Continuing my streak of cactus related posts, lemme tell you my field tested cactus opener. Basically you go up to a group of girls and tell them that you and your friend have been having an argument over whether or not a cactus is a good birthday gift for your younger niece. He thinks its crummy, and there are many reasons why it is crummy. You defend the redeeming value of a cactus, and yes there are many as well. I generally claim that a cactus, in addition to being aesthetically pleasing, teaches a little girl valuable lessons about nurturing life and can act as inspiration, as the cactus perserveres even i the toughest of conditions. Usually the girls think its a bad gift, then you ask them what they would recommend, then neg them on whatever they pick. It shows DHV for caring about your little niece to.

This opener is inspired by one of mystery's, who had a similar one involving an ant farm.

You can even break into song...

"Oh cactus tree, oh cactus tree!
Thou art so fine, and prick-e-ly"

(oh god. I saw that on fucking family ties when I was like 8 and I NEVER forgot it. They should ban tv, it warps the brains of young children forever.)