I'm far from being an expert on this, but I think a bit of humor would help. On the whole it conveys who you are well and your lifestyle does come shining through. If you can make the girl laugh once or twice I think this would be really good.
Also, I know you didn't ask, but as a side note on profiles. I think you can use
http://www.rankmyphotos.com to put up some photos of yourself and deciding what's best to put on your profile. As great as your profile is, photo IS the first thing women see. Just my two cents...