I cold approached a chick in the bar, k-closed her in the bar, got the phone number. She says to me in the bar "call me Sunday -- I want to meet for drinks Monday night" and I said "sure". I call her Sunday leave a voice mail (never heard back from her) then today (Monday) I text her "hey flaky mcflakstein" and get an instant response of "hey sorry I didn't call you back I just got out of a 2 year relationship and I don't want to date right now blah blah". Should I just let this one go? What should I learn from this??

I'm feeling I should have disqualified myself some more in the bar by pre-empting her by me saying *first* "I don't think we should date" or something like that.

Maybe I should have built more attraction and I won't hear this BS???

I know some of you guys have heard this one before.

Well it's common... they are all excited in the night, and then after the excitement is over, everything feels different and they wonder what they've got into. It's important to acknowledge the feelings causing them to behave and say the things they do, and not actually the words they say.

I'm speaking from having had similar experiences, but still working on this. Personally I don't think the issue is what you did in the bar. Everything went well then.

And it's obvious from what you've said that she's become cold and deliberately unresponsive. I think if she says "Call on Sunday" and you do, like a little puppy dog, and leave a "normal" message like "hey, call me back" etc. and you can FEEL like this is all boring and she has all the power, that's bad. You have to take her out of that "oh what have I got myself into" mindset, and do something that makes things feel good, and make you feel like she doesn't have all the power.

I believe you need to do anything to "take control". Things like, if you have a plan for an awesome night out, and it needs to be on a specific night, you need to push for that night.
If she says to call you back at a specific time, send her a text saying you're a bit busy at the moment, and as little explanation as possible. (Planning to call her back another time. Probably then if you phone, she will answer out of curiosity)

Main thing is if it "feels" right.

If you "feel" like she might have all the power and might be feeling like you are desperate to meet her, you need to say something to change that feeling. Start subtle though, no need to be brutal outright. And at the same time, you can't end up in a stalemate where both of you end up not meeting each other - I guess it's an art that you kind of have to just feel your way along in the moment, keeping that principal in mind. I believe you can sound not very available, but at the same time, directly offer her a small window of opportunity. But I'd say scale it up gradually, don't cancel on her outright first thing. Play with it a bit...

And I also believe there's always something to do - just depends on if you work out what it is. So you should always try, if you feel compelled to do so.

So in your situation, sounds like you need to first throw her off the idea that you want to pursue her at any cost, and then remind her how fun the other night was somehow, and set the tone for fun, casual stuff. Eg... "Yikes, did I propose to you last night? How drunk was I?? Hahah, yeah I just came out of a relationship too, I'm not up for anything serious. I just like hot girls, what can I say X bar at 7pm, cool?"

Actually I think you are also right. It would probably make things a lot easier if you set the frame right off the bat - once things start "looking good" and you get a number, or just as the night ends, let her know "Don't get any ideas. I just got out of a relationship so I'm not after anything serious. You seem cool though - let's catch up."

Make sure when you do, it's something where things can happen. Sitting alone at a table just asking each other questions is shit. Make sure you get to walk around and interact with other people or look at different things.