Damn it damn it damn it.

I've just booked a holiday away with an ex girlfriend who I met when I was seriously AFC. She's my oneitis!

I was holding my game so well with her and C+F all the way. She was calling and texting me, and asking to hang out and I was not being supplicant.

Anyway, I let her know that I see a few women, just to set the scene. I've started to develop feelings for her again, and said the most AFC thing possible, because of oneitis... "I like you" and "I want to know you better".

She's started saying things like "We're not having sex on holiday" and "we're friends... ". I said "We're not friends.. I don't want to be friends"...

Just as a note.. she's in her mid 40's

Damn I lost the frame completely..

Anyway to recover??

Cheers

Zantuna

Um you pretty much cut off your balls and gave them back to her. She's an Ex, unless you broke up with her, the roles should be reversed. she should be the one saying those words to you.

If any recovery, the best you could do is just to stop talking to her, stop all contact, don't return her calls or texts for a little bit (not forever) and start hanging with other girls. Maybe you can respond with "I"m going downtown/out with so and so" with so and so being a female of course. That could work, if it doesn't then she doesn't have any feelings of you beyond friendship.

If she does start to gain interest or is trying to "pull you back" then don't fall back into AFC/wuss bag mode. Make her chase you more until she starts revealing feelings to you. Even then don't ever be an AFC/wuss bag even in a relationship. Be a man!

Basically you have to switch roles. But the way you carried yourself, the best hope is to do the above.

Cheers chazman,

Kinda wot I thought.. it's hard to not slip back into AFC when you're getting some feelings back from someone. But I did notice that when I wasn't being wimpy, and was busting her balls she was giving me stuff back... as is the case!

I chatted to her last night and mentioned a girl who was coming over... she was probing me to find out details.. what I was cooking etc. I could detect a hint of jealousy because of this. Like a fool, I then said that she wasn't actually coming round tonight, and I'd told her this to get her reaction... she asked me how she reacted, and I told her jealousy "which was good!" She laughed by I could tell what she was feeling.

Anyway, I'm gonna go back to busting balls again, being distant and never again telling her I like her etc.

Gonna be hard to cancel the holiday with her though.. it's in a few weeks and its booked!

Hmm...

Just as an aside now though..

She's asked me to go to the cinema with her on Friday... do I say no??

When I'm next with her, do I act aloof and not kino, or anything? i.e. act as if I don't fancy her?

Do I have to cancel the holiday with her?

Help!

Sorry for the delay, I forget to check the forums a lot.

Good job, you got a reaction out of her but then you just gave the mystery all away. You have to keep her wondering for a bit (not forever) or your no longer interesting or won't be after some time.

If you keep increasing her interest then just giving all the mystery/interest away your going to loose her interest and if you keep doing that then nothing will work since she will come to expect your BSing all the time and may even figure out your just trying to keep her interested.

Keep her wondering and don't give her info like (who, what, ect.) keep her wondering for a few days. If she keeps asking or insists then tell her, but you know if she gets to that point then she's jealous for sure.

What you should have done like if she asks you what your cooking, just say her favorite meal. If she keeps probing for details, at some point say "why?".

However since it seems like she's still interested regardless, I think you did ok. However younger/more attractive women will loose interest fast.

It's entirely up to you, if you want to go to the cinema then there's no problem going but if you don't feel like it, just say your busy or something. Don't give details, keep it mysterious. If you do go, just do what you've been doing since it seems like your keeping her interest so far.

As for acting aloof? What do you mean by that? Just act yourself but in a non-AFCish way. Kino is good but you got to know when to do it. If you do it too early you'll turn her off but I'd just start with some canned routines (ESP, astrology, the cube, ect.) since that usually involves kino and will also put her guard down. Even better just come up with your own.

At first don't act like you fancy her. She has to earn it. If you sense her trying to gain your interest then give her some back here and there. It's like push/pull thing. Never too much or too little.

Well if the holiday is booked (has it happened yet?) then only cancel if it's legit like if you really get sick or something.However I don't know what type of holiday/vacation it is. If it's somewhere interesting just have a fun time. I personally love vacations and like to go and venture on my own (or with someone) out of my own pure interest. I wouldn't let myself conform to what she wants to do and follow her around. I'd just lead the way. Have her follow you, say you'd like to do/try this and that.

If she doesn't want to then just go without her. It shows that she has "no control" over you which makes you challenging/more interesting to her.

If going places/trying things are not on the agenda and you plan to just spend a lot of time with her doing whatever then I'd say build up the kino and take it from there. If the time is right and you can tell she wants to be kissed (like leaning on you or all over you ect.) then go for it. If you get turned down, shrug it off and say "ok" no "if's" or "sorry's" and don't mention it. Just act like it doesn't phase you and that should get her wondering what's up with you (assuming you've changed). Women want to feel wanted.
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I was a major AFC with my ex, but you can bounce back from that by using kino(touching right? I know several of the things pickups do, but didn't know any terms till recently) and teasing. Keep in mind this might not win her back in a relationship but can get you some action. My ex dumped me cause I wasn't "strong" enough but didn't stop me from getting her to do things she didn't want to do with me anymore sometimes And for the record she didn't drink so it made it much harder as well.

Thanks for the help Chaz and all!

We're sort of together now. Been kissing etc. She said she missed me when we weren't together etc. I'm not sure how far it'll go but am learning from my mistakes anyway!

Not sure if we'll shag on holiday, but am gonna have a damn good time regardless. I'm trying to maintain the PUA mentality now that we've been "together" for a week or so. I know the shit tests etc continue even when you're in a relationship, but do you have to try so hard... I mean, you've gotta start talking about normal stuff at some point.

I always worry that when the talking stops, she'll get bored or something, but I guess that's just normal.. you can't be talking all the time! Anyway, when we're out walking or whatever, there's so much to talk about on the trip so it's all good!

I'll post back here after I get back from the trip which is soon.

Thanks again guys!