hi guys, some time lurking here, now having a problem i know you could help me with. those not liking to read long posts can get straight to the big question section.

first of all, i’m quite higher on the social ladder compared to her – no dhv, no prizing needed. we work in the same company, different departments, I can’t do anything to help her in her career and she knows it.
she is as long as i can tell not overall flirty – never seen her even as much as having a conversation with another guy apart from one and only which is her friend, always works alone or is talking with her girl friends.
we meet infrequently, mainly at work, sometimes at caffes, about once in a fortnight. our meetings are mixed work and leisure bc we usually talk about some projects but also have fun together.
Great rapport, and i mean great. average conversation with her is for us one of the best we both can have. she says that aloud often, me too although much rarer.
now, she already told me that she feels small compared to me, that she admires me, that she thinks i’m great and so on (but do notice i get that a lot from other girls also), and she even said that we’re soulmates. and she’s escalating in what she’s saying: lately she even said that we (meaning me+her) after this and that project should move abroad and work on a farm in a warmer country. AND even later when i said that in a somewhat distant future i’d definitely like to have wife and children but i do not see the proper candidate, she said „well, there’s one named <her_name>, so after she finishes the next project just maybe…” – and my jaw dropped of course. then she said some time afterwards „but i bet you couldn’t put up with me”, which seems to me like turning the tables around. i turned that on her, somewhat lame, but that doesn’t really matter at present.
so as you see everything should be ok, shouldn’t be?
well. so let me tell you she has a bf of several years. engaged for at least 4 years, living together for at least two and maybe even four-five. rarely mentions bf (a good sign) and i know practically nothing about him. i’d say they’re not close to each other but can’t tell.
now, she usually speaks her mind and is quite open and sincere (and also a bit shy, yes well there are people which are shy and open at the same time), and all that thing about growing potatoes together could really be sincere. but come on, something is amiss here. i can’t help but suspect that seeing that i’m way above her in social ladder, she could be playing. than again, she’s kinda workaholic, seems to have little private life, worked hard during her teens and early twenties, and on top of that she’s beautiful – about hb9 or maybe even hb10, everyone at work is admiring her, and because of that insecure a bit. very smart, but everyone sees usually a pretty face with her, me including at the very beginning of our relationship. and she always says that she wants to make her career by brains, not looks, and definitely does that in her life.
so, the Big Question is: how do i tell if she’s sincerely interested in me but terribly inexperienced at the game and so revealing her thoughts, OR if she’s trying to play me but is equally terribly inexperienced at it and doing it wrong.
normally, i’d kino escalate so as not to fall into friendzone. but if she’s playing, that’s exactly the kind of interest she’d like to have and i’d destroy everything since if she’d be sure of me she’d have no reason to leave her bf. so instead i should make her jealous and show that other girls are interested in me. she knows the latter part for sure, but it’s kinda hard to show at work with another girl and meet her by accident. and yet since she’s kinda insecure making her think i have so many other options could get the opposite results (once she even told me that she didn’t dare to approach me leading some kind of conference). so what do i do?
is she a(n inexperienced) playette? or is she just so frickin’ honest?
what would be a good response to kind of „you wouldn’t be able to put up with me” teasing, to her future plans, to this almost-marriage-proposal? i have the upper hand, but have to react quickly.
i know this is a reversal to problems you normally solve here, but don’t know how to play „the endgame”

cheers
phil

why does she need to be any different than any other girl that you would make a move on?

if you do not make a move absolutely nothing will ever happen!

to say that with her it's a different scenario or she's different or the settings different is just plain BULLSHIT!

escalate as you would any other woman. ignore the boyfriend completely pretend he does not exist. because for any of your intent or purpose he doesn't! if the attraction for you is there she will follow your lead.......

if she responds to you positively she is attracted it's just that simple.

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Sounds like she already has attraction for you? I don't get your confusion. I did not read your whole post, tips.

Flirt back more? Do some role playing scenarios with her on the DL (down low) about the whole running away together, etc. Build rapport, comfort and secrets that only you two have. Build kino when you can. Just run typical game.

Now, I work at a company who is kind enough to hire a ton of gorgeous women. I run game slowly on each one, switching between each other because I don't want to come off as needy. But, you seem to be in the situation where you are hire up, so be the Alpha and just do what you want.

Stop worrying about them and worry more about you and just be happy? That's how you can start, build that inner game and the real game will follow.

