Hi guys.

First of all I want to say that i've tried using the search but it doesn't seem to work as its a big link to the main forum?

I recently moved from Holland to South Africa and have no social proof here. However there is a place near here which is a student town ( Stellenbosch) and I'm 26. I'm still an AFC but I tried to go out there alone tonight. I got in, went to the bar and opened a girl next to me. Things went pretty well actually and she introduced herself, etc.. Her girlfriends then came to say that they were leaving. Not sure if this was true or not but w/e. She seemed interested.

However.. after this I didn't really know what to do and once i stood at the bar for 5 minutes on my own i felt like i had nothing going for me anymore and kinda bailed. How can i continue practicing without any social proof?

My own answer would be to just run to the next set as soon as possible but this was hard for me.

I could use the advice. I'm really trying to step out of my comfort zone and get things going.

#1 dont be a wall flower, dont stand against the wall just sipping your drink forever alone. You have an objective and it wont fulfill it on itself. If you decide to wallflower you will be lowering your preselection because people will know you are 'forever alone'

#2 keep smiling!
If you dont smile people might think you cant even amuse yourself, how could you ever amuse them? D: Smiling makes you look like a fun person to be around with!

And you can always just randomly high five people while you are just walking around the room lol

this is everthing i can come up with SPAM ;o its 2 am in holland SPAM lol so im going to bed gnight!

I will try again although im not as comfortable as i should be yet. I will try to walk around more. Is it just man up and move inmediately from 1 set to another so you won't get the 'forever alone' ? I probably need to prepare some openings then. I mostly use a story about how it is here since i just moved here bla bla.

What you had trouble with was remaining in-state after the girl you were talking to left you. You became conscious of that fact that you were by yourself and "without social proof," but in reality, these things don't matter. You have to force yourself into a social mood and be ready to approach both women and men. You don't need to only open girls, make friends with guys who will undoubtedly introduce you to their girl-friends. Worst case scenario, you have people to go back to as a kind of surrogate social clique.

In the case you mentioned above, you should've gotten her phone number before she left. Don't hesitate to ask for it next time. You have nothing to lose.

Trying to avoid the "forever alone" syndrome is what gets you into that mode in the first place. When you're hyper cognizant of the social cues around you, you start qualifying yourself, getting depressed, and overanalyzing the scene. No one cares if you're alone. Worst case scenario, a girl asks you "where are your friends?" to which you can respond "I just moved in here" and play the mysterious new-guy in town card.

As for moving from set to set, you need to strike a balance. If you spend 5 minutes in every set, jumping from one to another, you'll come off as "that guy" in the club; the annoying one that keeps seeking social validation from every group he goes to. If you don't approach anyone, you become wall flower guy. Try and find a spot where you think you'll get a consistent flow of opportunities to approach without having to move around too much.

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My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

You had social proof by talking to the first girl, but after she left every second you spent alone reduced the "proof" considerably.

You don't need to bring a bunch of friends into the club with you for social proof, just establish your own: chat it up with everyone around you. Not in a manner that suggests you want or need their validation, rather, just assume the appearance of a guy who is simply out to have some fun and meet some cool people. If a woman saw that, she might drop her in-the-club-bitch-shield a little when you get around to talking to her.

You also don't necessarily need to drill down on the first girl you talk to, you can have a quick chat, tell her you're going to talk to some friends, and then go back to her later.

other guys have good points, but if you really really absolutely have to have social proof by showing girls that you're with your friends, this is what you can do;
talk to several groups and get comfortable enough that you can come back to talk to them later.
then you go around talk to your targets, and after a while you say you need to go back to your friends, then you just go back to previous groups that you talked to that you feel comfortable to go back to.
the target will see you with these people, she won't hear what you guys are talking about, so she'll just assume that those are your friends. you don't even have to talk for too long with them at that point, just make it look like you're checking on each other.
here you go, you have a social proof without group of people you actually know

you guys have awesome advice.

of course it depends on the situation, but another thing that, at least in my past, used to work (i never went by myself to a club, but many times i split from the crowd and started some alone-sessions) is talking to the bartender, if you don't feel like wandering around.

In your case, if a bartender is available, you may wanna tell him/her something, some small talk; what happens is that sooner than you think you'll be interrupted by someone ordering a drink, and while he/she/they order, you can definitely approach them: it's easy to just even say "that sounds definitely better than what I'm having, I should try it!" or "nice ring, looks like mine..." bla bla... you won't need any social proof, since you were already speaking to the bartender (which may even play your game as a social proof, like "he's cool, he may know the bartender..." kind of stuff).

That way, when they get drinks it's soon done: if he/she/they don't invite you over, or even better don't stay there to chat (thing that usually happens), u can say "what about i finish my chat with him (nod to the bartender), get the *** (above mentioned drink) and reach your table to have a toast?".

that is just an example of how it may work. and if you have a.a., talkign to the bartender should take it away since YOU KNOW HE/SHE'S GONNA TALK TO YOU FRIENDLY, ANYWAYS, so there's no a.a. breaking need!

other way (totally cooler)?

pick a n-set (let's say 3) and open up like "hi, I'm just new in town and I couldn't help noticing you're 3; hell did you know that statistically the best and most fun nights happen when a group is made of 4 ppl? Let's join forces here (and propose a toast)"...

Just to say, if you have "balls" to go to a bar alone and try to open to a girl sitting there, you should have balls to use as much immagination as possible, it can be totally fun.

PS: I am new to Jhb, if u wanna go out sometimes and sarge/party/have fun, I'm up to it!

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