This girl I've been dating a bit asked me to crash at her place tonight. I was at her apartment when she asked me to, but I respectfully refused because both her and I were heavily intoxicated, and that's not the kinda guy I am. I told her I would treat her to breakfast and take her out to a local park the next day, but I'm afraid she's expecting a bit more out of me.

The question is, I would love to hook up with her, however, the timing last night was just completely off. I like to have a good time, but when she's intoxicated, I find myself not wanting to hook up with her out of moral code. I've never hooked up with her yet and she wants to hang out pretty much all day tomorrow, so I think I'll work a bit of day game into our pseudo-date tomorrow night. However, I'm still unsure of her expectations.

Should I progress what I currently have with her? Or should I try to be more formal and let her know the kind of guy I am, and why I did not act on her intentions the previous night?

I don't wanna assume, but what do u mean by "moral code"? Be a little more specific.
Mmmmm, if u feel that u should, go right ahead, but I personally wouldn't. Then again, I ain't ur daddy.

Using the "moral code" as ur excuse/reason for not hooking up with her seems a little DLV. It would seem like ur coming off afraid to hook up with her or it's that u need to seek her approval so here u are, explaining yourself to her like a child would explain to his mother.

You're walking a pretty fine line right now.

On one hand, refusing a woman's clear invitation to get sexual can generate a bit of mystique. It can demonstrate to her that you have options.

but...

On the other hand, not escalating with a woman, often times carries very serious consequences. Remember that this girl may not share your calibration of morals. To her, it may be completely acceptable to fool around while intoxicated. She is going to wonder why you aren't making the moves and this typically results in one of three conclusions.

1.) You aren't attracted to her.
2.) You aren't confident and decisive enough to take what you want.
3) She backwards-rationalizes it and concludes that it didn't happen because she wasn't into you.

Rejection hurts. With the first option, she has to consider the fact that she may not be attractive. If she's an attractive woman of value, you can bet that she'd rather consider the other two options in an effort to avoid pain. If she takes the second option, then she has to face the fact that she incorrectly evaluated you as a man with survival value, and has wasted a considerable amount of time. This can also lead to embarrassment. The last option is the most likely and it's a death sentence. When a woman decides that the chemistry isn't there, the game is over.

You're in the fast lane to the friend zone. If you're uncomfortable with messing around with her under the influence of alcohol, then you need to plan an interaction without alcohol and escalate. Getting physical with her is the only way you'll get her to continue investing in a romantic relationship.

Doc, that was a great post.

This last paragraph is the most important. If you are going to breakfast and a park, you better KISS her. Here's how I would play it:

As soon as you saw her, you would hug her, keep my arms around her waist as you pulled your heads apart so now you're very close looking at each other, then you would lean in and kiss her without a word. She would say something indicating surprise.

You respond, "I would have done that last night, but I don't kiss girls when I'm drunk."
Then you let go, turn to the restaurant, hold her hand and lead her in.

Eat an enjoy the meal.

Take her to the park after, kiss her there. Sit with her on a bench and make out with her.


I think you've already been on this date. How did it go? Did you kiss her? Did the date look anything like the one I presented?

Thanks Slip.

Not escalating fast enough and "she has a boyfriend" have to be the most common problems presented here.

OP, follow Slip's date outline and you'll be just fine. Make sure your home is prepared for her to come home with you.

I feel as though I did not give you guys enough context about the situation. What really was the case was, she was staggering drunk to the point where I had to help her up the stairs and what not and I (being slightly twice her size almost) was on my way to sobering up within 20-30 minutes, but still drunk nonetheless. I would have hooked up with her if she was at my level of intoxication, but she was quite inebriated at the time and it's just never really been my thing to go further when a girl is like that. We've kissed but never gone past that, so it's safe to assume I'm not quite in the friend zone.

However, when we went to the park today, i made a bet with her. I told her if I could guess her favorite movie (which she told me last night when drunk) right on the first try, then she had to give me a kiss. Anyways, all went according to plan, we kissed, went back to her place, then sealed the deal.

Very good advice in general about the issue and I see where you guys are coming from. She actually approached me first about the issue from last night apologizing profusely and she was very disappointed. I realized after a little thought that trying to explain myself afterwards was way too emasculating in a sense and I didn't want to do that. I didn't follow Slip's guidelines perfectly, but I suppose the end justified the means. Thanks a lot guys, a good amount of good points were brought up and the advice was well appreciated.