but I can’t be mad at her for that.. it was me who fucked this one up.. and I think I know why — but It’s only a theory..

OBSERVATION…
I think now that I think of the entire situation — I kind of see why I fucked up..
because I provoked with a question — or basically sought a validation response from this chick..

BUT — that in itself is the problem.

I shouldn't need her validation!. I’m fucking awesome..
so that’s just a deeper indicator to how I’m feeling in the exact
moment right now.. Like i’m subconsciously looking for validation.. because I was not rewarded… haha..
she didn’t give me the gift her puss in my face right now.. so I’m all bent out of shape emotionally.

QUESTION
Why am I on this website right now, instead fucking hot chicks..?

Am I looking for validation?
why should I give a fuck!? I feel so lame on some fucking lame ass message board right now?
well.. because I fucked up somewhere along the process here that’s lead me to a dead end or negative feedback loop.. so help me get the fuck out of oz.. and back to kansas..

And that’s just a temporary thing… but maybe I should give myself a break for making a mistake…
or maybe I should bust my own ass with criticism for being such a little bitch — and feeling like I need validation!!!!

thoughts? throw some insults my way.. can’t improve without a honest assessment

I feel better — why? i gave someone else advice — and realized how I don’t sweat this shit at all and I’m fucking unbound — options to the wind… and if i meet someone i like.. i be able to be myself..