Anyone else noticed this? Perhaps because it's a non-confrontational medium, I get shit-tested much more via text than in person.

Some people prefer to keep texting to a minimum, if they do it at all - but I find texting more "casual" than calling. Here in NZ, anyway, calling a girl when you just met her the night beforehand can seem "out of the blue," and "intense."

Don't get me wrong, I'll only text with the intention of it leading to a meet-up. Some playful, flirtatious banter is good, but the conversation should end when you've arranged a date. Superfluous texting is tiresome and pointless; get to know her in person.

Anyway, it's via text that shit-testing becomes more prevalent - at least here in NZ. I think it says a lot about the emotional state she's in over the days following the # close. She met this guy and the excited emotional state she was in when she met him has almost completely worn off - she's now going to want to see if you have as much value as you seemed to have when she met you. She'll test the waters, test your frame - she's trying to see what she can get away with!

When a girl shit-tests you via text you MUST flip it back on her. Always. Not only must you appear unfazed by her shit-test, but a good way to respond is by shit-testing HER.

Here are some examples of shit-testing via text and how I deal with them:

Are we all familiar with "Miss High Value?" This girl is annoying but she can be easily disarmed. You probably know who I'm talking about. She's the girl who says things like "wouldn't you like that," etc, in an overt attempt to assert higher value and convey you as a desperate suitor. Just flip it back on her and turn it up if you have to. Example:

Me: I was thinking of grabbing a drink in Ponsonby tomorrow night. Wanna tag along?
Her: You'll be lucky buddy
Me: Just thought you might be lonely.
Her: I joke. Of course I'd love to

Doesn't seem like there's much to this interaction, but a tussle of value has taken place. She tries to lower my value by implying that I'd be "lucky," to have her company. An AFC would at this point try to win her over - "come on, it will be fun! we'll get ice cream. i'll drive you. please?" And this would let her know that she did INDEED have higher value and was in control.

I disarmed her by implying that I was doing her a favor by asking her out, because I didn't think she got out much. Instantly her value goes down, mine goes up. I've not only passed the shit-test; I've gone up in value because she's the one who concedes and admits that she'd love to come out.

Shit-testing isn't just about trying to lower your value - it can be about stealing your frame, too. You've probably encountered "The Frame Stealer." This girl will try to call you out on any part of your game that seems unusual or different. She may disqualify you through sarcasm; saying things like "smooth..." or "you're so weird." This is a powerful frame to inhabit because it can make you feel like you're doing something wrong, when really you're not. The standards she has for social interaction are also completely subjective and in this case, lofty, which can further convince you that you're making a hash of things.

She could do this when she feels your frame is becoming too strong, or she may be an insecure girl in general. Example:

Me: How long have you been living in Auckland?
Her: About 3 years! What a weirdo question haha
Me: Do my questions make you uncomfortable? Are you some kind of fugitive..
Her: Mayyyybe, are you the guy they've sent after me?

See how an initial attempt on her part to steal the frame and turn me into "the weirdo" was flipped back on her and turned the conversation into a more playful interaction?

Here are some more reactions to shit-tests, just to give you the general idea of flipping it back on them, keeping your value and getting your frame back.

Her: You're so cheesey!
Me: You don't get out much do you?

Her: I bet you say this to all the girls!
Me: No, only some of them.

Her: You're creepy!
Me: You're retarded.

You don't have to be cruel. You're not bullying her. You're just gently keeping her in YOUR frame and demonstrating that YOU are the boss. The interaction takes place on YOUR terms, and you are of EQUAL value. Shit-tests are serious! Watch out for them and pass them! Otherwise you'll find yourself beneath her in a role she trained you to inhabit.

Feel free to post shit-tests and how you dealt with them!

After a serious close including me fucking her outside the bar behind some bushes I wanted to set up a day 2.

Me: Hey! How are you:)? You feel like coming over this week? Wednesday would be perfect.
Her: I didn't expect this, but I'm curious to see if I still like you when I'm sober;) However Wednesday isn't a very good time for me. Maybe next week. X

She is trying to lower my value by asking herself if she likes me when she's sober. How do I turn this around and keep my value up? Also, she's shit testing me on saying 'maybe next week', she's trying to see if I'll bait and beg for her to come anyway. However, I do want to nail this girl again this week (she's cute), how do I get her to come over on Wednesday, or some other day this week without seeming desperate?

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Cheers mate

This girl is definitely trying to lower your value and frame steal. Don't you hate the "maybe" girl?

Use her own tricks against her. So, she's asking herself if she still likes you when she's sober? You could flip it on her, and turn it up, by implying you barely even remember her. Her: "I'm curious to see if I still like you when I'm sober." You: "I'm just curious to see you in daylight!"

