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I actually like the poetic/rap style of your profile. It stands out a bit. One thing I like to do is use words that aren't so normal to read in a profile. "I'm interested in what's interesting" - Maybe, I'm fascinated by the fascinating
"quickly bored of small talk" - I personally don't use a ton of words that make it seem like our conversations COULD get boring.
"I'm laid back, fast talking, slow thinking, disaster of a poet wrapped in a Football players body" - I speak hypnotically, think intensively, my eyes are focused on you while you're focused on my words; I'm a disaster of a poet trapped in a lumberjack's body.
(okay, so it seems foolish...but girls have a thing for the Brauny man...and you're going a bit strong on pushing the football I think)
The following section is alright, I might put in some bolds on key words so they can read it faster (ex watermelon, puppy!). Take out argue...and take out fast talking...it's not DHV to talk fast.
"I have no intention on changing those plans" - Eh...maybe makes you sound like you lack spontaneity.
I like the first part of the first date. Make up another fun part after the pigeons and get rid of I'm down for anything.
Thanks for the tips! All great points and ones I wouldn't have thought of. Question though - what does the "i'm down for anything" part signify about me?