This is a weird situation for myself, as I have never done anything like it. I refuse to date girls outside of my locale, I am talking about a half-hour's drive from my house because they NEVER work out in the end.

From my high school girlfriend who I left when I went to college that didn't work out. To a college sweetheart who lived 1,000 miles away when we became a couple (and broke up the day she moved to my city), to the random flings with girls who have lived a half-day's drive away that happened for one reason or another (I have never LOOKED specifically for any kind of LDR, they were all just "flukes").

However, with that said…

I met someone (online) about a month ago and we are both in a unique situation. She is on some kind of sabbatical studying for her boards to get her PHD and become a doctor, and I have a unique situation at work which allows BOTH OF US to… It was a "fluke" that we even started talking to each other in the first place.

Write REALLY FUCKING LONG emails to each other almost EVERY DAY. When either of us are busy we go more than a few days without communication, and usually skip the weekends. There is no weird "what took you so long to reply?" kind of bullshit on either side though. We both know that the other has a busy life.

It was weird, we sent a couple of short ones back and fourth, playful and flirty and the more we get to know about each other, the longer and longer, and longer the emails get between us. I told her the other day "I haven't had a 'pen pal' since the 3rd grade!!!"

They are getting VERY long. She is away from town for the summer and plans to be back in 2 or 3 months. The only reason she came up on my search was because she never changed her location. Had she not broken up with someone over the winter or had met an "interesting guy" before she left for "vacation" she would have probably stayed in town.

We keep joking around that when / if we ever meet in person we won't like each other, but there seems to be quite an attraction built up so far. I've told her some pretty personal shit about myself that I would think would drive someone away (controversial opinions, beliefs etc that I usually do not share with a girl).

She not only responds favorably, but she seems to LIKE the way I think even when I open up.

Anyway this whole thing is weird to me. She has sent me enough photos to know she is a HB9 — she is fucking HOT HOT HOT. She is also a mountain bike and adventure racer, so she is in shape.

ANYWAY — the length of these emails we send has gotten quite ridiculous, and I know I am not going to "scare off" this one with my big mouth by this point because HERS is just as big as MINE it seems.

The thing is, should I back the fuck off on these long emails somehow or just turn it purely sexual?

How do you transition from flirty fun emails to getting into these long "stories about our lives" emails, which are also flirty and fun but LONG…

I keep telling her if we don't stop this shit we will have nothing to talk about when we actually meet (which I can already see is totally NOT going to happen)…

But as they say with online game, the GAME doesn't start until you MEET someone because all that online shit doesn't mean a god damn thing if you are not physically attracted to someone (or vice versa).

So I know that much, but could all these long winded emails back and fourth ruin my game before I even have a chance to play it when and if we meet in person?

I have no expectations here, I am indifferent as to the outcome of this.

However, out of ALL the girls I have met in a very long time, she has caught my interest quite a bit. She seems to be quite the catch in terms of what I AM looking for.

She seems to appreciate that I am different from all the other guys too.

I've never engaged in this kind of a opening match before the game ever begins so I am interested in people's thoughts.

HELL — I wonder if there is anything I could say to this one that would prompt her to come back to town a little earlier than expected!

Like I said. This one is not giving me a case of the "one-itis" or anything even close. She is just VERY VERY interesting, and VERY HOT.

BUT, who knows what will happen in the few months before we could ever meet in person. I already have one regular I've started going out with once or twice a week now and another girl I went out with last week wants to meet again, and this time it is going to be for an overnighter at her place, so like I said — i'm not "saving myself" for any girl!

But if I put all the girls I am seeing right now on a list, the "email buddy" is at the top of who interests me the most.

Just make sure you do not get yourself in the 'friend zone',..

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We are here for a Good time, Not a long time.
Chick Count - 190

So basically you typed all of that to say:

I Like girl, girl likes me.

We have a lot in common.

I want to get with her, and she wants the same.

How do I stop with the long ass emails?

Ok...You have set precedence by allowing yourself to send long ass emails. This is a bad thing because if you stop now you will be sending a negative signal. If you don't stop you guys can be best friends and watch chick flicks together.

Keep a sexual frame so that she knows you are not there to be her BFF. Make her laugh, tease her, Neg her sometimes. I would really suggest getting Text/Phone convo's every now and then...She needs to have her emotions tied to your voice and your wit. One thing that many of my female friends tell me is they remember touch and smell long after they leave the presence of a guy. If touch and smell are powerful, then they will think about them using those points of reference. You don't have that option, so give her your voice and wit to think about. You're in a tricky situation here...Good luck!

Peace...

