You approach a group of girls and try to start up a conversation with them. Which members of the group of the group should you talk to?
In order to answer this question we have to categorize the different members of the group into different colors: pink, green, yellow, red and black. I'll now explain each one:
PINK: They are attracted to you and really want to talk to you.
You can tell that they're attracted to you through multiple body-language indicators such as laughing (especially when it's not funny), excessive smiling, high-levels of compliance (doing whatever you ask them to do), high-pitched voices and a few other things.
If you are fortunate, to be dealing with a pink quickly qualify and ask her out!! Or exploit the fact that she really likes you to help you meet other girls. The prettier the girl the more social proof you will receive for her showing you interest. However, for the purposes of our discussion we will only be focusing on the other categories:
GREEN: You've reached the hook-point!! They want to talk to you. Won't cockblock.
YELLOW: They don't want to talk to you but are polite about it. Unlikely to cockblock.
RED: They don't want to talk to you and are semi-rude about it. May potentially cockblock. Won't be compliant (to requests) if given the chance.
BLACK: They are rude: blatantly breaking social norms becoming social violators. Likely to cockblock. May bait you to violate social rules.
So here is how to quickly categorize the girls into the above mentioned categories. The main variables to focus on is their (1) body-language and (2) amount of words in response. Greens will give you positive body-language and unlimited detail responses. Yellows will give you a good amount of eye-contact and semi-detailed responses. Reds won't give you any eye-contact and their responses will be limited to only a word or two. Blacks will entirely ignore you, turn their back to you or walk-away. Even if blacks respond they'll give curt answers in attempts to end the conversation like saying "I don't know.." or "No..."
After talking to the group for only a few seconds, you will quickly identify which kind of girls you are dealing with. The first thing you want to do is quickly dismiss the potential cockblockers before the cockblockers dismiss you by a simple phrase such as "We have to go study!", "Excuse me - we are in the middle of a conversation here! or "Thank you - bye!" There are a few ways to disarm potential cockblockers such as: explicitly asking their permission to be in set (don't do this if you sense that the answer will be a 'no'), pattern interrupt, the nice guy trap (use of flattery), being the entertainer, applying social pressure, or by winning them over. A simple time constraint, in the beginning of every approach, is a good precautionary measure to help disarm any potential cockblockers.
Unless you've established preapproach value by flashing DHVs, most sets that you open up will start as yellow or red. The secret is to talk to the yellows MORE THAN the reds. This is done for a few reasons: (1) to create social proof, (2) to make the yellows jealous for your attention and (3) to lure them into a group conversation. Similarly, if there's a green in the set then you're better off talking to the green. But if you talk to the reds first then you'll create negative social proof which will turn off the yellows.
EXCEPTION: When you're dealing with a pair of two girls you cannot ignore any one of them otherwise you'll get blown out of set for a few reasons. (1) The ignored girl will feel bored and insulted and may cockblock you out of spite. (2) The girl that you are talking to will have to cut the conversation short because she doesn't want her friend to feel left out. Alternate eye-contact between members of the group in order to keep their attention focused on you.
Another important insight to realize when you're dealing with a group is that unfortunately: everyone in the group has more status than you do. Why? Because you're the new guy while everyone else has already known each other for a while. You have to start at the bottom and quickly make your way to the top. This doesn't mean that you act low-status and kiss ass. But what it does mean is that you know you're place. Don't let your confidence become your downfall by making you oblivious to the social status that you possess relatively to everyone else in the group.
- Be careful not to ignore or be rude to anyone in the group or they'll cockblock you out of spite.
- Don't ask for too much compliance because you won't get it. In layman's terms, don't say "Can I tell you guys a story?" Or "I'm going to tell you guys a story..." Instead just say the story!!!
- Ensure that no one frames you as a social violator or you'll get instantly blown out.
- Be cautious about being too bold with troll humor. If a joke doesn't go well, respond with "I like messing with you..
" so that she knows you were joking.
Until you reach the hookpoint, you should keep plowing while focusing on self-amusement, asking occasional questions to avoid running a monologue and applying social pressure to maintain her attention. Don't ever be discouraged or let your state/confidence diminish by the lack of enthusiastic response by reds or yellows: as long as you keep plowing eventually they all turn to greens (or leave).
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Reds and blacks are the most annoying and frustrating to deal with. It can be a painful experience when a girl likes you (green) but her friend is a red or a black. The most important insight to remember when you're dealing with blacks or reds, is that you have to stop their semi-rude behavior as soon as possible or you'll be soon blown out of set!! This is because their behavior continuously decreases their perception of your value. It's a form of self-sabotage.
Here are a few rude behaviors that need to be stopped:
1. The girl entirely ignores you're comments as if she never heard them in the first place.
2. The girl doesn't even look at you. (For example: she's texting the whole time).
I'm still working on tactics for dealing with Reds and Blacks but here is one of the main guidelines that I've found to be very helpful:
Shy, timid guys, who stutter every other sentence, and can't even look her in the eye are easy to ignore. If this is you, like it used to be me, take on the other extreme. Be very dominant. Be loud. Intense eye-contact. Let her know that you're not someone who is used to being ignored. You demand and expect her full attention.
CHAT
