| For many men, the thought of walking up to a complete stranger, in the form of a pretty girl, is enough to make his palms sweaty, and his throat dry.
It is an anxiety that even the most successful men deal with on a daily basis.
In this day and age, dating apps such as Tinder, are at the forefront of the mainstream hook-up culture, for many reasons. In my opinion, the main reason is that of our fear towards communicating face to face, and putting in any risk of being rejected by a member of the opposite sex.
The whole notion of rejection and failure is frowned upon in society, as we are put through the education system and WARNED not to fail or make mistakes. The result of our failings are manifested in the form of an “F” grade, and as children, our “F’s” are hidden, whereas the A+’s are hung proudly on the fridge for all the family and friends to see.
This is how we are programmed and sent into the world as adults; desperately terrified of making mistakes, which results in many of us NEVER taking the risks or making the mistakes that would otherwise catapult us to our desired goals in a very short period of time. Carving out an awesome life.
This, in its essence, rubs of and bleeds into every other aspect of our lives.
There a very few in society that understand the beautiful secret behind making mistakes. These people are the hugely successful and happy.
Here are 6 essential steps to striking up a conversation with that beautiful girl.
1: Understanding Rejection
When we see a man taking the initiative to walk over and start a conversation with a pretty girl, in reality, there is nothing to lose. It’ll either go well, or she will let you know she is not interested in what you have to offer. That’s it!
The only risk here is bruising your ego.
Swallow your pride and realise that putting your self-esteem in the hands of others, based on their opinions of you, is, and will continue to strangle your happiness and success in life, if you allow it to.
Understand that whether she thinks you are the most amazing man on the planet, or nothing more that a piece of chewing-gum stuck to the sole of her shoe…it has NO BASIS IN REALITY, unless you take it on, agree with it, and allow it to take over, dictating your future decisions.
Be smart here. Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one.
With that being said, realize that by even taking the time to read this article, you are consciously working on improving your life and bettering yourself, so suck it up and give YOURSELF permission to walk over and say Hi!
The greatest lessons and growth as a man in my life to date, has come from taking risks, resulting in mistakes and rejections. I am profoundly grateful, and I still am whenever it happens. This is the secret you need to experience. Then, your relationship towards it will shift, resulting in fast and huge growth.
2 – Relax
I see this every time I leave the house, go to the bar, coaching a new student, in the grocery store…everywhere; guys taking the whole process of speaking to girls hugely serious.
You better come to terms with the fact that you are hitting on girls. This is the first step. You must see the natural beauty behind this. Not the creepy side, because creepy is only creepy, if you assume what you are doing is wrong.
Hitting on her, and showing your attraction for a woman you are attracted to, is a huge compliment and a manly thing to do. Keep it up!
The easiest way to make a woman feel comfortable with you approaching her, is to be relaxed and comfortable in what you are doing and why you are there.
This means, NOT being cocky or over compensating in yourself, but trusting and accepting the fact that nothing bad is going to happen. Accepting that ‘sure, when 2 strangers meet for the first time, things can be a little awkward’. If that happens, call it out and joke about it.
You are both human, so the quicker one of you behaves in that way, the easier it will be to have a comfortable and relaxed interaction, where you can flirt till your heart is content.
STOP taking the process of meeting girls so seriously! With your seriousness, negative pressure is created, as you place it on yourself. Then, you initiate conversation with the girl, stressed to the high heavens.
For the girl, this is similar to a time you remember being around an individual who was extremely nervous. It made you super uncomfortable I bet?
Focus on moving slowly, in a more purposeful way, and talk slower also. This will trick your brain into relaxing and maintain a confident and grounded vibe.
Breath, trust, relax!
3 – Know your intentions.
This is another thing, which once you become aware of, will help you to remain relaxed and clear headed, as you will have a decisive way about what you are doing.
I always advise men to consciously choose the intentions he wants to portray before beginning an interaction with a woman.
My intention ‘trigger’ to walk up and interrupt a complete stranger is very simple: “There is something about you I like, I want to meet you”.
I do not say this verbally, but I say it in my mind when I see a girl that sparks attraction. It makes it super easy for me to walk over and achieve that simple and straightforward intention. I can walk over and meet anyone at any time.
I am not putting some ridiculously unimaginable expectation on the interaction before I even meet this person. We may not even vibe. There is no need to invest anything at the beginning, until you feel inspired to.