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Crypto...
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All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

Yeah, pretty much sums that up! I type extremely fast which means if I am not keeping myself in check I can get carried away. I can't remember who sent the first email that was long, but they just kept getting gradually longer as we have been communicating over a month or so by now.

But yeah, I am not interested in a BFF situation with her. I do go sexual every email at some point and neg her etc. I am just that way naturally so it is not something I have to consciously remember to do.

So as an update — she sends me an email last week basically saying if I am as spontaneous as I claim, that I should meet her somewhere halfway and we can hang out etc. So, being that would be more than a half-day drive I had to say back to her "Well, I've never driven 6hrs to go on a DATE before!" and shot her down because I already had plans for the weekend (involving some pussy, so I was covered LMFAO but failed to mention that part of course)...

BUT — I used the opportunity to make a compromise offer — and since we are both mountain bikers, I found a national forest halfway between that otherwise, neither of us would ever visit. She wants to find a weekend now to meet and as long as there is no "friend zone" drama — that should be one hell of a weekend!

I also said "I'm not driving halfway across the country to meet a girl who's phone number I don't even have yet. For all I know you could have a man's voice!"

So we exchanged digits — not that we shouldn't have already but since this is just some girl who will not be back in my neck of the woods until the end of this summer when school starts back up, I really am in no hurry to escalate things.

No need to be getting into 4 hour long phone calls (which I could see happening with this one) that far in advance.

She sent me a really long email this weekend, and I replied with another long one today. We have plenty to talk about so it does not feel un-natural to converse with her in such a way. We have very good rapport in that respect.

One good thing so far is that she seems to like the fact that I am not all needy like most of the guys she has dated. She has a very good guy friend who she is living with over the summer who she races with etc. (think figure skating partners) but is just friends with (said she never slept with him anyway, and frankly I don't care if she has).

She said that most guys get really pissed about her friendship with him, but I just told her about a good friend of mine who is a girl who I HAVE slept with on occasion, but won't do again (for real) — and that definitely made me come across as having enough going on in life that I don't need to "keep tabs" on some girl I am dating. I do go camping still with this girl friend of mine, but we never screw around anymore. Things got too weird for us when we had so we quit it.

I have nothing invested other than some lengthy emails in my early morning hours at a job I can't stand — I keep making fun of her about how I am getting PAID for my part of the book we are co-authoring and that she needs a better agent to represent her since she is doing her part for free.

I have nothing on the outcome either. I truly don't care how it works out — but it is fun having met someone in such an odd manner who does seem to have the potential to really ring my bell should things take off after she moves back up here and I don't somehow end up getting sacked in the friend zone!

Ridiculously long explanation of that situation for sure.

So now, a couple months later I am in some sort of LDR relationship with this one. We went on a crazy vacation where we actually met each other in person and immediately hit it off like crazy. It was a pretty intense trip that I really don't want to go into the details about – but I will say we met halfway between each other and picked a spot / activities we would have enjoyed doing regardless of whether we liked each other or not.

Well we liked each other — A LOT.

I am keeping my cool with this one and since I've last posted I have gained a couple of FBs from home that keep me "occupied" — but call it a severe case of "one-itus" but this girl has pretty much "ruined me" LMFAO in that respect. She has ended up hands down being the coolest chick I've ever met in my life. She is even flying up this week to visit me so I don't think a girl would go to all that trouble if she wasn't feeling SOMETHING in return like that.

My way of dealing with the whole distance thing is to make sure I have plenty of other options to keep myself "entertained" while I ponder what is going to happen with the one I am really into. These 2 FBs I've been seeing are pretty cool in and of themselves — all 3 of these girls are WAY BETTER than the previous relationship I was in. All of them are significant upgrades.

It has been a VERY long time since I met a girl who flipped my lid like this one has though — but there is a 50/50 (or who knows) chance that we could ever have a chance to have a NON long distance relationship anyway.

She is definitely really into me, but just like me — doesn't want to really make any future plans or commit to anything because of our uncertain futures and whether or not we will ever be living close enough to each other to go on a date without a plane trip or all day drive.

Our conversations have become more "normal" — we tapered off the whole multi-page daily email routine and just talk here and there on the phone and text messages mostly. We are both naturally talkative and every time we are on the phone with each other 4 hours or more goes by without either one of us realizing it. The time we spent together in person we were up until the sunrise every day talking and otherwise "enjoying each other's company." It was one of the most intense weeks I've EVER had. TOTALLY new experience in my life.

No regrets, just some anxiety internally because it seems like every time I get hung up on a girl I am REALLY into — things tend to be all fucked up. I swore I would never do another LDR thing unless it was just purely for sexual purposes and out of convenience (not making special plans just to see each other etc).