Same tactic with the "Maybe next week." She's being ambiguous and hard to get, so reply in the same manner. "I've got a big week next week but we'll see."

Then give her a good few day's silence and hit her up the next week. Sometimes it's good to start with general banter instead of arranging to meet up in the first text. Your texting should have a general vibe that you could "take it or leave it." Good luck.

I know what ya mean by texting in NZ is the normal thing to do

Im from ChCh and women are always shit testing

Where ya from mate?

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Can only pull when drunk but hoping to change this

Auckland mate, you up here much?

Yes, shit-testing is rife, I'm not sure if it's particularly bad in New Zealand. Even my GIRLFRIENDS shit-test me fairly often. It's like they're programmed to constantly monitor the dominance of their partner.

Not very often ae..but i do every now and then. Last time i was in aux i got a lay. Im from the army down in chch and was using it alot and the girls were loving it.

I cant really use it down in chch cause us army boys have a bad rep lol

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Can only pull when drunk but hoping to change this

Real nice post, I liked it a lot.

I just got a shit-test, at least that's what i think it is. And I was researching it.

Me (after she used my pictures for a present): Hey! I've got copyright on those pictures, what do i get in return?
She: Haha, you're such a joker!

On my own guts I was going for a:
But I think that won't be sufficient enough.

Any nice comebacks from your part?
Going on your advise: You haven't met any real jokers lately haven't you?

Either of those theoretically work. The smiley face shows you've taken what she said as a complement - thereby disarming it. I personally don't like to use smileys though - they aren't very masculine/dominant, and can be construed as passive aggressive.

I'm not sure I fully understand where you're coming from with the second one but at least it's putting pressure on her. Answering shit-tests with questions is good for that.

Sometimes, and especially for a comment as superfluous as hers, you can pass by simply ignoring it. Bear that in mind too.

She postponed and asked for this Thursday. I've sent her a message last week saying I'm busy, and I'll let her know whether Thursday is going to work or not (it is). Now, I'd like to seal the date, what do I do to get her to come over?

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Cheers mate

Just go for the jugular. "Let's do tonight. My address is _____. Swing by at 8." It's dominant. It's a strong frame. This sort of boldness WILL be challenged with shit-tests. She'll want to test your frame. She might say she's not sure if she can make it, or complain that you should come to her. Just stick by what you've said, while at the same time having an air of carelessness, as though if she decides not to come round it isn't going to affect you.

All the books write it down so easily like this one:

Men who succeed in texting:
-they don't answer question, but lead the conversation
-they don't seek approval
-they are a challenge for women


How do you do or say these things? It's so abstract. None of the books I've read make it any easier to get from # close to a Day2. What do I say when I call or text, how to come over as not needy, how does one lead the conversation? Those are the things I'm struggling with.
What I'd like is to meet up with a girl, have a nice meet-up (not a date) and then either go for a close or a second meet-up. The succesrate from #closes to D2's is waaay to low.

I hate to admit, but I need help on this one guys.

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Cheers mate

Great post man, with some really good examples thrown in; should be quite helpful to many in improving an important aspect of their game.

Here is how I handled a shit test just now and it is one that just about every texter will get.

My opener lead into this...

Me: Just think about the outcome if you had played your cards right.
Her: Listen stranger, if you're thinking you could play the hero card and make me feel better last night, and then come over and fuck me, then you're WRONG. I'm not that girl, better stick to you hotdog girl.
Me: Slow down cowboy, I don't put out. Leave it to girls to think that "the outcome" always needs to be sex when the cards are played right.
Her: Exact quote "She'll probably be a better fuck anyways:)".
Me: A little sarcasm never hurt anybody.
Her: Hahaha!
Her: How can I tell your sarcasm if I don't even know your name


1. She obviously knew I meant fucking her.
2. I made her feel like she was no different than any other girl.
3. Game on.

So Girl says-im kinda pissed off can we mabye just like talk
Me-Im the best go big or go home
her-haha:) i just got in a huge fight with my mom, so glad im going away this weekend
me-its cute u stick up for yourself
her-haha thanks

how do i close it so she comes back for more

I need help with this girl who I have a good attraction with and think I can bang her on the first date.

Me: Tought of you ..saw a women with a nice mustasch like you. (a kind of bad neg I said to her when we met,)
HB7: Haha that wasnt nice!
Me: I had to give back from when I met you. (we both were negging each other)
HB7 :( if you are not nice, you will not see me. (I made up pictures of when we will see each other next time she will have the best time of her life)
Me: Haha but then you will miss your chance to have a amazing time
HB7: Haha up to prove

And now I dont know what to say I feel like I have blowed it off. But this girl really liked me when I met her.
Im from sweden so it can be hard to translate the meanings in the message.