A little introduction...
My father is an IT freak and talked and talked about it all day every day to me. As such, I was born and raised with the internet...so it was only natural for me to do everything with it - including meeting and dating women when I needed to get this part of my life handled. For those of you who're from the Netherlands these names will sounds familiar: Hyves, Partypeeps, Sugababes, TMF ID, Chatnu.nl, Netlog, Partyflock..I had profiles on them all. I've been meeting and dating beautiful, intelligent and attractive women online for 5-6 years now..and along the way I've tried and done the most stupid and crazy things, got even MORE insane reactions and saw pretty much every friggin' dark corner of the online world (including dark alley internetcafes, scam sites and lunatic stalkers)..

And I'd like to share. Why? Just like in sports, there comes a time when a player becomes a coach because he had enough glory...and would much rather see other players achieve their own success thanks to his game. That's my fulfillment right there - helping men be the best they can be.

So ask me anything you want in this topic - messaging, profiles, comments, sites, whatever..bring it on! I'd love to help.

Hey, well ill ask the first question. What type of openings did you use? Have you used FB? If so what works best there.
On online dating sites, what should be included in the profile?
Thanks.

THE first question, well its more like multiple questions isn't it
I'll let it slide, but just this once...here we go:

My type of "openers"
Here's the thing: I don't have one single thing a say to every friggin' woman in the universe...no "universally attractive opener."

No what I do is applying a FORMAT, it's like a script where you fill in the blanks for that specific girl. Let me give you an example of a simple "hi" - the basic start of the message which is just a greeting:

With a "normal" woman, my message would begin with a heyyy, how are you?
- With a Spanish speaking woman it becomes "Holaaa, como estas?"
- With an Arabian lady, it comes "Salaam aleikum, keef halek?"
- With a girl from India it would be "Namaste, aap kaise hain?"

So whenever a girl is not 100% from the country she lives in, I'll talk to her in HER language...why?
- It shows I actually took the time to READ her profile (while everybody says "you're pretty" or "add me on blabla@blabla.com" and you can say that without reading it too)
- It's standing out from the competition because A) NO ONE talks to her in her own language (except for guys from her country who ar reading this) and B) because you are NOT from her country, but DO know the words > it'll make her curious to find out WHERE you learned the words...

Then comes the big chunk: creating the attraction, connecting with her...
And I always, 24/7 use HER hobbies, interests, likes, passions and activities to create attraction by teasing them about it. I also see if I can something that doesn't seem to match: a very young looking girl who says she's 25 for example, or a girl with dark brown hair but really light, blue eyes...and bust her balls for it.

Remember that if you would look in a woman's inbox, almost ALL the messages in there are from needy guys ("add me on blabla" or "I don't know if Im your type but if you only let me date you") or shallow guys ("you're the cutest woman in the world...while I don't even know you!"). Everyone is talking needy, boring OR shallow to her (by appreciating her for her looks and NOT her identity - it shows your interest is shallow...you didn't even take the time to read her profile!). By using HER passions, you show her you DID read it...which makes you stand out.

I don't just talk about her hobbies and stuff though, I TEASE her about it and tease her bad...it's a mix of being picky and playful teasing and I call it busting balls. Let me give you an example. It goes like this: “I looked at your profile and noticed how you…”

- Like spaghetti, but are NOT from Italy. Tell me…you’re NOT of those suit wearing, slick talking, gelled-out hairdo Godfather WANNABEES are you? What are you wanted for...tell me!

- Like horses, and I’m kinda curious because I don’t usually hang around with horseriders that much, so…is it TRUE...that horseriders get a firmer…ASS from ALL that riding in the sadle?

- Have BLUE eyes…but DARK hair, which is an ABSOLUTE freak of nature, it never happens! So that makes me wonder…tell me…you’re a DUMB BLONDE by nature aren’t you? (A)

I can hear you think: yeah, but that would take AGES to do, right? WRONG! It takes me ten seconds to see what her hobbies and so on are (I read her interests and skip through her description), type a message in one minute and BAM...neeext!

It takes a while before you're used to it; it took me 10 minutes the first time...but now? It's two minutes per woman (and thanks to the tip below it takes me 10 seconds for a type of woman I've already encountered).

And a great thing about this format is: AFTER I've talked to a horseriding girl, I'll use that same tease for the next horserider...the same one for the next pasta junkie, the same greeting for the next Spanish speaking woman...which saves you a LOT of time. Just store that stuff and use it next time: I now have a list for 60 different types of women (different looks, nationalities, hobbies, etc.)

On Facebook and what works best...
I personally have never used FB, but I've coached some guys who DO use it.

But here's the story: ALL social networking sites, including FB, have almost ALL profile areas in common. There may be an additional area here or another one there that you can focus on once you're able to achieve consistent success online...but kicking ass with 9 out of 10 areas right now will give you luxury problems like not knowing when to date what woman, trust me.

Here are the areas in order of importance:
1. Photos - she'll look at your photos FIRST, because a picture will tell her so much more then just some words..plus it tells her if you're cute or not. You can use them to let her know you: have options (photos of you & other women), are a REAL guy and not some guy who's trying to be smooth (photos of you & family or friends), etc.

2. Descriptions - the area where you can talk freely about yourself, women watch HOW you talk about closely to find out who you are: it shows them if you're confident, if you're exciting or just some boring guy, if you're attractive or...a total wussy or a needy guy, etc. From your descriptions she can tell whether or not you have standards and an exciting life she would like to join..

3. Comments - this is the area where a woman can see how OTHER people talk about you, which tells her if you're a social guy who's comfortable around women (and not some nervous introvert), whether she has competition (making her jealous and want to fight for you), if you have fun and an exciting life and so forth.

4. Interests - what you like and dislike, it's the standard yes/no kinda questions on your profile...which she'll have a look at to see if you have things in common. But there are cool things you can do with interests to create massive amounts of curiosity and attraction..

5. Groups - social networks have all kinds of groups (like the "Asian corner" and the "latino pride" or whatever), and being a member not only allows you to talk to a woman easier (by talking about a common interest - the group you two are in) and there are many other ways too: forums, blogs of someone else (or yourself), etc.

6. Friends - friends can tell a lot about a guy...how open minded he is (does the NYC guy only know New Yorkers or other people too? do you have black, latino or whatever nationality friends too?) and being open minded equals spontaneity, which women love..if you have female friends you can use that to let a woman know you have options, to create jealousy, competition...and there's lots more!

7. Media - sure you can put music or videos of Mortal Kombat, Star Wars, bloody violence and death metal bands on your profile...but the fact of the matter is: that's not what compells most women to find out more about you...but outrageous videos do, funny videos do, r&b music does..etc.

8. Design - women like a man with a sense of style, with good taste..and a profile that looks better than just plain black & white simply compells women LESS than a profile with a cool background, a nice design, etc.

And the funny thing is: the vast majority of men are only AWARE of the opportunities of number 1, 2 and 4...so my advice is...drumroll please...use ALL 8 of them when you're on a social networking site! And the top three is essential for your online success...

Describing them all in detail would take me an ebook (and I wrote one about 'em actually), but you're welcome to ask some more about one of these..

On profiles on online dating sites...
There are a gazillion advantages to using a paid dating sites over a social networking site, but that's not what you asked me. You asked what should be included in a paid dating profile, right?

Well, one of the disadvantages of paid dating sites is...they usually offer access to LESS profile areas. It's always photos, descriptions and interests (and maybe another one...but NOT all of those of social networking). What this means is...you need to kick but with your photos, descriptions and interests.

So here are some pointers for doing it the right way:
- Photos: see my other topic in the online sarging section (funny you asked me because I wanted to write a little something about it this week!)

- Interests: most people SKIP these, because they think they really can't do much with a number of yes/no questions and a "my hobbies are:" fill in box. But you CAN...and my fav way of doing this is what I call the odd one out. Remember that game you played when you were a kid where you were given three things, and you had to say which one didn't belong in the line?

Same thing...but now you do a couple of REGULAR, not per se attraction creating things and then an outrageous one like this:

Countries: Italy - Spain - The Moon - United Kingdom
Hobbies: playing the guitar - traveling - posing for the Playgirl
Food: pasta - Kentucky Fried Chicken - Japanese poisonous fish - Chinese - Indian - Crocodile
Music: R&B - Waking up to some crazy, wild, 300 beats per minute drum & bass that scares the SHIT out of you - Hiphop

You see? It grabs your attention, it's funny (the drum & bass part), it's daring and outrageous (posing for the playgirl), it's exotic and unique (eating crocodile etc.)...all of a sudden you have REALLY out of the ordinary interests that are sure to cause some questions coming your way. I for example had more then one occassion where I was asked "did you really eat crocodile?" or "do you REALLY use drum&bass as your alarmclock in the morning?" it's fun.

