Approach anxiety in high pressure situations



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PostPosted: Fri Jul 21, 2017 11:42 am 
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I did around 250 approaches in the last few months. I am not afraid to approach single girls or 2-3 sets anymore, but only if there are not too many people around (or in some particular cases).

Despite this, I managed to do some approaches also in these kind of high pressure situations (with many people around), but most of the time I still have approach anxiety in these scenarios...

These are the kind of settings that I fear the most:

-N-girls and at least 1 guy (that seems the friend of the boyfriend of one of the girls).
Never done this.

-N-girls and at least 1 guy (that clearly has no connection with the set).
I did this sometimes.

-Girl with her family (mother or father).
Never done this.

-Moving girl with (too many) people around.
I did this sometimes, but I prefer when there are just few people.

I am not afraid of girls, I fear the reaction of people around.

Any suggestions?
I want to surpass my limits and to become able to approach in every situation (with social intelligence).

I think that becoming able to approach in these high presure situations has an intrinsic value. It will make a "normal approach" very easy in comparison.

Thanks.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 6:53 am 
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-Girl with her family (mother
It's fun and the mom TOTALLY helps out on the "pickup." It's crazy. Try it man.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:42 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
-Girl with her family (mother
It's fun and the mom TOTALLY helps out on the "pickup." It's crazy. Try it man.
:lol: :lol:
I had such experiences, though I didn't approach them, they came themselves, it was about a job I did at that time.
So I agree.

I was just about to close this topic (the window) when I remembered a situation that happened to me a few years ago. It was in water (sea) I was trying to talk to a girl who was with her mother. As already said above, mother was talking more than daughter. But I just didn't notice that they were trying to avoid me (because they were very friendly). In a minute or so I hear a deep male voice yelling at me from a distance: "What do you wanna know? Come here and ask me, I will tell you!!"
And then he was coming my way. I understood the seriousness of the situation, and did not let the guy threaten me. So it ended up OK (for me, of course).
:lol: :lol:
Of course, it was "the head of the familly", and I believe he thought I was after his wife, so he took it all wrong. Anyways, watch out for the fathers... :D

I personally also dislike when there's someone around who can listen to what we talk and I avoid such situations. I think it's normal, though I'd like to know opinion of the others here. :roll:

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At elske Een er for lidt; at elske Alle er Overfladiskhed; at kjende sig selv og elske saa mange som muligt [...] det er Nydelse, det er at leve.
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 4:55 pm 
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Ok, I will try to approach a set with the mother :-)

I think that daughter + father is the same as girl + boyfriend. It is probably best to avoid it.

On the other hand, I think that it is still possible to try it out, but you have to do it half-jokingly and with the right kind of people. I mean, maybe in the girl + boyfriend set they are in an open relationship (and the guy does not bother her to go with other guys) and maybe in the daughter + father set, the father likes you.

One scenario that I would like to try is guy + girl where the guy seems just a friend of the girl. Of course, it is better to open indirect anyway to control their actual relationship first and to choose a nice guy (not someone with written "I will kill you if you dare to touch her" on his face). Game the girl and steal her in front of him (I do not believe in friendship between man and woman, so I will assume that the guy likes her). This would teach the guy to be more direct.

Anyway, stopping a moving set with people around is still my major problem because I do not have time to evaluate them.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 7:39 pm 
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and to choose a nice guy
:lol: :lol:

Edit:
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One scenario that I would like to try is guy + girl
OK, so you like extreme sports. :D

The situation I mention above is a "rarity", I don't think it happens all the time. I mentioned it to be funny (though it really happened).
And I do and will avoid fathers. :lol: :lol:

And I see how one wrong word can create a wrong meaning. I did not let the guy frighten me, NOT threaten me (he was twice my size, so he easily could have threatened me :D ), so we exchanged a few sentences and he left.

