Ok...I've failed for the second day in a row and feel like a total pussy. Somebody please give me some reassurance!!!

(Sorry for the novel, put PLEASE read and let me know what you think)

First off, I have zero experience approaching women at all. Its something I have been desperately trying to work on. I've never had a girlfriend but have had a couple successes with women who practically had to throw themselves at me.

I just finished day 2 of 3 of a training program for a new job I just started. There is about 100 people in the program, divided amongst five separate groups. The girl of interest is in one of the other groups and I only see her for a few minutes in the morning before training and a few minutes right after being released for the day.

Every time I see her, I feel as though she gives me several glances. I've tried multiple times to introduce myself, but continually pussy-ed out due to my poor conversation skills. So thus far, I have had zero one-on-one interaction. I can tell with certainty that she is somewhat shy and possibly a little insecure like myself.

So here is my plan for my 3rd and final chance:

I want to make a SINCERE PROMISE to myself that I will at least talk to her even if it is short-lived and totally unsuccessful. I know I will regret not taking the the opportunity for a long time if I don't.

My plan of approach is to hopefully catch her in the morning as she is walking towards the building before she has any chance to get into conversation with another girl I always see her talking to. I plan on opening by paying her a sincere compliment regarding her very nice/classy style of dressing. Word for word (since I'm to anxious to come up with anything on the spot) I plan on saying something along the lines of "Hey how you doing? You know, I've been wanting to tell you how much I like your style. Very classy." {{{Please give me you opinion of this opener}}}

I'll probably then move into a little jib-jab about the job, exchange names, and then come flat out and tell her I've been trying to talk to her since day one but have been too nervous because she is so very attractive. {{{This I am also very unsure on...please let me know what your think}}} Depending on her feedback, I will then ask for an e-mail as we are walking into our separate training rooms.

Please let me know what you think of this approach and if there is anything I can do differently to make it more casual and less awkward. And maybe, some possible scenarios that I should prepare for. I have a really good feeling about this, but I really think I just need some reassurance.

Thanks!!!

Yea dude just go for it. The best advice I cxan give you is to talk to a few people beforehand so you can into a more talkative mood..

And if I were you, I would make it a little more casual, so instead of saying "I've been wanting to tell you how much I like your style. Very classy," I would word it more like "You're cute....And you dress pretty classy. Most people don't dress like that, its nice" But as long as you say it nonchalantly and it sounds genuine, you should be fine..

And DEFINITELY don't say that you were too nervous because shes so attractive. Just say you never got a chance to talk to her or whatever, but don't make a big deal out of it..
And fuck e-mail, just go straight for the number instead..

Thanks for the reply!

My only issue is that I don't know if I can pull it off as casual conversation. I fear that I've been noticeably non-social during our breaks/waiting for starting time. I've talked to a few people but other than that I'm kinda quiet, so it seems like it might be out of place.

Also, you dont think its a good idea to acknowledge that I've noticed her before but was nervous?? (Considering that she is noticeabley shy/nervous acting herself) I just dont think that I can casually pop up beside her and start a convo....more than likely I will have to actually walk over to her and get her attention. In which case I'm gonna need something specifically regarding her to talk about.

I was kind of going for the balls out "direct because this is my last chance to talk to you" approach, bit if this doesnt seem like a good idea I will plan for something else more casual.

One more thing....what would be an appropriate number close for this type of situation? I'm racking my brain and cannot come up with anything casual enough.

Thanks again! Any other feedback is GREATLY APPRECIATED.

No, you can definitely go for the "direct because this is my last chance to talk to you" approach, but just don't mention that you were nervous. You can just say something like "Hey (pause)This is kinda random, but (pause) you're cute, so I figured I'd come over here and talk to you cuz I might not get another chance."

A nonchalant number close is "ok, you definitely seem really cool so. You said you do xyz, which is awesome. I love xyz cuz blah blah blah. Lets exhange numbers and if we like each other on the phone, maybe we'll hang out"
You can leave out the "you do xyz" part if you didn't get a chance to talk to her that much and find out that much about her.

You can even make it as simple as "Look, you're adorable... Whats your number?" And then hand her your phone.

Hmmm...I like that. It seems SOOOO easy talking about it in here, but I freeze the fuck up when it becomes real.

I blame my problem not on "approach anxiety", but simply on my poor social/conversation skills. I know I would be a superstar if I just had more confidence in my ability to say something interesting/relevant when I need to.

Anyways, I will give it my very best shot tomorrow. (Fortunately this isnt a one-itis situation because I dont even care about the outcome....I just care about trying. And I'm gonna be kicking myself if I dont)

Thank you again for you help

One other thing that is kind of bothering me.......

I almost feel like it was obvious that I SHOULD have talked to her the other days, but instead chose to avoid like crazy. I feel like I need to provide some explanation as to why.

I know I shouldnt be worrying about it....typing it out just helps for me to put things into perspective.

