First let me explain that I am 41 separated and looking for a woman that is from a handful of years younger to a year or 2 older. I have been married and split with my wife a couple of times now we are done for good. I met my wife and a couple of previous gf on icq years ago and it wasn't that hard.

I found now that okc and pof are a lot different. I have had 2 dates wit women that were supposed to be high matches from OKC. The first one we met online had some messages here and there. We talked on the phone. Set up a coffee date.

At first we were both a bit nervous but we had things in common and discussed those. Hung out for a couple of hours. She was flirting, playing with her hair, leaning in close etc. I mentioned meeting her again and she didn't say anything. At the end of the date she mentioned meeting again and inviting me to her place next time to teach her how to play guitar.

I texted her when I got home kept it a simple thanks. She got back and said she had a lot of fun sand commented about the time going so fast. I waited and saw she was checking my profile online the next day, again. Had a message or 2 a couple of days later. Than I asked her for another date a day or 2 later. She told me that she really liked me but didn't feel any sparks.


My most recent okc experience from the last couple of weeks. Met a woman online she was beautiful. We bot have kids and were highly matched. At first I sent her a message like hi I noticed we are highly matched on here and thought I would say high.

She responded later that night and I was offline. She replied again the next day a little incensed and said "what we are a high match and no reply?"

I got back and told her I am only on here from time to time. I gave her my phone and wanted to chat but she was more comfortable with texting. We did constantly she talked to me for days. We were clicking. We met last Friday briefly where she works by herself. It was a 5 min meeting, I gave her home mad choclates that were given to me. She was really nervous and I was a bit nervous also. I texted her when I got back. She apologized that she could only meet for so long. We texted a bit that day. She went to her evening job. After work talked to her friend "girl talk". She got back lat and apologized for it and texted good night. She still seemed to be right into me.

We texted a little over the weekend. After that I asked her out again Monday night. No reply but a good morning text Tuesday morning. Our texting slowed down a lot all week. Havn't heard from her since yesterday.

What have I been doing wrong? What can I do better?

Thanks

My advice, stop texting so much. I go from online->text->date. Quickly. During texting I almost immediately bring up meeting up, sometimes as early as meeting the same day. A routine I like to go with is I have a work party and I'm looking for a reason not to go to it. Usually beforehand I ask them what their plans are for the night, if it looks they have nothing going on, bam. Never never never meet the person and don't at least k-close her.

Your meetup was a bad idea to begin with, destined to fail. We're adults, adults go for drinks on a first date. A 5 minute meet and greet before/after/during work. Brutal.

Online the goal is to get her number ASAP, once that is achieved the goal is to get a date ASAP (whether be phoning or texting, I'm a texter because I have a shit phone voice), dating is the same as any other PUA, escalate escalate escalate. Verbally, physically, whatever, make that kiss happen early & often. Get over nervousness. My god I had some shit dates I was nervous for. Practice makes perfect, it's any other PUA stuff man, you are the reward not her. It sounds silly, just before your date take a few big breaths, think about not being nervous, you have to as a man be in charge. Nobody has a good nervous time. She'll be nervous if you are. That's why drinks are great, calms the nerves.

I think that's all. Move quickly and swiftly. Never send a boring message, it's got to be interesting or funny, or compelling or something. If your messages look like "hows your day today?" shit man, who is going to want to respond to that? That's why moving fast is key, but if you line up a date a week from today, stop fucking texting, eventually you'll run out of things to say and you'll be forcing a conversation with someone you might not even like. Set up a date, text her maybe the day of the date say "I'm really looking forward to meeting you" or something like that, just make sure she's not flaking. Unless she texts you, but there's lots of good texting guides out there. The goal of my "online" game is to get it offline ASAP. After that it's any other PUA rules.

I went ahead and fixed that for you. But yeah, five minutes is insane. It's like trying to defuse a bomb.

Also, if you need alcohol to sooth your nerves, you're using it as a crutch. How do get over the nervousness of cold approaches if you don't have a hip flask handy?

I think understanding why we get nervous is important. In caveman times, a clan had a very small handful of available females to mate with. If you where rejected by one the chances went way down of starting a family of your own. Contrary to popular belief, they weren't clubbed and dragged back to the cave. Having a family meant more people to hunt, gather, and share resources. Without that, a caveman would die sooner. Our fear of rejection stems from that.

If all you get is 5 minutes, make it the best fucking 5 minutes of her week!

NIB71, don't get discouraged. I am in the same age range as you and will give you a couple of takeaways from what I read above.

First off, don't worry about the "match %" they provide. I say this because when you met your wife and past girlfriends did a little compatability % sign pop up over their heads? No! So just go with the ones you are attracted to physically because afterall most guys are 90% visual.

Second, unless your goal is to make new friends, then don't make friends. She needs to sense that you see her in a sexual way. Flirt, tease, banter, and for gods sake throw in some KINO. By the end of the date she should feel like she has been on a very exciting emotional rollercoaster ride.

Third, girls in our age range are typically more secure and know what they like (hint: It's confidence). Don't be afraid to disagree with her, not to the point of arguing, but don't like everything she likes. Basically have your own opinion about stuff! And take charge of planning the evening with a primary and secondary plan of action. If all goes well at spot one (Martini/Wine bar) then move the venue to spot two (Small bar with Jazz Band) etc.

I will follow this thread for a bit.

Peace...