I think it's very rare, situations like this. :roll:

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At elske Een er for lidt; at elske Alle er Overfladiskhed; at kjende sig selv og elske saa mange som muligt [...] det er Nydelse, det er at leve.
Søren Aabye Kierkegaard


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 9:16 pm 
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I think these situations help you build your muscle and reference experience. For me personally I don't open groups because there are so many other available situations that I don't waste the time and energy on groups. The most I'd do in that situation is invite the girl to extract herself from the group so I can have a 1 on 1 conversation with her. I'm not advising you to restrict yourself like I do because again having experience in groups or "2-sets" can only help build up your strength in the field.

An exception I make to the group thing is the the mom/daughter scenario hah. I'll even call the mom over if she's lingering so I can speak to both of them at once.

But yeah I really am restricting myself by not opening sets of girls for instance. Something I need to work on.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 9:51 pm 
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But yeah I really am restricting myself by not opening sets of girls for instance. Something I need to work on.
I am not an expert by any means (250 approaches), but please do at least the 2-sets (I did around 30 of these). Do you know what I noticed from the ones that hooked? It is even easier to talk!

Because when you do not know what to say anymore to one girl, you can switch to the other one or make a general question that will make both of them talk.

Something that works for me it is to start like this (I read somewhere in this forum):
Me: "You two look like best friends. The way you are moving your hands, legs etc (the more specific you are the better)".
Them: "Yes bla bla"
Me: "Apart from the attractiveness... what else have you two in common?"

One of the two will hook more. Try to close her. Starting semi-direct will allow you to choose the girl.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 24, 2017 10:29 pm 
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Quote:
But yeah I really am restricting myself by not opening sets of girls for instance. Something I need to work on.
I am not an expert by any means (250 approaches), but please do at least the 2-sets (I did around 30 of these). Do you know what I noticed from the ones that hooked? It is even easier to talk!

Because when you do not know what to say anymore to one girl, you can switch to the other one or make a general question that will make both of them talk.

Something that works for me it is to start like this (I read somewhere in this forum):
Me: "You two look like best friends. The way you are moving your hands, legs etc (the more specific you are the better)".
Them: "Yes bla bla"
Me: "Apart from the attractiveness... what else have you two in common?"

One of the two will hook more. Try to close her. Starting semi-direct will allow you to choose the girl.
Thanks man! Excellent advice.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 28, 2017 8:11 pm 
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The key with multiple girl sets is to let your target now you like her but then switch to the other girls and engage them and flirt to win them over so they don't feel the need to cock block. It also freezes out the Target and makes her want your attention more.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 3:30 pm 
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what I need to ask is how do you start a conversation and keep it going with a women? and improve sense of humour? :?:


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:00 pm 
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Quote:
what I need to ask is how do you start a conversation and keep it going with a women? and improve sense of humour? :?:
Try this:
approaching-and-opening/routine-stacking-vt205646.html

It is my answer to a similar question.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 12, 2017 3:11 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
-Girl with her family (mother
It's fun and the mom TOTALLY helps out on the "pickup." It's crazy. Try it man.
I have also noticed this and it blew my mind at first.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 22, 2017 9:57 pm 
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My favorite thing is opening groups. It's social proofing the avenue. It really depends where you are the environment you are in bro. In the example above you mention guy with girl or guy with two girls etc. It doesn't matter how many guys there are... What you wanna do is open up the dude... You want to not be a threat to his women. It's easy to talk to dudes... Ask him anything and just strike a man testosterone conversation. While talking him the rest of the group might switch to your attention then just introduce yourself. False time constraint - lead on and go.

When I arrive at the club or bar I open groups up for my first hour. I social proof the entire floor then i just bounce from group to group. My favorite thing to do as a DHV is to introduce the ugly women to the dudes standing around just gazing with their beer shields (Beer up at chest = horrible body language). This DHV's me with the dudes.

Anyhow, point being open groups up you just want to make sure you are imposing in their time and that's where false time constraints are always good or the immediate bounce of nice to meet all you and leave. Don't be afraid of dudes though their just ugly chick and far easier to open than females IMO


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