The girls at school don't talk to me obviously since I'm repulsive or sth.
I go out of my way trying to meet people and I have some acquaintances in class - all male of course.

People find my jokes funny though when I'm participating in class though (small community college class sizes). So people may know me from that.

I'm not so negative in real life, I try to keep a positive attitude.
But online and at night my worries and fears are rampant and I freak out and get really depressed.

The closest thing to "friends" I guess I have is some PU guys but since I give up for now that goes out the window.

The girl I'm dating doesn't have many friends and is shy so we text and meetup alot. And she really does like me. So have many girls on text expressed the same thing and meeting someone you've texted alot vs cold approaching is much easier to talk to.

I'm seeing a therapist and getting voice lessons (bootcamp dude always made a big deal with my voice).

Interestingly enough I have an easier time talking to girls than guys in general but with cold-approaching guys is easier.
Other deal is I've grown out of clubs and have no interest in them at all. Women are also the cruelest there.

And I don't have an Indian accent the other guy in the training did. Honestly looks worse than me (looks 30sish yet 2 years younger) and keeps talking about his pharmacy job but he actually got girls to talk to him. FIrst time in a club too.
Honestly I find that embarrassing to myself. At least when I used to take oxycontin when going out I could get some conversations going.

Oh and my dad's useless. He got endless pussy as a teenager in ENgland and has given me no advice whatsoever. I guess he is an alpha male and was a bad boy so girls came to him apparently.

are you here for help or just to vent frustration?

Well I got dumped/cheated on for an alpha male once again. my fault for not instigating sex sooner (especially since she is pretty much a nympho and we'd been out like 10 times) until the day i finally got a hotel room and saw her phone and what she was doing while she was in the shower. so still a virgin. fuck
I'll try pickup again but this time with oxycontin. It's the only thing that makes me socially normal

I mean there's some other tinder girl I could ask out but reality is confidence issues will continue to plague me.
I'm trying the ross jeffries confidence stuff. trying cbt for social anxiety. and have wingmen waiting to sarge but really its hard to go back after such dismal results.

better to improve myself first. and start with gll approach-anxiety stuff or sth while occasionally going out on drugs to give myself confidence in positive experiences.

anyway going to a university party today hope it goes alright

Don't do that alyien. Please! I was in your situation at your age. I was negative and bitter toward women. Since then, I gradually changed my mindset.

You really have to surround yourself with good people and male friends. Like I said in my reply to your post, you have to join different groups, different activities. Some people reject you but not all.

Where are you from? Maybe there is somebody that on this forum that live near you and that can help you.

Please ask for help! Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Don't do that!