Hi guys,

My first post here (apart from the introduction)! Sorry for the long mail, I wanted to describe the situation as clear as possible.

Met this girl about a month ago at a friend's party, been out with her a couple of times (with other friends), and then I met her first time alone about 10 days ago, where we went shopping together and she helped me pick a pant and a tshirt. As the size of the tshirt and pant were not super right for me, she suggested that she can adjust them for me (sewing is her main hobby, she has some beautiful jackets/dresses that she has made by herself). So I go to her place wednesday last week and she fixed it for me. While I was there I noticed that something was blocking me, that I was trying to find faults in her rather than try to get close to her. This is a pattern of mine that I have come to realize lately, whenever I am with women that I am really into and there is a possibility of long term relationship, I panic even before anything happens and run away, usually with an excuse like ah, she was not that beautiful anyways. But in situations where there is no possibility of relationship, like when I am traveling, or when there is not that much chemistry, I am rather open and don't hide my feelings or desires.

So after going back home that day, I felt very annoyed with this behavior. The next day, I chatted a bit with some friend and he advised me that the only way that I can get rid of this pattern is if I tell the girl about it. It was like 11pm, but I still called her and asked if I can come over as I want to talk with her (she lives 10 minute away). She said she is going to bed soon, so she suggested to meet the day after instead.

I met her and told her exactly that. That when I was with her on wednesday, I was trying to find faults in her. Even told her what faults I found (I was not so eager to tell her, but as I have promised at the beginning, she insisted that I should), like the fact that she talks too fast, that she doesnt like music that much, is very logical and rational and not feminine at all in her behavior eventhough she has very feminine looks, even told her that I thought that she might have a weight issue, and might explode anytime! I didn't say it in a bad way, and she was very cool about it. Finally I told her that I am tired of this pattern and I want to break it, that is why I am telling her this. I am interested in her, and would like to know her better, and that she doesnt have to say anything back.

She told me that she was really impressed by my courage to be open and tell her that. And she said that guys normally fall into 3 categories to her. 95%, she doesnt want anything to do with, 1 to 2 % that she gets immediately attracted to and sure that she wants them, and about 3 to 4% that she is interested in but not completely sure. And that I fall into the third kind, and that she would also like to know me better and see how that leads...

We agreed to go dancing on monday (take batchata lessons). So we met today and it went very well, but she was very uncomfortable when it comes to touching except on the dance floor (there she was quite at ease). All my efforts to let her at ease like give her my arms while walking, hugging her a bit, etc. didnt help. I made a fun of it a bit and she told me that she is actually very uncomfortable about that, and that some years back it was only her mom and best girl friend that she hugged at all. And at the dance place, I couldnt get that much time with her because we were taking lessons and changing partners all the time.

She had a mini bike injury during the day and was feeling a bit of pain on her ribs, so she didnt want to stay for the social dance after class. So I asked her if she can stay a bit so that I can practice with the others. I did that maybe for 15-20 minutes and we left. On the way back, it was the same story, she was not responding to my touches at all, and at some point I stopped trying. We joked a lot about it, and we talked about other things as well. In the end, I just kissed her on the cheeks when I got of at my stop.

I like this girl, I am attracted to her looks as well as her personality. I also like the fact that she is honest and straightforward and plays not that much game (answers phone calls, text immediately, doesnt flakes, etc...), but at the same time, her coldness except at the dance floor is a bit of a puzzle. I am not in a hurry to get laid or anything (actually would love to wait as i am currently doing some rebooting with porn, sex, etc..), but still I don't want to hang around a lot without getting any encouraging feedback from her. And even though I said I like her, I don't have oneitits or something and I can simply walk away if the need arises. However, I don't want to quit right now...

Any recommendations on how to proceed? I am thinking that since I have already started with the honest and straightforward way, maybe the best way is to continue that way? Like when we are together and I look at her and feel that I am thinking of kissing her, tell her exactly that, etc..

Maybe some of you have tried such a very honest and authentic way?

How are you touching her? Are you pulling on her like some needy child would pull on its mother or are you being playful and fun?

Giving her my arms while walking, pulling her in sort of sideways hug after some joke, taking her hand while walking away from the dance floor, etc... I don't think I was creepy or needy, and everytime she was not reacting positively to that (by which I mean that she was pulling away), I was joking about it and that is how we ended up talking on her perception of personal space etc ....

i'm dealing with a similar issue. this chick im seeing now is not into "public affection" but i have kino escalated her into oblivion and she has yet to reject a single one. She just does not respong with an IoI or any kino's towards me. I've little idea how to proceed because i am always honest and upfront about things.

but she tossed me a curve today, she invited me out to lunch. "i'm taking my kid to lunch if you want to join me, and meet her" and with someone who has kids their desire for you to meet them is kind of huge(in my experience). But i simply cannot get a read on this chick. I have this odd feeling she may just burst open at some point and catch up ...but who knows.

I'd say if she is into you man keep at it. Just do not become fully invested until you know she is.

OK the girl I wrote above above has LJBFed me few weeks ago, she said typical LJBF material like "I really thought a lot about it after you told me that you are interested in me and you want to know me better, but I really don't feel about you that way, but really want to be friends with you...blah blah..". We still keep meeting because we go to dance lessons together. I am not that much into her now, but she is doing a lot of stuff for me (for example, she spent a whole day while she was in Holiday in Estonia trying to find me textiles for curtains for my apartment and bringing it to Sweden and is gonna sew the curtains herself, etc...) so actually it looks like I LJBFded her and she is trying to be nice to me to change my mind. I, on the other hand, have not done anything in return except saying Thanks.

I am not really trying to spend time with her, she is actually a bit boring for my taste (very much in her brain and no feelings at all, rationalizes and overthinks everything, doesnt like music at all, the only hobby she has is sewing), but she is kinda cute. We are now meeting about twice a week to dance and she has been to my place a couple of time to practice some dancing and also check my windows for the curtains. So I am quite relaxed about it, and thinking that I have made my move and she has refused it, so if she wants something, she has to make the move. Otherwise, I don't mind just dancing with her. But then I keep wondering if that will ever happen, her making the move.

I had a situation earlier this year with another girl, with whom I was dancing with also, but I had no interest at all. We were dancing partners for several months, and I thought it was clear to her that I was not interested (I talked about other girls, etc...), but then I found out later on, in a bad way, that she was actually in love with me (after I kissed a girl in front of her). Of course it is a different girl, but if a girl that was in love with me didn't make a move, I think the chances that a girl who LJBFeded me will are rather slim.

Anyways, a bit confused about how to proceed with this girl. I really don't mind being just just friends with her and keeping her also as a dance partner, but I can't stop wondering in the back of my mind, while we are dancing batchata together, what if she has changed her views, and waiting for me to make a proper move this time....