Hey all,

I wanted to ask for opinions about a sort of pattern I've detected in two similar cases. Both girls have boyfriends and they both behaved in a similar manner.

Case 1: We took the same bus to work, she (HB8) opened me, had similar lines of work so she asked for contact info. Spent whole day texting each other, talking about families, relationship, etc. Over the next few days she introduced me to friends, occasionally mentioned how she needed "a real man, not a woman man" while presumably referring to her bf, with whom they were gonna move in together... Then she completely shut down. Then she just had ups and downs. One day she would chat me up, the next she would stop all communication. If that was a shit test then I know I did terribly and appeared way too needy.

Case 2: Girl at work. Hot Nerd. Also with bf. Started slowly but at some point she became really friendly with me (bf was out of town for a while) and she would start and maintain long conversations about everything, trying to make jokes, asking me stuff, etc. Used the opportunity to subtly invite her for brunch and a sort of walk in a big park close to my house this weekend (I live in a suburb a bit out of town). Initially said yes, quite happily too, but when I brought it up on Friday she said she had forgotten about it and couldn't come. She didn't offer any reason why or to setup another meeting/date/whatever this was. Having learned from case 1 above, I didn't make a big deal of it, just played cool and casual and gave her less attention than before.


So here it is. I did work all the attraction material quite well in the beginning in both cases, being casual, cool, not giving her too much attention, DHVing, breaking rapport, being cocky/funny, the works. This lead to some strong initial interest with both girls moving the interaction forward and then suddenly... poof, all gone.

Is this lack of qualification or something, a shit test, or is it just a couple of chicks with BFs wanting to enjoy a bit of flirt and a bit of game?

Any tips on how to react in these situations and how I could turn this around?

Thanks in advance!

There's the problem brother. You have successfully friend zoned yourself. You were an easy kill.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

sexually unavailable,

chances are the main reason for the flakes is because she has a boyfriend, she absolutely will not meet a guy alone, she knows what guys are like, this is a sign girl is not a cheater and not interested in sex with you currently, she just wants some attention from a guy she likes, she has a boyfriend to take care of her sexually and won't put herself in a position to compromise this

it is fairly common that when a girl has a boyfriend and she is sexually available to you (willing to cheat), she just won't ever let you know she has a boyfriend (unless sex seems relatively close and obvious, and at that point if you are interested just take responsibility and keep escalating)

also flaking is not really a big deal, but as soon as you notice it in a pattern, it is a good sign there is dis-interest, a girl who is not compliant is a waste of time, you should pay attention to compliance more then indicators of interest, what she does is far more important than what she says

even if a girl finds you attractive, there are alot of other circumstances that will determine if she is sexually available to you, not only that but if she doesn't feel like she is comfortable with you or has some sort of connection, she is less likely to feel like meeting up (this is more of an issue for cold approaches, if you have a good couple hours of face time, this problem is most likely solved and if you are getting flakes it is another issue)


if you really really want to try to pursue this, make the invites out to do something with other people, then try to isolate and bounce to another spot in person, use your opportunity to escalate and take responsibility (try to fully close, as if you don't and only make out she might just know the deal and feel guilty, and never put herself in that position again), and if she turns you down in person, then really you didn't lose anything you didn't have to begin with, you can just throw your shoulders up and say, ''meh was worth a shot'' then just drop her and move on, girls know what the deal is when hanging alone with a guy, and honestly most girls with boyfriends are not worth the time and effort, even if you do close, now your only possibility is dating a girl who is not trust worthy, if she will be alone with you and cheat on a boyfriend, 100% guaranteed she would just as gladly cheat on you if you were her boyfriend too

Hmmm.... I see your point. Case1 did continue giving me IOIs for the coming weeks and at some point did tell me where is this going, I don't do this, I'm a very sweet girl, I have a boyfriend, etc.... but I guess being too available, not letting her wonder more about me and not using texts to set up a meeting but rather to actually exchange information definitely doesn't help.

For Case2, I'm not sure how things could have gone differently though since we work together and she also has a bf so wouldn't I need longer contact in order to build more attraction for something to happen?

Thanks for your insight!

Hmm... so what does it mean when there is compliance in the beginning and then flakiness and non-compliance all of a sudden? To the point of hardly saying good morning let alone making a conversation? And yet, when we're with a group and I tell jokes, etc, I will catch her looking at me smiling at different times, like after I've finished talking or when someone else is saying something, or when there are random pauses. Then again she doesn't have much choice because everyone else at work is boring as hell...

I wonder if I should have just done more to maintain the feeling of attraction in the days between setting up the meeting/date and the weekend. In that she was at an emotional high when I invited her and then my acting cool and casual let the feeling dwindle over the course of the next few days.

Thanks for your input!

Proximity alone or your nearness to her can build sexual attraction. It has something to do with male hormones. Crank those sex hormones up and you don't need to talk much. Talking too much = Friend; Talking less but more action = Lover

Sexual Attraction Multipliers

• 1. Sexual innuendo
  
  2. High hormonal levels triggered through exercise, excitement due to accomplishments, or watching a violent movie.
  
  3. Kino escalation or Kino pinging
  
  4. Display of dominance and sexual intent through eye contact
  
  5. Intrusive thinking. Don't answer her questions directly. Let her want to know more about you. Don't tell your age, your name, number and so on. Let girls work hard for these information about you. When she thinks of you more, the more attracted she will become. If you leave her with nothing to think about, you lose.

Sexual Attraction Destroyers

• 1. Opposite of items above.
  
  2. Being an easy kill. Make her chase. Make it hard for her. When you do reward her, it will be the sweetest reward for her even though your reward is just SPAM your phone number. She'll jump up and down gleefully.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

she used to meet up with you on dates before, one on one without her boyfriend?
were you kissing her?, was there meaningful kino established?
was she well aware of your sexual intentions while offering compliance?

Ah, I see what you mean. I must have misunderstood compliance. The answer to all of the above is no. Only going out with others, then isolating, some kino but not "meaningful" as you put it. Those questions of yours definitely help put things into the right perspective

Thanks again!

Great info. Thanks!