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Perhaps you have misundersood me, gents.

(the first post was too long to read, ok, how do I edit it?)

I am the hire up, yes. so this is true.

but. I got in my life tons of attention from girls that didn't want to hookup (romantically/sexually speaking) with me at all. they just wanted to be close to me, to be seen with me since it would raise their value in their eyes.

so that's different because everywhere on these forums the number 1 advise is to DHV which I don't need in the slightest. already there naturally.

and I need some sh1ttest, screening of some kind to distinguish between one or another attention seeker and girl that is really interested.

and since all of this is at work, mind you, I definitely don't want to screw things up.

that's why i wrote:
if attention seeker -> kino escalation BAD, she gets what she wants and End Of Story.
if interested -> kino escalation GOOD.

hope this helps

ps. what is "down low" (DL)?
ps.2. how do I edit posts here??

So basically what everyone if failing to miss is that you don't want to jeopardize your career. I get that. Stop following flow charts to get laid this woman wants your junk. Maybe it's because your position of authority. Maybe it's you. You don't know. But here is what you are missing. With work relationships you have to play it cool. She already escalated the situation you did nothing. I'm not going to give you a step by step but you need to put her back in the same position. A night out for dinner or what have you. But this is your problem. Since workplace relationships are risky you need to learn push pull. You need to intelligently stoke the fire when it's on low and pull her in when she is heated up. Sure your the boss and she could benefit from being with you but she also is attracted because you are the alpha. Here is your problem. You are not being the alpha. You are scared. Alphas aren't scared. Their sometimes inappropriate behavior is always forgiven because that is just them being an alpha it's not out of place. You have a problem with walking the walk with confidence. Probably because to be honest you have too much desire to make this work. I won't give you bad advice like spank it before you see her or find an HB1 to warm you up. The next time you have dinner make sure it is exactly 3 days from your last sexual release. For the 3 days before you need to work out intensely this will build your energy and your confidence. Now remember it's tit for tat she can get in as much trouble for pursuing romance in the office as you so you have to respond likewise to her come ons. If she says "we should be together" look her in the eyes and say something thoughtful about her. Kino's and yada yada is for women you don't know you have a rapport. Think about your inner child this always works for me. Get innocently playful and when she escalates you do likewise. Now for the meat. If you only want a lay scoring will ruin your career 100 percent of the time. So choose wisely and play smart.

You are concerned about your career and that any kind of a relationship with this employee might jeopardize it? Then stay the fuck away from this girl. Run. No piece of ass is worth anyone's career.

You stated Possibly the issue in play here is that you need to take a good look in the mirror and come to the understanding that you need to improve the part of your life that involves gaming women. If that's the case, you've come to the right forum for that.

Call me paranoid but is it possible she or someone else is trying to ruin you for whatever reason? It's rare for women to come on so strongly, and coupled with your position, I have to flag that as a valid concern.

Another possibility is she is getting on in age and is starting to be very concerned about settling down soon, chance of birth defects rise sharply after a women reaches 35, which is also likely if she's a workaholic and hasn't made enough time for socialising. (This is actually more frequently the case these days)

Bottom line is - you do need to play hard to get. She is coming on really strong, so you have the luxury of doing so. If she's really keen, this will make it even more exciting. If she's up to something, it will become frustrating. Always let her think there is a chance if she does the right thing, but not nesecarily let on what that thing is. That's the vibe you're going for. (Not the exact words you should use) and you should ALWAYS be nice about it, and only ever qualify/neg her playfully. Oh - never ever even joke about her coming on too strongly if you're not sure what you're doing - women risk a LOT more than guys do, emotionally, when they stick their neck out by coming on to a guy, because they're not usually supposed to be doing that, so already they're at risk of appearing desperate, making a joke on that would be attacking where it hurts, which is cruel, wrong, and would ruin everything. Just want to be clear on that.

If it's true that you always get tonnes of attention from women, there is something about you that gets women talking to you, maybe you look big and protective like a gentle giant, maybe you seem like a kindly charismatic man who's good with kids. I don't know anything about you other than this post, which all I can tell so far, seems to suggest you might be an introvert, yet are very talented at work and high up the ranks.
The point is you shouldn't interpret this attention until you've pursued it - you don't know they weren't up for anything sexual or romantic - it could just be you keep the conversation safe and simple, so that nothing like that ever eventuates.

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