Hey guys,
I met this girl over the weekend. Basically she is a friend of an old mate of mine. Anyway, we talked for about half an hour just the two of us and got on really well. A few days later I decided to add her on facebook. After only a few minutes of adding her, she opens up a conversation with me on the facebook chat. We talked on there for a bit but I decided to ask her for her msn address as I thought it would be a biit more concrete to chat on there. Anyway she gives it to me and says that she doesnt normally go on msn much but she would for me as she was 'an amazing friend'.

We talked on msn for about 2 hours in the end. A few days later I opened a conversation on facebook chat with her but she said she was just about to have dinner so that didnt last long.

Yesterday though, I was on facebook and I noticed she was too. After a while she starts a conversation with me, saying something like 'duuuuuude'. I asked her to go on msn to chat to me there and she agreed to. We talked for about an hour on msn before we both went to bed. The whole time we were talking she had her status set to invisible so nobody could talk to her but me.

The thing is I like this girl quite a bit and we have loads in common. We have already got a list of things we want to do together. Like going to clubs we both like etc. My problem is this girl has a boyfriend. I don't really know how to play this. I can't tell if this girl is just being friendly or if she is actually interested in me.

My question really is then I guess how should I play this ? Should I act aloof and get her to 'miss me' ? Or should I start coming on to her like sending her a facebook poke etc ? I don't want to be put in the 'friends zone' ( if I havent been already!)

Really really appreciate any help on this guys !

Cheers,

Hey man.

You seem most motivated by her timing to msg you on face book chat or MSN wich at the same time might appear to be an indicator of interest from her side.

That shouldnt be an important factor, regardless of who starts the conversation or who has a ON OFF status on msn, the only thing you should care about in your situation is the actual content of your Conversation.

One advice I could give you that has worked for me is ( just to discard the possibility that shes put you in the dreaded friendzone already )

is to initiate the conversation in a flirty way and throw some sexual inuendos..
and be unapologeticall about this.

Most of the times we ( men ) make 1 of 2 possible mistakes. We either go too far and too fast, and the girl gets scared, anoyed, bitch shield up whatever... OR.. we go nowhere.

Remember you have to make the interaction go somewhere, even if it is online. So if you start flirty and all sexyish ( remember its all in a playful way) you should try to lead the interaction to THAT PLACE.... You want to see how much of a FRIEND she considers you and how willing she is to have different kind of relationship with you. Something more than just friends.

The objective here shouldnt be just to HANG OUT with her, but rather engage her on a relationship with you. To whatever level possible. People that are already friends or a couple HAng OUT, but people that are not too much aquainted with each other STABLISH A RELATIONSHIP FIRST.

Im trying to Say that YOu can Hang out with her in order to know her better, but Just to hang out shouldnt be your main objective and you have to make your mind clear about the Things you have to do to Stablish a relationship with her.

About the boyfriend, I wouldnt mind about the guy, in fact id rather be more relaxed about meeting him when the girl is present as it represents an oportunity for you to display possitive traits such as relaxation, unjealousy, hability to befriend your competition, to stay emotionaly un altered etc etc. Shes more likely to consider YOU a possible SExual mate ( or long therm relationship if she breaks up with the other guy before ) If she finds qualities of an ALPHA MALE IN YOU.

One thing about your Situation. You say it is YOUR PROBLEM that she has a Boyfriend.

Just to make a correction, even if youre crazy about her. It is not YOUR problem, it is HER problem. remember how we've all talked about the PUA is the ONE with higher value, higher demand...?? so it would actually be her problem having a boyfriend since shes not going to be able to date you freely.... now that between you and her BF, youre the one with higher value. You have to believe that and RELAX.

You also mention that youve got a list of the things you both want to do together. Heck there are couples that actually Do things together.... Hell!! people actually do GREAT THINGS together like having kids and building a home and all that stuff.. and marriages still fail, and relationships of years still break up...

Having a THINGS-WE-WANNA-DO is right next to NOTHING.. and should be no motivator on your search for companionship or a lay report or whatever.

( sidenote::: for the efects of NLP ( neurolinguistic programing it is actually very healthy to have a list of possitive statements about you, your world and your enviroment. how You want things to be and how you MUST BELIEVE THINGS ARE.. example... I am a very constructive person... I have so much potential for work...
I can be better everyday at gym.. I am good looking ... etc etc.. but it is only when it comes to YOUR OWN PERSON. YOURSELF and whatever happens you know you have a bigger deal of self control over the things you can do to actually improve about yourself......

now when it comes to a couple relationship, its most likely that you´d feel rather discouraged or frustrated if your list cant be followed tru because of the other persons schedule or state of mind etc etc and we know we cannot control other people) ( free will, remember? )

The real Motivator with that LIST thing is, What things are you actually Doing right now. Have you already invited her to a movie?.. to a club?.. for a cofee?.. a picnic?.. Have you kissed her?.. have you called her on the phone?...

Remember Mystery saying about martial arts where its sometimes best not to engage in a social/interaction ( a fight or combat ) where in the venusian Arts ( the game) theres no choice but to have one in order to suceed.

The purpouse of the Online spaces is for you to meet stablish contact with people that you wouldnt possibly meet for one reason or another and actually MEET those people in the Real World.

Another Piece of advice. If youve been chattin with this girl for more than 1 week. My advice is Just plain invite her out or ask her number and meet. I dont mean to have you jump all over her. No, dont reveal your hand right now. but at least let her know That YOU TOO want to meet her in a Real World Situation.
( youve even have the advantage that you already met her in persona and talked for about half an hour so.... take the next step )

Meet. MEET. MEET and do something in the realworld.

