Hey guys,
Very often I find myself wondering how to follow up properly after first date..
I had two first dates lately-

First girl from tinder we had a date on Friday night. We had a solid, not to long, date, walking on the boardwalk (she doesn't drink alcohol so I preferred to walk with her and find quiet place to sit), at the end of the date we made out a little bit.
Day after, at the noon, I txted her "I had a great time last night" she txted back the same. After couple hours I txted her again if she would like to something fun together tonight, she asked "like what" I replied "surprise". She agreed. Afterwards she didn't answer my txt, I waited an hour then I tried to call her, but she didn’t answer. Few hours later, she texted back that she don’t think she can go out tonight and she will call me back later. She didn’t call...

What should be my next step? Should I give up? Or try txt her again day after? Couple days after?


Second girl (from Okcupid) I dated last night in a pub, in some reasons I couldn’t escalate too much (I got some leaks on my dating game that I am trying to improve – but this for another post), the date was ok, she laughed and talked a lot and also hinted on second date. but at the end of the date, after I escort her to her car, I went for the kiss (I know I should go for the kiss during the date and not in the end) and she turn her cheek, mumbling "its little awkward"..
Morning after I texted her that I had a great time. She replied only in the evening "sorry for the delay... Had a good time too"

Did she flacked? What should be my next step (didn’t wrote her back yet)?


General questions: what should be my first follow up txt? "Had a great time..." is good enough?
When should be my second txt if she txting back that she had a great time too( let say solid first date - not great, but not bad)?

Thanks for any advice!

This used to be my follow-up mentality for a long time until I realized that this is almost the same as fishing for how she took the date. The polite answer is always going to mirror what you said, that doesn't mean that she really felt the same way. The best way to set a second date, IMO, is during a high point on the first date. Then your follow up text should be telling her when and where you're going to meet.Pretty much the same adivce I gave you above. I don't count a girl out because she doesn't kiss on the first date, but I will cut the second date short if she still seems cold to the idea of a kiss on the second.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

Honestly that's the kind of text I receive from women. So leave the femininity to them.
Besides, you were fishing for validation and that's not very attractive.
Her actions are pretty clear. She's not interested.
It's great that you know you should kiss her during the date, so next time actually follow through. I don't blame women when they turn the cheek at the end. It is awkward. It's not natural and it's not felt.

You need to stop the "had a great time" thing. I can't stress it enough.
A good followup text would be referencing a funny moment that happened on the first date. Or an inside joke. If for some reason that's not an option simply start a normal, light and fun conversation and set up an subsequent date.
Or what Jack said.

But you need to stop fishing for permission to ask them out again.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Thanks for the tips!
So no more "had a good time" txt after the date (unless she sending first)


Is it better sometimes to leave the kiss and not trying to escalate, just target for the second date, if in some reason you couldn't make it during the date and there is a risk it will lead to awkward moment at the end?

If you are sure of getting a second date then yeah it is best to not go for an akward kiss. BUT it's best to just do it during the date. The only 2 reasons for it not happening on a date are

1) you are overthinking and waiting for the 'perfect' moment
2) The date is going bad and a kiss would just be weird.

What reason would that be? Look, if a woman agrees to go on a date with you that's because she is, to varying degree, interested. So no, it is never a good idea to not escalate. Why would you not? Why even go on a date if you're not going actually date? That's like going to a concert just to plug earphones and listen to something entirely different.
It defeats the purpose of going.

And I've heard guys argue that they "couldn't" escalate because they sat across from each other. As if they have no control over that?
It's the simplest fix in the world - just sit next to her.
The bar offers exclusively face to face sitting? Cool, go to a different one.

The only real reason guys don't escalate is because they're scared to expose themselves to the possibility of rejection.
And not escalating is one of the main reasons guys don't get second dates to begin with.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I understand the Ideal is to always escalate and get forward as possible. I am making many mistakes, I am aware of It. I am still studying and trying to improve my game with each date. and until I will become the best as I can I probably keep doing mistakes, so I want to deal the best as I can with those mistakes..

Btw, I always sit next to my date (it was the first thing that I learned about first dates). In this case I set next to her but after a while the waitress asked us to move to other table because we took 4 people table, in the other table I couldn't sit next to her, only in front of her, what prevented the escalation (to only some hand touching).

I'm sure you could've moved the chair at a 90 degree angle.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

If you are looking to get laid. Tell these girls that you will call them/text the day after your date, then don't. Give it several days, a week, or more. When you do finally text them don't talk about how great the previous date was.

There. I fixed that for you.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

NO, NO and NO. I used to have that same mentality when I went on a date with a 9 a few years ago and I still regret it to this day. YOU HAVE TO KISS HER ON THE FIRST DATE, period. You have to escalate on the first date. No need for sex but you absolutely have to kiss her. From my experience on hundreds of dates, no kiss on first date = no second date 99.9% of the time lol.

One of the best moves you can make when you go on a date when its over is to tell the girl to text/call you to let you know she got home safely. If she does it, she's clearly interested and its pushed her to initiate contact. If she doesn't, you know you can probably cut your loses and keep it moving on.

I don't think I've ever once in my life text a girl saying " I had a great time with you" as an initiating text after a first date. It strikes me an incredibly feminine, and a bit insincere. Are you saying that because you legitimately want to tell her you had a good time? Or are you only saying that as a heat check to find out whether or not she's interested and enjoyed your company? Surely them confirming that they had a good time as well meant nothing, because of the obviously result. I'd personally recommend you stop doing that all together.

Sounds to me like they just weren't that interested. Perhaps they were looking for some male contact. But not much about the date made them feel inspired to continue you. I'd let the girls go for now and keep getting out there. And i mean actually getting out there. Online dating will get you some easy dates, but it won't do much to build you character into someone thats effective on those dates. This is a pick up forum after all. If you want the advice of guys with high levels of success with women, you should also try living the life.

_________________
Need Coaching? For 1 on 1 Coaching via SPAM, Phone or Instant Messenger - Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com

Show Support, Buy The Book: 'The Secret Laws Of Social Wisdom - Click Here

http://www.EddieFews.com