_________________
Crypto...
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All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

Thanks guys. I appreciate the help man! I am embarrassed to say I am not sure what KINO is, I keep coming across the term on here. I will look it up. Since posting I got another number and didn't text much. Had 1 phone convo. A couple of texts, she was answering immediately, she seemed excited.

I didn't see the last 2 posts until today. I picked coffee, the problem with drinking on some of these dates is they have been in neighboring towns that are hard to bus to. We have extremely strict alcohol laws here even if you don't blow over the limit you can blow a warning and it doesn't take very much. If that happens your car can be impounded immediately and huge fines.

Back to the date I said coffee she said glow in the dark mini golf. That's what we did. I was making conversation and being outgoing but she was hesitant. It was over a while later. Done. Not much luck here.

Good point about the match %. Any cheap books or guides you recommend? I just bought "the Art of Seduction" Also some online dating book that wasn't much help.

Dude, I would suggest reading "The Game" by Neil Strauss. You already have everything you need inside of you, you just may be a little unsure of yourself in the dating world again (I know I am/was). The Game is a good read and it will make you say "No freaking way that will work", then you go and try it at the local restaraunt or grocery and BAM it hits you "He may be on to something here!" Definitely eye openeing, but at the very least it is a great read and will keep you entertained!

KINO = Kinesthetic approach, meaning physical touch with the intention of getting to know someone better.

It is an (unspoken) language, it is designed to help a girl become comfortable with your physical presence and you touching her. It is like a tiered approach to helping her become comfortable with being close/body contact (i.e. close proximity, touching her arm while talking to her, making eye contact while talking to her, touching the small of her back as yall walk to a table for drinks, letting your knee touch her leg while sitting beside her, etc...)

When I meet new girls through friends and stuff, and they stick out their hand to shake it, I look at them all crazy and say "I'm a hugger" and just go in for a hug! But I am bold...It does work wonders tho!


Peace...

_________________
Crypto...
______________________________________
All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

I have another update. First of all I found "The Game" today. I started on it. So far 1 word description fascinating. Second Some work I put in 3 years ago with a chick that I really connected with a few years ago came back online. (the last time I split up with ex)

We chatted for a long time back then but with my situation at the time I was way too messed up to meet her and she helped me through a hell of a time. She had been in a similar relationship.

Now She is in a relationship has showed me a lot of interest since coming back on briefly so far. She has told me she is in a relationship with a guy who is always traveling. First she told me an excuse why she is back online - My sister is interested in some guy on here etc. Over a couple of messages she reveals to me that she isn't sure she can sty committed to this guy.

I usually wouldn't go for a situation like this. In all honesty it goes against my values. I really did like her and wanted to fuck her for years. She isn't married to this guy, no kids to him and she is going to f someone.

I can reel them in online okay I could still improve that a lot but in person I suck. I am going to keep reading and if anyone has anymore tips on this I would be grateful!

It looks like I am going to be meeting up with her this weekend. I have almost finished "The Game". My head is going through information overload. Awesome book though!

After reading the advice here and the book and looking back on recent experiences. I guess what's happening is I am building myself up online in the mind of these women. When they meet me my game sucks in person and they are underwhelmed.

Going to try to apply some of this this weekend. Hoping for success!

Don't overdo it this weekend, you are jumping right into the deep end which is good, but don't let yourself have too many expectations. Do somehting fun and exciting for the meeting not sure what your plans are but have a primary and secondary place to go. Since you have spoken to her before, I would suggest you walk right up to her and give her a hug as soon as you see her. Step back, tell her she smells great and then walk her over to the bar/table, etc...Most of all, Relax!


You've got this brother!

Peace...

_________________
Crypto...
______________________________________
All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

This date went better than some of the others but still wasnt good. She was beautiful and about my age. First we met for a fast Dinner we went to a play I was in her city so she made the plans. She is a stage actress. When we first met she got up from the table and hugged me. We talked and it was really nice and pleasant she told me I had really piercing eyes. A little aftter that I told her how beautiful she was, she seemed to enjoy the compliment.

We eat, then go to the play. Couldn't talk during the play but sat beside each other with some contact. I am not very good at escelating and missed some opportunities. Although during dinner I could see she was attracted to me. During the play there was an actor I recognized from a movie I love. I met him after. The highlight of my night.

After the play we go to a store her friend owns and he is having an event. She hangs out with her geeky guy friends and is hugging them and being really friendly. We got beer, I take off and check out stuff around the store and he had a lot of stuff I was interested in! I was having fun without her. She finally comes over and talks to me and we chat and its friendly and warm and she starts talking to the ggeeky guy friends again. I take off and check out stuff again. We leave, I drive her home. On this date I was supposed to give her a guitar lesson. I know she saved it for the end to have an excuse to invite me in. I ask if she feels like the lesson. She says she is too tired, we kiss goodnight but there was no feeling at all I stop for a second and go in again, still no feeling.

That was the end. I have to get better at KINO. I was able to speak with passion and move very well my posture was good and body language open. Told stories that caught her interest and joked around.

A quick update. I got a very nice and warm text from her today! I thank you all and Crypto thanks for leading me to the book man! I was a much more relaxed version of myself for this date. It looks like I have a great shot at a second date.

Great news on the Day 2...Remeber to have other options and a life away from "any" girl you are talking to. You need to get some personal excitement in your life and not get too attached/available to any girl.

Girls fall in love while missing you, give her the gift of missing you some!

_________________
Crypto...
______________________________________
All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood