Hey guys,
Just wanted to bring you all some thoughts I had today. Most of the people starting out on the forum or the community are first most worried about the opener itself. They are worried about what to say. The truth is what you say has very little to do with the opener actually working and you building attraction.
It has been said that 93% of your communication is non-verbal, and 7% is verbal. Thus, what you are saying isn't that important. Most of what you really need to focus on is going to be how you're saying it.
I'd first like to invite you to start out with one or two stock openers that you think suit your personality. From there you can use the tips contained below to work towards making how you are saying these words more effective.
- One of the biggest things I see and hear from people starting out is there are guys speaking way too fast when opening. Some of this comes from what part of the country you grew up in or even just your natural way of speaking. Remember to slow down, and annunciate your words. It's more important to that you are heard clearly. Be concious of this when you are opening and if you think you are going to fast then try to slow down your speech a good 50% of what you normally do.
- The next big thing is you have to be heard. There are tons of posts by guys on the forum saying,
"Hey, I go out to a night club and its so loud people can't hear me well." There is an easy way to remedy this and it means you need to work to speak from your diaphram. Before you speak take in a full breath of air, and speak on the exhale. Your voice will be amplified without straining your vocal box. Also, try aiming your voice to the person in the group furthest away from you. If they can hear you then so can the rest of the group.
If girls are having to say, "What?!?" over and over again they are becoming too committed to a conversation with a new person, and they will likely blow you out. Also being louder helps because it becomes socially awkward to ignore you at that point. In some cases if the girl has the chance to ignore you acting like she didn't hear you she will.
- Focial expression and having energy is going to be a big part of how you project what you are saying. You want to come in with a natural relaxed smile
not some big cheesy grin
. Make sure to use facial expressions to show excitement about what you are opening with.
- Eye contact is another huge part of body language that I believe we can all agree on. We don't want to stare people down but we do want to have eye contact. When you are talking to a group be sure to spread the eye contact around looking at everyone at some point during your opener.
- Verbal screw ups using words such as: "Um, uh, like, ahhh, mmm, Ok" are little words we interject when thinking about what to say next. It's natural to need to think about what you are about to say at some point. Instead of using these little verbal ticks use a pause. As we know pausing is a way to help hook the person you are talking too. When you use these verbal screw ups it sounds like you are nervous and not confident in what you are saying, even though for most people it's just years of saying them.
- Accents can be difficult to work with. I am from southern Kentucky where I had a pretty thick accent. With my accent at times I noticed people would judge me before they knew me. For others that have accents that aren't something really sexy like Italian or French then you may want to work to shed this accent. These can lead women to judging you based on stereotypes.
Finally, I would just say for those that are using opinion openers be sure not to milk the opinion openers. What I mean by that is an opening line is just used to get past the first few minutes of conversation. Don't milk the conversation into talking 20 to 30 minutes about this opinion. You don't really care what they say you are just getting into the conversation.
With these easy tips you can work to getting the most out of the 93% non-verbal communication that you are projecting. Done correctly it starts to matter less and less what you are really saying to the girl, it's all so much more in how you say it.
~Jon
CHAT
