Paying for first date?



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 Post subject: Paying for first date?
PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 7:58 pm 
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I've always had mixed feelings on this.
What's the consensus on paying for her on the first date?


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 8:15 pm 
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Depends on the Situation.

If its an Icecream for like 3 Bucks I wouldnt mind paying for her. However I dont go on first dates where you need to pay a lot. So if its for a Cocktail you can pay the first bar, if you switch the location she can pay the other one. I thinks its wierd to ask her for like 2 bucks when you share a nice time together. You don't buy her time but that your relaxed and that you can provide also. Don't mix this up with providing everything. You can tell her to contribute in some way as well. So you two somewhat share the costs together. Then its again not you and her but you together.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 8:20 pm 
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You probably don't want to take her to a fancy place right off the bat. Secondly just pay and don't make a big deal out of it.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 9:23 pm 
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I took a girl to the movies once. First date, she knew it was a date, but she didn't want to say it was a date since we were friends before this. She paid for her ticket, I paid for mine. Ended up gaming her and having a better night than my friend who brought his girl, paid for her ticket, and popcorn and candy. He paid $30 I paid $10 and I moved forward faster.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 11:22 pm 
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No no no! You don't pay on the first date, unless its an 3 dollar ice cream and no buying drinks either - unless you guys have been hanging out for the better half the day and end up in a bar then you buy her the first round and she buys the second. Definitely no paying dinner or lunch! And besides you shouldn't be going out to expensive dinners on a first date.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 3:53 am 
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I personally don't think it's such a big issue. Part of the reason is that I live in NYC and have a tendency to hook up with somewhat spoiled girls but I think the central concept is to make whatever decision you make congruent with your game. If you play a very strong cocky/somewhat headstrong role where you tell the girl you just don't like paying for a girl, I can see it working. I usually try to play a strong gentleman-type role and just basically play it off like money's not an issue. I'm by no means super wealthy but I just think in many instances, especially if the girl comes from money, it's better to just act like money's not even worth discussing. I'll sometimes allow her to pick up a round of drinks or something if they insist (with my ex, she would pick up all cabs while I got all drinks) but that's just a personal choice because I'm just kind of old school that way. I think what makes it seem AFC is if you make it seem like you're only doing it because you expect something in return or just do it because that's what society thinks. I do it because I just think it's the right thing to do and that's how I was raised - when combined with the rest of my frame, I find it works pretty well.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 12:51 pm 
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I will add though that I once didn't pay dinner on a second date with a girl that I paid a coffee on a first date but because where I am from culturally paying for coffee is not a big issue. Friends and people who have just met make a fuss about who will pay for the coffee.
The reason that I didn't pay for dinner was because in my AFC mind I was telling myself, no you shouldn't pay for the girl, what has she done to "earn" it etc. After, when the waiter left with our money I suddenly felt awkward and realized I should have paid (not much of an expensive place) because I had a lot of fun. Two of my friends said I was an idiot and should have paid for an evening dinner if not for her, just for my own enjoyment because I was enjoying so much the company.

Needless to say, I didn't kclose that night and I never heard back from her or made any effort to get in touch with her.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 4:35 pm 
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Good to hear your thoughts about this subject.

I make the following distinguishments:
1. Girl you just meet at a bar: I will NOT buy her anything! Period! :)
2. Girl you met before, and you asked her out on a date: it depends. If it is just drinks, i will definitely pay. If it is drinks and dinner (= i do not prefer dinner on a first date, because of low energy), then I wouldn't mind.
Of course, I like it when a girl pretends to get her wallet and split the bill.

I think this is also influenced by culture. In Asia, the guys pays for the first and all the coming dates, till it gets serious. I am living in Europe, and sometimes girls insist to share the bill (which i like. not because of saving money, but see a date as a joined effort to get to know each other).

So when the bill arrives, I will get my wallet and see what a girl does. If she insists to split the bill, i would allow it and appreciate it. This is extra credits for her!

If she does not grab her wallet and let me pay, I would pay the bill. I don't want to make a scene, but I would like her less because of this...


