Hey guys, I have 2 profiles I need opinions on, if you'd be so kind, I'm a little lost on what to say, how to say it so I kinda winged it. Should I post a link or just the body of text? I'm not sure what's protocol here.

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"Liars sit in chairs, you know. Truth tellers just sort of hunker down" -RF

you can post your okc username and pof profile-id

but have a look thru and read older posts too.

I just finished My OKCupid profile seach Faust23

Thanks for the replys guys,

here's my OKC: CharmCityBoy

and my pof: charmcityboy

Be brutal, be honest, I'm here to learn.

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"Liars sit in chairs, you know. Truth tellers just sort of hunker down" -RF

Ok, keep in mind I'm trying something new and haven't really been doing that great online lately, but I think I'm the only one who actually critiques profiles, so whatevs.

Faust23, your pictures are lame. The first picture has potential, you're a good looking guy with a style that works, but you have your hands in your pockets and look bored; you don't really grab attention. The second picture doesn't work at all, bad angle for you; makes your hair and chin look bad, and drinking pictures are kind of lame if you're by yourself. Also, you're wearing the same shirt. Your profile is like one of my older profiles, it's very self-oriented yet says almost nothing about you. It has a lot of humor, but it reeks of try hard. Humor doesn't translate very well over text, so you're probably alienating a lot more girls than you're drawing in. The random humor comes out really choppy and your opening is kind of hard to follow, it sounds like you're a little schizophrenic. ALSO, there's a shit ton of bragging in there and women are never impressed by bragging; it shows a need for validation. Save the bragging for other men. Phrase it like, "I'm so thankful for...." and then brag and you can get away with it. You might also mention why you're online dating when it looks like you're just there to amuse yourself right now. That all said, I had more "success" with your kind of profile than my current one, so maybe that "works" online.

Flagg, what the fuck, you both copy and paste the same superman joke, that's why it's in quotes for both of you? Anyway, your first picture is great. I think it might be too good, I think it's really easy to intimidate girls online. I dig the nighttime picture, too, it has a quality. You should probably keep the dog picture, too, she's a handsome animal, but the picture of both of you isn't very good, it really undoes the modeling of the first picture because it looks like you haven't bathed. The picture of you in the yellow shirt is fairly good, makes you look younger if that's what you're going for. Lose the one with the girls, it's validation seeking, will intimidate meeker girls, and your hair looks way thin. Your POF profile has a lot of negativity and lots of talking about what you DON'T want, which makes it sound like you don't really appreciate women. Your OKC also does this at the end. I'm not sure what you weer doing with the whole you being toxic thing, but it's confusing and not really funny. Both of your profiles are pretty well-written and have a flow that's easy to read and understand. For how much you harp on humor, you don't really employ a lot in your OKC, except that line you stole. What you want in a girl in your pof makes you look like a shallow, typical LA guy. Is hair color THAT important? You don't think Jennifer Connelly is smoking hot?

Anyway, that's a lot for both of you, mine is Minsok on both sites if you want to reciprocate. Something I'm trying to work on is eliciting an emotional reaction, which none of our profiles really do at this point, though Flagg's POF comes close if you strip out the negativity.

-over-

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31 and still figuring it out.

Making changes as I type.

Minsok: dude, thanks. It was honest, and great points, I've already made some changes based on your notes, I appreciate it.

BTW, really dug your profile. I'd steal it in a heartbeat, but I"m good with mine right now after making some changes, what comments do you get on it from HBs?

If you could take another look, I'd appreciate it after making said changes, I'm working on my POF now. I'm still trying to make my inappropriate humor shine on OKCupid and POF...

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"Liars sit in chairs, you know. Truth tellers just sort of hunker down" -RF

i saw your pof profile a few days ago but didn't have time to reply. With those pics (at least the first one) you should be onto a major win but your profile really shoots you in the foot.

my rough plan for your profile was

start with the i'm all about fun paragraph, then a paragraph that starts with moved to la, why? used to be a mechanic, living there rocks, enjoying your new career. work hard play hard ethos, then without necessarily specifying what you do exactly talk about your job in terms that communicate attractive qualities e.g creativity/people skills/management/leadership/running a business/confidence/dealing with clients etc.

then for the about her bit, have:
MUST like dogs, walking, walking dogs
MUST know what {that word I forget} means
MUST listen to anything but pop music!
MUST laugh at my jokes, or at least pretend to
Bonus points if I laugh at yours, I'm competitive with humour!

that leaves you congruent to write to girls who
like dogs or doesn't say
seem intelligent
like non-pop music or doesnt say
seems like they might be amusing.

the only problem with doesn't say is hidden information. ie they might not like dogs and haven't said it.

set your age preferences in the mail settings.

it might work to start "I hope you like fun....because I love fun..."
in an idea world they'll read that and compulsively think uh-oh and then read a bit more and realise they've misjudged you. It's that switch around that instantly makes you better than every other afc who says they like fun and then doesnt quantify it concisely.

I put in an hour or so yesterday rewriting it, so thanks. I haven't got any comments on it yet, but a weird girl said my last one (which is my POF, I don't really care about that site) was "scarily detailed", don't know if that was a compliment, figured I'd be safe then sorry.

I just looked at your OKC. Dude, your new first paragraph is so good, so passionate and driving. That's definitely an opening that hooks people. The line about cancer is hilarious, but I'd say it makes you less of a sexual prospect because it makes me think of genetics. That's probably not something you should talk about until you get intimate with someone, but you should put in more things your passionate about, interests you want a girl to share with you. Still think your last paragraph starts off shallow and bitter. You don't have to say you only want girls in a certain weight range, afterall, you're the one messaging these girls for the most part, you can just ignore the ones that aren't physically what you want. You'll want to include a full body shot of the goods sooner better than later, too.

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31 and still figuring it out.

Just did a fresh update with your notes guys!

Btw, love your line about listening to a story thru the chest. awesome line!

I just made a post, I got 7 repsonses that I need to reply to, I'd appreciate your help guys!

SHIT MAKE THAT 8! Just got another one from OKCupid!

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"Liars sit in chairs, you know. Truth tellers just sort of hunker down" -RF

awesome!

see you haven't majorly altered your profiles.
just goes to show the smallest bits of "wrongness" can radically alter your chances.