Yet here I am doing the same damn thing.

Any advice for when you have multiple regular FBs and you are getting plenty of ass — yet even when you are with one of the other 2 girls you still can't get the one you REALLY want out of your head?

I have never acted clingy or needy towards this one that I am really into. I am being very laid back about the whole thing just trying to patiently see where SHE is in her mind, since if we are going to someday be able to take this up a notch it will be based on whatever decisions she makes about where she is going to be living in the near to not so near future — and she is one of these girls who can't sit still or even live in a the same state / country for more than a year while I am almost the opposite and have lived in the same place for over half of my life now.

My friends keep telling me to just roll with it — which yeah — solid advice.

Wondering what people in this community think about a situation like this — especially ways of figuring out where a girl stands mentally in terms of "seriousness" in a LDR without directly asking or acting needy.

She gives off subtle cues here and there, but there are career oriented reasons she really cannot just pack up and move over some "fling" — nor would I expect a girl I have not really spent that much time with to do...

But on the flip side — my boss just got married TODAY — to some girl he met in London about a year ago, who ditched a guy she was going to marry, AND her whole family to move to our country and live with him after several months of who knows what.

I do plan on talking to them about how they dealt with everything at their reception party they are throwing this week. Not marriage minded myself — but I know what I like when I see it let's just say and I've been around the block enough times to know that a girl like this particular one I am wrapped up in mentally is kinda like a once in a lifetime find.

Same thing could be said about the girl my boss ended up with — absolute stunning knockout, head turning babe with a good personality to match! Totally a once in a lifetime find! We are all happy for him since he is a good guy we all like!

Does give one hope that you never know when / where you are going to meet someone who raises the bar like that!

Keep the attraction and fun times going, but always be just a tiny bit "guarded". DO NOT talk about Dating, Boyfirend, Girlfriend, I Love You, or antyhing of the sort!!! Make sure she knows that you enjoy spending time with her, but you also need to make sure that she knows you have a life without her as well, and that you expect her to do the same. And the most important thing of all "Fuck her like a caveman!!!" I mean beat the crap out of her girl parts, you want her walking funny for 3-5 days afterwards, which will have her craving more! Tease her when y'all talk but only enough to get her wet, then take the tension away for a while before teasing her again.

Now for the reality of your situation, You and her will not be together forever and you need to relaize that sooner rather than later! Enjoy the fun and excitement but be mentally prepared to lose her at a moments notice.


Peace...

_________________
Crypto...
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All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

I am doing exactly what you said — but thanks for the re-assurance LOL!

It is definitely fun as hell and I really dig this chick — probably more so than any other girl I've ever been with — but that statement is a bit rash considering the amount of physical time I have spent with her.

I am trying to convince myself that if she were a local that I would get sick of her just like pretty much every other girl I've dated once you get to know their "bad side."

I am not giving up dating other girls, talking about a "relationship" or "boyfriend / girlfriend" etc etc... I had one LDR a few years ago where I kind of went too far in that direction and lost a girl I was really into over it (kinda, at some point she wanted to spark it up again but I didn't) and so fourth. The most I have said to her when I let my guard down is that I really like spending time with her, getting to know her, and I more or less find her to be a fascinating person in general — and she reciprocated those thoughts back to me and it didn't get weird — but I just left it at that.

It is a nice low key kind of thing. Neither one of us are the type to be up each other's ass all day long and act needy, clingy, "OMG we need to move in together!!!" and all that nonsense.

I guess only time will tell if this is just a fun little fling or if somehow the universe will put the circumstances together to allow it to be something more. The reality is quite clear — I mean the reality of her current distance from me and her tendency to never settle down in one place almost kept me from meeting her in the first place. My original intention was to just be 'pen pals' (for lack of a better term) until she comes back to my general vicinity for her career (which was her original plan when we first started talking to each other).

I am normally QUITE aloof and don't get hung up on girls when things go south — I mean I basically mourned the loss of my last 3 year relationship for a span of 2 days and moved on, and here 3 months later I have 3 "FBs" and I put a freeze on meeting new girls for a week or two (I got a little "pussed out" so to speak) — and now I already have a streak of 8 - 10s lined up to start meeting up with next week including a yoga instructor, a 50 year old super cougar who LITERALLY looks like she is 24 (no fucking joke), and another sexy girl with a really hot voice who pretty much seems like she is good to go.