Keep it simple! The more you complicate what you are about to do, the more you will overthink it and psych yourself out.
Don’t be thinking about step B, if you have not even taken step A yet. It is pointless procrastination.
Next, onto the most important point which the world puts so much emphasis on (when really it’s the very least important area)…
4 – The perfect Pick-up Line (what to say)
I could talk about the untrue nature of pick-up lines for hours, as a matter of fact, I already have, and you can find them littered everywhere through my previous articles and videos.
Today I am going to keep it simple.
STOP trying to think of the worlds greatest line, and understand that the line is NEVER what is going to get you the date, the number, or laid.
It is not the words…But the man behind the words, and the intention behind the man.
Personally, I am VERY direct in my entire life, which carries into my interactions with girls.
By being direct, I do not mean vulgarly explicit, or even stating that I find her hot, cute, stunning etc. (Most guys use these buzz words to try pretend they are direct, when really, the man behind the words is confused and terrified.)
In my mind, being direct simply means, being clear and decisive in your intentions; knowing what you want (which is always subject to change), and giving yourself full permission to go for it, in a respectful and unapologetic manner. The opposite, is you rejecting yourself!
We all deserve what we desire. So give yourself permission.
With that being said, you need not walk up to a girl and say “Hey you are so fucking sexy, I want to date you girl”. I call that ‘drunk baby trying to be direct, holding a petrified machine gun game’.
As my intentions are clear within me (something about you I like, I want to meet you), I never feel the need to explain it, as it is clearly evident in me walking over and saying, “Hi, how are you?” Of course I want to meet her. Duh!
That is it. The worlds greatest pick up line that states everything.
“Hi, how are you?”
Remember that the intentions are evident in how I look her in the eye and verbalise it.
The other 50 percent of the time, I will naturally observe something about her or the situation, and comment on that instead. Example: “You look like you are daydreaming?” Either way it’s irrelevant.
Guys assume that by going up and making a big deal out of how they just saw her from the other side of the room and simply HAD to come and talk to her because she was so cute, is supposed to force her to like him.
Sure, it is sweet, but that is about it.
Know your intentions.
Keep the words simple. You see, this is easy, no pressure!
5 – Be Curious
There is a mantra I FULLY believe and stand by 100 percent: “Seduction is 3/4s curiosity”
If you can show a genuine interest in another human being (and I mean genuine, not as a technique) then it will have profoundly powerful results on your ability to connect and make her feel special.
What do women want? Heck, what do we all want? To be made feel significant, special, that we matter, and that there is something that makes us unique as an individual.
Developing the right type of curiosity will have that intoxicating effect.
Contrary to popular belief, women want to open up. They want to drop the walls and be 100 percent vulnerable with a man. The reason many are not, is because they cannot find men they feel safe enough with to do so, as he is too weak and avoidant within his own self and personal issues.
Seduction is not one sided. You too must be open and show your vulnerable side when the time comes. This in itself depicts great strength in a man, where he does not feel constant pressure to be “the macho man” all the time.
A strong and evolved man is comfortable with every single facet of himself. The comfort you have in yourself will inspire her to feel confident in your ability to deal with whatever her feminine storm may throw at you.
Ask her questions about who she is. Do not focus on the logical facts of what she does, delve deeper. Use the logical facts as a way of exploring her emotional relationship towards herself and the things she does, deeper.
If she tells you she is a painter, don’t ask “cool, do you like it?”…of course she fucking likes it!
Instead, ask what is it about painting specifically she loves, or how does she feel when she paints. Her answer may be “it makes me feel free and alive”…to which you could delve deeper, asking “have you always felt free and alive?”…
The fact she gave free and alive as her reason…leads me to believe she has not, or has had difficulty in her life feeling free and alive.
You get it?
This type of conversation is not to be confused with counselling, or going too deep for 4 hours.
Instead, use your genuine curiosity to give her permission to open to you, share with you, and then decide if she is the type of human being you would like to see more of. THIS is a true compliment!!! “You look hot” – is not so much!
Also share some of yourself, so she too can grow more/or less fond of you.
If you like her…make it happen! Arrange to grab drinks.
On a base level, this is all in which male and female interactions are based on…
Do you both feel compelled enough to want to commit more time to one another, mentally, physically and sexually?
Go out there and take the risks.
You have nothing to lose, and a world of fun to create.
To your success,
Chris Bale
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CHAT