Doing Stuff together is better than just planning to do stuff....

A side note about the BF. You shoulnt worry about that. You know how sometimes Girls date stupid guys for one reason maybe looks, money, status etc etc... but it doesnt quite full fill her expectations. If you can manage to BE that person who she wants, then youre IN. And remember...

She might say or act like she likes something but it doesnt necesarily means that she wants THAT. Does she really know what she wants??..

Forget about Fbook for a while and leave all the online action online.

Id say first to tease her as i adviced you above so you know how far she might be willing to go. and then if you think youve got chances then you can start coming on to her ( most recomended to leave the FBOOK action out of the plan. and invite her out or something friendly and not too private, maybe coffee or icecream or something i dont know )

You seem like you really like the Girl and id suggest you to do other things and not think about her too much, if she cant handle dating you and her guy, its not her fault and if shes just willing to have you as her friend and nothing more then its up to you.

just relax and enjoy the ride.

I hope this helps you =)

_________________
".. I will learn all that I've forgotten, I will succeed where I'd previously failed, and even if I don't I wont stop, cuz this is not just about girls, this is about Life "

Awesome that's fantastic thanks mate.

So how would you suggest I go about flirting online with this girl ?
Also, do you think that 'poking' her on facebook is a bad idea ?

Cheers

Just as an updat to this guys...
I have royally f****d this up !

I started a converstion with 'Hey pretty girl'
and she responds with 'wtf dude' , 'don't that that bull with me' and then 'you okay dude?'

So in other words it's game over for me I think

Agree ?

Okay another update to this....

We spoke for over 2 hours on msn earlier. At one point she said "where have you been all my life?"

I'm pretty sure I'm in the friends zone now. But I think I have demonstrated a lot of value to her. She has a bf of 4 yrs which I feel bad about breaking. So I think I'm gona lay it on the line to her and say sorry but I can't just be friends with you I feel like we've got too close. See what she does from there.

What do you think guys ?

Really need advice on this as I'm pretty torn. We've chatted about some quite deep stuff and in total spoken for over 5 hours now on msn in less than 1 week. I wana make a move but the bf thing is ripping me apart and a 4 yr relationship is obviously quite a good one....

How can I find out if she likes me, without rocking the boat as such? Should I act scarce and make her come to me?

hey man
i saw your update on your situation. just wanted to say this,.

women always say they like something bbut it is not necesarily what they want.

dont always trust on what she says. im not saying to be all cautious and not trust her at all. but rather stick to your plan.

If your plan is jsut to F close her so be it, that way you can feel more freedom about establishing a parameter of comunication with her.
Believeme if a girl is a slut and you try to game her using conventional methods, tactics, openers etc etc etc... she might just plain diss you,instead if you go straight ahead with your aproach,sometimes shes more liklely to react possitively if you just hit on her you know? let her know that you want to F her...

And its kinda the same when you really like a girl and want to have a deeper relationship. You start establishing parameters and lines of comunication that help you transmit to her the fact that you actually like her.

Internet is pretty much a bad tool to demonstrate whether you have genuine interest in a person or not. since you dont have body language to your advantage and you cant see the face of the person while talking, its pretty difficult to imagine her reactions when shes writting or reading ...

Your situation is pretty simple, but doesnt do anything for you that i say it. You have to believe that its a simple situation and act it simple.

You like a girl that has a Boyfriend of a 4 yr relationship and shes sending you mixed signals about what she wants from you.

And the deal here is that your putting too mucho de tu parte ( too much from your behalf into your cyber relationship and yet shes really not clear about what she wants from you. If its just friendship then shes made her mind.

about her chat, her stuff, what she says, the kind of conversation you have.... please, man, dont take me wrong, but people talk about pretty much anything everyday in every corner of the world, and it doesnt necesarily mean that those people are actually connecting or getting more involved with each other... talking about deep stuff might just mean that shes actually being more confident about you and shes feels free to talk about anything with you, not necesarily means that you two are bonding... so be mindless about whatever topic you two chat about ( the only exception might be sex )

Think just for a moment that shes actually happy with her Bf or they have great sex or whatever stupid thing that could be enough to keep them together. Its going to keep you down all the times just to be thinking of their joy as a couple while she just keeps sending you mixed signals..

So you like her, and youve chatted, about shallow and deep stuff or whatever and at this point it is not clear if she likes you too, you need to change your strategy man. invite her over for cofee, dinner, movies, acouple of drinks, picnic, breakfast, whatver.. you have to start changing your approach over her so you can be more clear about your actual intentions. of course with out being too straightforward " i likeyou and cant live withoutyou" kind of stuff..

Maybe ask her number, talk on the phone, her home phone maybe.. something that makes her realize that you want more than friends. If shes ok with the idea ( meaning that she might be willing to cheat on her bf or just plain break up ) she will accept your invitations and your moves on her. But if shes not ok with the idea of you likeing her for something more than friends shell just start being more distant and in some ways thats better than being direct and having to go over the "i want you to understand, its not you, its me i have a Bf i dont have a heart for some one else in my life...".... or something like that.

Any ways, id suggest to change your aproach and your comunication strategy and see what else comes up before you go all direct.

_________________
".. I will learn all that I've forgotten, I will succeed where I'd previously failed, and even if I don't I wont stop, cuz this is not just about girls, this is about Life "