- Descriptions: I've written an article on how NOT to do it for the Online Game part of my blog with some hints on how to create maximum amounts of attraction with your descriptions.

Does that help? Neeeext!

Hey man, thanks a lot for taking the time for writing the response! Ill be sure to put it into practice and see the results!

No problem be sure to let me know how things went my friend.
And you can alwasy ask another question here.

Does anyone else have a question? Keep 'em coming guys!

Thanks for the help with online gaming mate! I have a fast question for you. How do you make rapport with the girl online. I mean, it's banal to ask her, what do you do, or what are your hobbies, maybe the question is how to make her talk?

You mean how to make a girl talk and open up to you online?

The easiest way to do it is to continue what whatever topic you started the conversation with . Remember the girl out of my first answer who loved spaghetti and who I teased to death about it and accused of being a wannabe mobster?

What's a very predictable response to an accusation? A defense: "nooo I'm not like that hahaha" or "that so untrue! you're so mean"..those kinds of answers. And an easy way to continue that most common reply is: "all I hear is a…GUILTY conscience talking you LIAR you! just admit it…you're a wannabe mobster" which will amplify the attraction even more. But since you're out to connect with her, I never stop at just teasing even more in my second message.

No.

I'll switch it up and either continue the topic in a way that builds a connection, in her case "but seriously now, it's obvious you're into Italy..so have you ever been there? Been to sayyy…SICILY!? (A)" you see what I'm doing there? I'm connecting, building comfort, but the BIGGEST mistake 99% of the men out there make is that THEY think connecting equals boring and they'll BORE her out of her friggin' mind (and then accuse guys like me of how connecting doesn't work hehe).

Meanwhile boredom is what KILLS attraction, so what do I always do when I connect? I have FUN with it: include a little tease (everybody knows La Cosa Nostra is from Sicily thanks to the movies, so she'll understand my indirect stab at her) or I give her an outrageous invitation to talk (example: "you know, to be honest? Not only do I think you LOVE spaghetti, I think you're ADDICTED to it..and that you've won spaghetti eating contests all across Little Italy, New York! So do I even wanna know if you like other italian food too?"). In both cases, you've given her a chance to talk more about herself in a fun way, that keeps things interesting for her.

You can easily do this with other passions, hobbies, likes, activitities and so on that she mentions on her profile: why even ask? Say she's into tae bo too next to the fact that she loves pasta, then I'll continue the conversation with "so I was looking around on your profile again and saw you're into tae bo, getting into shape by punching and kicking your way through the day. So be honest here: how many exes did you secretly beat the crap out of and should I sleep with one eye open when I know you perosnally " Then continue about tae bo (how does doing it make her feel, what's important to her about getting into shape, at what level of Tae Bo does he work out, etc.).

Usually though, it only takes one (1) topic to get her contact info if you connect with her in a fun way..so before you send her a first message, think about WHICH one of her interests is easiest to create attraction with for a longer period of time. Tae bo for example, is much easier to talk about in a way that teases her and that's fun than say, Taiwanese food..so do some strategical thinking before messaging a woman.

Question clues
Let's be realistic here: about half the time, a female profile DOESN'T have that much info on it, or crappy interests you can hardly do something with (don't worry, your creative skills will grow over time). So it's NEVER a bad idea to have some questions in your arsenal that you can ALWAYS use:

1. Her weekend: when it's Monday-Wednesday, I always ask her if she DID anything fun during the weekend..and when it's Thursday-Sunday that I'm messaging her, I always ask if she IS GOING TO DO anything fun during the weekend. Again, in a fun way: "so are you doing any fun this weekend? Or are you gonna play the lazy couch potato with nooo life again ".

I'm sure you can think of a number of common reactions: "I'm not doing anything" for example ("ohh you're one of those undecisive types aren't ya? So tell me…how many times did you change studies (or jobs, depending on the girl) the past two years?" and anything above 1 means major ball busting).

2. When you don't know how to create attraction with teasing, being playful and/or challenging with a topic right away..don't worry about it.
Because you can give yourself a pass: it's like passing the ball to the soccer player in front of an empty goal (her) and you're waiting for her to kick it in (give you more info). The moment you know more info, is when you can use more "against her" with playful teasing..but here's the story: most men ask SHALLOW questions and not DEEP questions.