I will sure be busy enough to keep my mind off the one I truly want, or maybe I will meet someone who flips my lid even MORE, so I am quite open minded in that respect — but I am also old enough to know what I like when I see it, or rather when I meet someone of rare beauty and value that is more than your average "hot girl with a decent personality" kind of thing.

But I wholeheartedly agree that if I were to really let my guard down and tell her what is REALLY on my mind, all I would do is KILL IT.

I also need to say your comment about "you won't be together forever so the sooner you realize that the better..." is right on the money.

I think that applies regardless of whether you are in a situation like mine or if you are living with / or married to a girl.

The reason being that as soon as you feel like you "have her" then the passion is going to leave — complacency and expectations change, and people who "get comfortable" in a relationship tend to END those relationships as they either get stale, boring, power struggles, taking advantage of each other, not "keeping up appearances" and letting yourself go physically, and all the other killers of relationships.

Realizing this is a very long winded topic about something pretty simple — I will update it with this...

We had another AMAZING weekend when she flew in to visit. Crazy caveman sex all the way from the time she got there to right before she left.

She actually took over the number one spot on my all time best lays chart — and the significance of that is that NOBODY has ever claimed that spot in my head since HIGH SCHOOL (and I graduated high school 18 years ago).

I had resigned myself to the fact I would NEVER meet another girl like that — and I have probably been with over 30 different girls in those 18 years if I had to count.

So if I didn't have a bad case of oneitis BEFORE last weekend I sure as fuck have it bad now.

The one thing I do know is that she seems just about as crazy over me as I feel about her. However if we were to ever have a "non" LDR the ball is more in her court than it is in mine for that to happen. She has to live wherever her career takes her, and I have responsibilities including children that keep me where I am right now.

I have decided to just let go of the whole thing and let come what may. I am not even close to making this some sort of "exclusive" relationship but I am already bored as hell with the other 2 girls I've been seeing — and one of those is coming to an end this week as she is coming to get her stuff as she figured out I am not very into her anymore.

I am fine with that. I am going out with a hot 9 this week for the first time which should be an easy close, I am thinking first date lay all the way. And I have about 3 or 4 other girls who want to get on the "Rock of Love Bus" so I am by no means bored and lonely in the sex department.

HOWEVER — I have been playing the game long enough to know full well when I meet someone I have real chemistry with on a deep level and not just some fling (as fun as the conquest and hunt are with those).

I feel the best thing I can do is play cool. Try and build attraction over the long distance, see if there is anything about her I can use to convince myself to take her off this pedestal I have put her on in my head — and keep seeing if I can find someone I have the same level of attraction and comfort around who lives closer to home where I can actually take it somewhere.

There are all kinds of people around me getting into all kinds of crazy relationships with people they met long distance — and even from other countries, etc., that all worked out favorably so it has me thinking ANYTHING is possible.

But I also have the cynicism to realize that the happy ending of most LDRs is highly unlikely.

Great .. i have enjoyed reading your post
however. i have an idea in my head. if you guys both "open-minded" as you work yourself and she's going fo phd. why not use SPAM or better.
wishing you good luck ..

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A wise man hears one word and understands two.
— Jewish proverb

I think it is a good idea. Neither one of us have much time for it, but it can sure help make things interesting if we want to continue this and can't see each other in person.

I am just kicking myself this week mainly because of letting this girl get so deep under my skin. I have a date tonight with a hottie but I honestly don't even want to go. I AM going to go LOL — but I am stuck on this one-itis shit bad.

I haven't even called this girl all week since she left, just some basic text messages. I get the vibe this is going to end up going nowhere because of our life situations so I will probably become aloof and just "let it go" since I feel like that would be better than letting myself get wrapped up mentally into something that just can't be.

I've done THAT before and it affected me for a long time.

However, the connection I have with this one cannot be denied — so the conundrum continues.

This is by FAR the most fucked up "whatever it is" that I've ever found myself in with some girl. From the way we met, communicated, everything. I guess "just roll with it" as my friends keep saying to me is the best thing I can do.

I hope that I can meet a girl around home that takes my mind off this shit at the very least. The 2 "FB" girls I have been hanging out with just remind me how much I would rather be with the other one when I am hanging out with them now.

My ultimate goal with all this pick up shit is to find someone to "settle down" with (for lack of a better term) — but not SETTLING for anything — as in I want to find an awesome girl I CHOOSE to settle down with (not just "SETTLE FOR" because nothing better came along).

With that said, this isn't the first time I've met someone from afar who stands way the fuck out compared to the girls I meet around home — but this one is by far the most intense of anything I've ever felt before in that department.

Time will tell I suppose. I just need to let go of the outcome and let it be whatever it is.