Feelin good about this one...any pointers



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PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 10:13 pm 
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Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 12:00 am
Posts: 48
just made a new profile on POF i like it check it out and any feedback (bad or good) is much appreciated...thanks guys

couldnt figure out how to find the URL so hers the copy and paste:

I want to go to alaska and see the huge glaciers and wide open expanses. I want to see the beautiful tropical islands in the south pacific while relaxing in my hut listening to the waves. I want to travel back in time and dance with the native americans around their campfires and be called 'white like snow warm like fire' while wearing a piece of leather over my crotch...ok i made that last one up but cant deny it be fun to see...

Ive always been the guy that hates sitting around all day. The world is a amazing place and there are so many things to do out there why waste it holding down the couch. Going out on drives to random places ive never been before and finding fun adventures to go on along the way are the preferred way to occupy my time. I do party sometimes but id almost always prefer to hangout with friends at a bonfire or camping in the middle of the forest where you can look up and see all the stars in the sky and not be around all of the craziness of urban life. If someone has something that needs fixing many times i seem to be the one that they decide to call and have always enjoyed making things out of wood and other random materials.

Im not a believer in opposites attract, Im looking for a woman that enjoys many of the same things i do but also has some things (hopefully many) that i know nothing about that she can tell me about and teach me and i can do the same for her...I want to go out and do things daily with the woman in my life but at the end of the day relax and cuddle up and talk or sit in silence and just enjoy being together...Im a pretty big talker but i am also a very good listener and dont believe people have to talk all the time when theyre around each other but when you do talk you better both be having a good time...and of course a sense of humor is a must...Im in no hurry to find 'the one' I know shell come along eventually but if you like what you see drop me a message id love to hear from ya...[/url]


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 11:12 am 
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Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2009 2:47 pm
Posts: 425
Hey no link! Yeah can be a pain to get them added correctly

Anyway just copy and paste the link in but not click on URL at all We should be able to use it from there.

Must read better as you've pasted the text anyway!

It seems good text but possibly the paragraphs are too long. Break them up a bit. Possibly use bullet points. Spellcheck and proof read it. Make sure the i's are capitalised to I's etc

Here's a link to Cajun of Lovesystems profile on POF. It's in a similar vein and I think you'll find it useful. You notice he uses a - bullet point thing. Also he adds in quotes using """ and the use of *'s and UPPERCASE. All these help to spice up the text.

http://www.plentyoffish.com/member1326910.htm
http://www.plentyoffish.com/member1326910.htm


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 12:04 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 12:00 am
Posts: 48
hey thanks for the feedback man

heres my updated one...whadya guys think?

I want to go to Alaska and see the huge glaciers and wide open expanses and give eskimo kisses to the eskimo girls. I want to go to venice and cruise around on a gondola. I want to travel back in time and dance with the native Americans around their campfires and be called 'white like snow warm like fire' while wearing a piece of leather over my crotch...ok i made that last one up but cant deny it be fun to see...

Who am I:
-I hate sitting around all day doing nothing
-I like to go on random drives and see and do new things
-Im kind of goofy sometimes but think theres a time and a place for everything.
-I party...sometimes too much
-Im usually just as happy doing things with friends than partying
-Enjoys nights out on the town, having a bonfire, camping, hitting up a baseball game or whatever else we may find its just all about having a good time and enjoying the people Im with.
-Ive always enjoyed building things, fixing things and working with my hands.
-I usually talk alot but i am also a very good listener and believe if your having a conversation with someone both parties must be showing that their interested and not just saying it
-I like photography but dont do enough of it

In A Woman
-Im not a believer in opposites attract
-Im looking for a woman that enjoys many of the same things i do
-She should have some things (hopefully many) that i know nothing about and visa versa so we can always be learning from each other
-I want to go out and do things daily with you but at the end of the day relax and have a silly arguement about which one of the seven dwarfs youd be
-of course a sense of humor is a must

Im in no hurry to find 'the one' I know shell come along eventually as of now Im just going with the flow and seeing what happens but if you like what you see drop me a message id love to hear from ya...

_________________
Either let me fly or give me death-DMX

They say you are judged by the strength of your enemies-James Bond

Sorry I dont buy bitches drinks


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 10:11 am 
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Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2009 2:47 pm
Posts: 425
I think it's much better. You do need to spellcheck and proof read again. Capitalise the i's and there are few your and you're and their and they're in the text. This sounds fussy and picky but girls good opinions will decrease the more errors they see.

I would remove the last line about bitches. It may cause big doubts in girls minds. It can come across as hating ALL women.

"I like photography but dont do enough of it" This kind of jumped out at me. Last in the list and possibly it will cause girls to think - Why not? Move it to middle of the list. Last items in lists tend to stick out.

Post it as your profile text and see what happens. Remember you can always modify and update later.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:56 pm 
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Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 12:00 am
Posts: 48
thanks for the imput man...and the last three lines are just quotes i have as my signature on the pua forum

_________________
Either let me fly or give me death-DMX

They say you are judged by the strength of your enemies-James Bond

Sorry I dont buy bitches drinks


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