Shallow questions are yes/no questions or questions where one or a few words will do: where do you live? What do you do? What are your hobbies? While deep questions are the how, the why, the importance and the feelings behind it:

- So you really like snowboarding huh? Well, how does it make you feel when you're sliding down that snowy, white hills at high speeds, evading Christmas-like trees left and right?

- So you want to apply for the job in the healthcare industry? What's important to you about that?

And the best one if she already told you something, ANYTHING: the follow up. So you're gonna shake that booty Friday night huh? But where are you gonna play the dancing queen, tell me! But seriously, you're a real tae bo fanatic, so at what skill level do you work out? Tell me!

Let's do a recap: by finding a good topic YOU can easily continue and continuing it, you can make it pretty simple to keep the conversation going in a fun, attraction building way that gets you her contact info FAST.

And if you can't do that, you can always resort to asking about her weekend and going from there with follow ups and teasing, or you could ask some deep questions that invite her to tell a LOT about herself. And the more information you have about her, the easier it is to tease, challenge, and more...

I think I made my point so does that help?

Any other questions? Feel free to psot 'em here...come on! Don't be shy now

Any questions?

OK...
Now you really seem like you have invested in more than just the little dynamics that make this work.
Am actually looking for a bit of a mentor reguarding this area of the game, but as i should be i am picky.
I have a big preferance for older women me being 19 them being 27 - 35.
I would like to know if there are any specifics or any type of game which would idffer in this case.
And if all goes well i might be harrasing you alot more .
Thanks in advance.
Reaction

Interesting question Reactionz..although age is a much broader limitation than just Online Game, but here are my thoughts:

Age...is RELATIVE, and an overlooked limiting belief in that people tend to think way too strict about what age groups they should date, and which ones they shouldn't. Here are some pointers you should keep in mind:

- Attraction isn't a choice, it's a feeling based on EMOTIONS and it can be created by character traits and actions that work across the board: qualities that are UNIVERSALLY attractive. They work on all women, including older ones.

- CAUTION: if you're around 10 years younger, you should pay a lot of attention to knowing when to STOP being playful, STOP teasing and STOP joking. Why? Because normally speaking, if you play around, tease and joke too much..you're the clown, but with older women? It's much more exaggarated because the minute you overdo it? You're IMMATURE and confirming their assumptions about younger men. So be more picky, mysterious and selective around an older women and most of all: qualities, qualities. Dominance, having a purpose, independence, those kinds of things..also online.

- The big plus: most people tend to get more and more regrets as they get older..their beauty is fading, they think about the things they COULD have done, SHOULD have done..and they want to feel YOUNG again. A woman's mind has grown dull because of all the shattered dreams and boring men..and she wants to feel PASSION again, to rejuvenate herself with adventure and romance. So: be highly sexual, and adventurous.

As for older women & Online Game
Use their hobbies, passions and interests to open them in a playful, teasing way..but switch to connecting in your 2nd message ABOUT those same interests and passions. 2 ways to do it:

1. Oh you skate huh? Well, how does it make you feel when you're...skating along the boulevard at the beach with the sun gently stinging your skin with it's warmth and the wind blowing through your hair..

2. You've always wanted to travel to China? What's important to you about that?..and follow up on these underlined questions that ask her about her EMOTIONS. Most men think they won't build attraction when youre connecting like this..WRONG..you jsut have to make sure you're not talking logical, boring things but EMOTIONS (what's important to you about, how odes it make you feel..etc.)

And the trick is: to increase attraction with older women especially, you need to USE that information they give you to your advantage. Remember that there's no such thing as small talk, or "fluff:" everything she says you CAN and WILL use against her to tease, challenge, be selective or be sexual about..

And guess what's so great about older women? The more experience they have, the more they have to tell, which means the more information you can GET! Most people answer questions out of politeness (what did you do today? > ohh nothing much, you?), but they only answer with the real story if you show interest (what did you do today? anything fun? tell me more! > well I went there, and there and saw that and that guy, etc.).

Do that and you can connect a little, tease some more, connect again..and ask for that contact info. What I found was that the more information you get, the better you could tease and challenge a woman (and be selective about what she told you)..BUT the connection also grows stronger. If she tells me she went to Italy on vacation on Day 1, I give her a nickname that fits the profile (wannabe mobster mom), if she tells about shopping on Day 2, then it's shopaholic, etc. Because these nicknames create a bond: everytime I call her a wannabe mobster mom, only her and me will know it's something that has to do with that Italy vacation..you see?