It is approach anxiety that prevented you from talking to her. Its a lack of confidence in yourself that promotes that anxiety, the trick is to become more confident. After you succed with this chick, go do the newbie mission

_________________
Social interactions and fun, that's why I'm here.

Triple fail.

I had the most perfect opportunity in the world, like it was put in front of me by God himself.....and I waited 1 minute to long and blew it. She was sitting by herself...no earphones...no cell...just waiting for a ride for like 10 minutes. (All while I sat 20ft away pretending to do the same/be busy on my phone)

Its no big deal though..I know there's plenty more out there. I'm just worried I'm coming to a point in my life where great opportunities such as this one become much fewer and farther between. (21y/o, about to graduate college and enter professional workforce)

I don't know why I just can't get my mindset right.....logically I know I'm just like everyone else; I'm human, smart, and I even rate myself a solid 8/10 appearance wise. But because I think on some other level, I get anxious and get to the point where........this is funny actually.........if I'm having a normal enjoyable conversation with a good, close friend or family member, and even the slightest thought of "awkward eye contact" come across my mind, my eye contact goes totally weird and the conversation goes to shit.

{{If anyone has any input on this please chime in -->}} I think my biggest "excuse" for not just getting out there and practicing is my lack of conversation/social skills. I cannot carry a conversation with any stranger for shit unless it can relate to my one of my two real passions which are cars/motorcycles and sadly, my little friend mary jane. (neither of which are any good for talking with females). I try to read up on a multitude of interesting subjects, watch pop TV, see new movies, but can never seem to use it advantageously in conversation....or even remember it when it comes to those moments. (only with strangers of course) I have any especially hard time at business socials, networking events, parties where I don't know anyone, etc.

I feel that if I were confident in my ability to carry a conversation even with a dude, my approach anxiety for women would be GONE. This may just be my "excuse behavior" that is holding me back from just not going out and approaching as I should.

On a good note, I do feel like I'm coming out of a depression of sorts and I'm ready to do whatever it takes to build my confidence. My hopes are high and I am eager to get out there and try some purposeful blowout lines which I believe may help.

If you made it this far......thanks for reading another novel! And of course, feedback is greatly appreciated!

This is your biggest mistake...you aren't going and talking to her!! Remember the gretzky quote "I miss 100% of the shots I don't take". Its true...if you go up and try to get a girl and don't, you are in the same boat as before but at least now you know. Finally...don't level with the girl n say ur scalded or nervous...she might say that's cute but she will know she has the control. Also, don't be too complimentary. Compliment then neg. Like "hey I just had to tell u I love those shoes. My little neice was wearing my sisters shoes that look exactly like that. Its just adorable to me *big smile*". Then u could've easily said something about the training, fluffed, maybe had time to run a routine, n close. All of that COULD have been easily done in ten minutes. Next time...as soon as u think about a girl, just go. What's the worst that can happen, you don't get her? That is already the case! So go play my friend...oo n I've been out of college...there r still amazing girls all over the place!!

Maybe I can give you some input on this, as I just passed this problem as well.

I've always had trouble keeping strong eye contact, and as you mentioned the conversation feels a bit distracted as I start to look somewhere else.
Recently I worked on this.

What did I do?
I happened to watch some of the gamblers videos that you can find at the bottom of the index page on this forum (stealth attraction something) and I noticed how he used body language and eye contact in such an effective way.

So I just tried myself. Next time I talked to some one, friend, male or female, I just kept strong eye contact until the other person looked away. Just do it, if you fail, keep trying until you succeed and make this a habit of yours. Soon you won't even notice and you'll always be keeping strong eye contact with everyone. Took me maybe even 1 week and now I have no problem at all, what happened was that I just changed my mind set a little bit in a way I've never dared to do before, and it wasn't that bad. Suddenly I feel like I have the power, since I don't look away before the other person does, and hence the other person is more socially awkward (nervous) than me.

So now I have no problem holding eye contact ever, and the funny thing is that it's really easy to change, you just didn't have the confidence to change yourself before, but now you do.

Another thing I want to say is that you should break this whole thing down to small parts and practice on each part.
If you have trouble opening, go and open chick (a lot of them), with the only intention to talk for maybe 1 minute and then leave. Do not plan to take the conversation further, you're not approaching to get laid (yet) but to learn how to open. And so, all the pressure is gone. Either the opener works or not, if not, you either change the opener or analyse your body language and delivery until it works, or just simply try another opener.

Soon you'll be a master of opening, you will know what works and what doesn't, and then you can go on to the next step.

Me personally just got to this point, I'm going to learn how to open but didn't have the opportunity to go out partying yet. I've learned a 2-3 openers that I'm gonna try and I made up one myself also, just to try. And I'll keep my only goal for the night to open as many girls as I can. If it gets awkward, and I let's say used an opinion opener, I can just withdraw after I got the opinion.

Sorry for the long post but I felt that we were on the same level and that I had something to contribute here.

Good luck and the most important thing, just go out and do it, until it works, cuz obviously it does work (this forum is a perfect example of it).