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 7:13 pm 
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I think that's fair - if you just meet a girl at a bar, you are under no obligation to get her anything. If you invite a girl out for coffee and then go to a bar after, I would pay for the coffee as I extended that invite but anything after is optional. However, if I invite a girl out for drinks (I never do dinner the first time either) I think that since the invite was extended by me it's fair to do so. It is of course optional but the central idea is never let the bill become an issue either way. If she reaches for the wallet I will thank her but politely decline. If she insists on contributing I'll usually tell her she can pay for the cab to the next spot.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 8:12 pm 
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I've had this terrible advice where people flat out tell you not to pay.

I agree with it to an extent but I also think you shouldn't be going on any fancy dates unless it's clear you're made of money and you are expecting something at the end of the date, not just some "Maybe I will, maybe I won't" bullshit you put up with in most dating scenarios. That or you've known the girl for a while and there's already interest there and you're bound to get a kiss and a blowjob out of it anyway. Trust me, a chick you've known for a while and you finally ask on a date isn't going to get down on her knees if she has to pay for her own romantic meal no matter how "manly" it makes you feel, you're just coming off as a cheap prick in her eyes.

If you met this girl during the day or at a club keep it simple stupid(Coffee or something stupid and cheap). I agree if it's some flimsy you met at a club you shouldn't pay. If it's a girl you've met through a friend or somewhere more reputable go for lunch, pay the €20 it would cost for both of you to have a sandwich and a coffee. It's only €20, you've made an effort. The most important thing to do here is to make sure she gets you something in return, let her know you're not a free meal and she owes you if you treat her. Tell her she's buying you ice cream. If she buys you ice cream this is a perfect excuse to bounce from the date location to another secluded location, better yet if you get Ice Cream from a stall or some place you can bring her to a nice park where it's nice and secluded then you go in and kiss her.

What I used to do was basically go somewhere and as a matter of principle have her pay the tip and i'd pay for the meal. Generally you have some resistance where a woman will give the token "I'll get it." in which case you just say "I'll tell you what, you get the tip and you can buy me an Ice Cream."

You really can't go wrong there. €20 lunch, have fun, share stories, etc. Even if you don't close her that day you've left a good impression and she'll want to see you again.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 9:54 pm 
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I totally agree with this. I may take it further and usually pay for sh*t but that's more a matter of choice and because people have told me the way I dress and my demeanor makes it seem like I have money so I just roll with it. I think people get way too carried away with this whole don't pay thing - it comes from a good place (don't spoil her too much, don't let her think that should just be expected, don't let yourself get taken advantage of) but when applied nonsensically and unilaterally it can be very damaging. Use common sense but don't be afraid to spend a little - after all, fair or unfair you can justify it to yourself by saying that in general men make more money and don't have to give blowjobs :)


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 08, 2014 2:19 am 
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Christ if you can't even take a girl out on a first date and pay for the both of you then it just shows what a tight fisted cunt you are. Who the hell wants a boyfriend who behaves like Scrooge. You guys are so fucking useless at everything you do and you usually get nowhere because you're so freakin' shallow.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 08, 2014 8:19 am 
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i don't know what works best in a PUA senario. My personal experience is to pay and don't even worry about it. Like others said already. Don't go all out money wise on a first date. Nothing expensive and fancy. That's just because she might not appreciate it. Make the date fun and spend what you can afford. I pretty much pay on all the dates after that but if there are multiple dates then the relationship is going well and i feel it's good that i am doing it for her and us.

The only reasons I can see this being an issue is if you are really broke and can't afford it or you think she might be taking advantage of you. Going to places that are comfortably within your means can address both of these issues.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 08, 2014 10:41 am 
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Quote:
Christ if you can't even take a girl out on a first date and pay for the both of you then it just shows what a tight fisted cunt you are. Who the hell wants a boyfriend who behaves like Scrooge. You guys are so fucking useless at everything you do and you usually get nowhere because you're so freakin' shallow.
I take it all back. You're not a tight fisted cunt and you guys are not shallow. I just need someone to love me


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 08, 2014 12:02 pm 
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Situation yesterday:

Could be a Date could not be, I could do more Kino and more other stuff, we had a great time I enjoyed myself, she herself, we ourselfes. Anyway I did 2 Cocktailbars with her. First one she wanted to pay seperately. I said I pay, you pay the next bar. We did. No bla blubb and nothing awkward. Plus its not that seperation from the bill. Its the we pay together and not seperately.

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