But the things you need to emphasize with older women, are the stereotypes that exist around being younger: dependent on parents, not having a purpose, being immature.

So COUNTER those: display independence and BE indepedent..live on your own, manage your own money, have goals in your life, and PREVENT becoming a clown or comedian by all means.

Hope that helps

Neeeext!

I just started online sarging with the poking method for girls in my area and that was pretty straightforward to get contact info. I'm trying to build more comfort in the messages before I get the contact info. How's this?

Me
Hey you know its not safe to add strangers to your friends list! I guess your parents never taught you that!

Her
Ha ha ha. We had mutual friends... : )


Me
What if I'm a compulsive friend-adder... and don't really know them!?
Beauty is soo common on this site, but are you as interesting as you look?

Her
Hahaha. Too funny! Then I'd delete you : ) but I see some familiar faces in your photos so I think we're ok..... for now ; )

I am pretty interesting... how interesting do I look? Ha ha

Me
Too bad I'm not into women that give boring answers! : P

Now, are you doing anything fun this weekend or are you gonna play the lazy couch potato with no life again! : )

Me.. I'm in Bend. My ex and a couple sorority sisters/cousins/bigs/littles/twins came into town and picked me the other day for our friends 22 down there! Most of them don't board, just get smashed go 'tubbin, so I said line the shots up before I take off! Sweet rum in the AM was never so good! It wasn't until I took out a skier and laughed my ass off about it that I wondered if I was pushing my luck today!

I gotta go; I can hear the hot tub callin my name!
RzSup

Her
Dear RzSup,

Boring questions get boring responses : )

Your weekend sounds like a blast- I love Bend! More so Sunriver, we have a house there... But Bend works!

As for my weekend, I'm actually out and about getting my bindings mounted on my new board right now. Ironic that you were boarding today! I am jealous.

Tonight I'm hanging out with my momma.. She has to supervise an event at her HS and bribed me to go along with drinks afterward... Should be entertaining!

And about these shots of "sweet rum"... Are we talking like Malibu? Parrot Bay? Happy hour last night had me feeling not so swell today but the thought of malibu shots... Well, that's gross and is making me even more naseous : )

-HB

Her
PS- lazy couch potato with no life...? I don't recall the last time that happened!

Where to I go from here? Move into the I-Like game or something?

Easy..dude, she's giving you ALL kinds of personal and private details about herself: where she lives, that she loves boarding, she's asking YOU all kinds of follow-up questions (what kind of sweet rum shots), she's responding to your teases..hell she even told you stuff about her MOTHER.

It means she's INTERESTED in talking to you more, so it's time to close the deal my friend.

How? A shift in my way of thinking has helped me tremendously with meeting and dating women, and I'd like to share it with you: there is NO such thing as small talk, "fluff talk" or whatever you'd like to call it..because every single friggin' thing a woman tells you is a piece of INFORMATION. Information you can use to tease her with, challenge her, be picky about, follow up on and connect with to build comfort, and even creating your own world with her. With that I mean creating nicknames, situations and comments only you two can understand. Just a small example: if she likes both boarding and parrot bay..I'd tease her with being an alcoholic "parrot boarder"..and every time she mentions drinking, being drunken or boarding..I bring up the parrot boarder again.

So how can you use the information she gave you in this situation to close the deal?

"Just wait a damn minute..wait. Don't try to talk over the fact that you're bribeable with drinks missy
And from the looks of it..you're quite the expert of liquor labels, now..what does that tell me about YOU? (A)

But it's okay though you naughty girl you, because I've never been to Sunriver before and would like for you
To play my touguide, in return for..you guessed it..some good old booze. How's that for a bribe?

I have to go now, but I'd like to continue having this fun conversation at a later time..
So give me your number and I'll get back to you tomorrow when I'm done…drinking!
Just kiddin, I'm not like YOU "

You see what I'm doing here? In short..you gave her a very FUN invitation to give you her contact info and you created urgency by saying you need to go
(which lets her know that you won't be talking to her forever only to become penpals). From my experience, you not only have a VERY good chance to get her info this way, but also to have laid the ground work for the first date! It's thinking ahead basically

So have fun with this one

Good looking out bro. Thanks for the tip.