Hello everyone, long time lurker/first time poster here. I have a sad and sorrowful tale (okay, it's neither sad nor sorrowful, but I thought that would get your attention). And without further ado...

This story involves my best friend who we'll call Fred, his gf Wilma (whom I'm also good friends with) and his gf's friend Betty (obviously none of their real names). I met Betty last Friday night at a bar and could tell she was into me - at one point we were talking about our ages, and when she found out I was younger she asked "Do you like older women?". She also asked if the girl in my profile pic was my gf, which was just one of many other IOIs she was sending me.

Fast forward to yesterday. I'd chatted with Betty a few times on Facebook, and I decided to use Whoopie's Facebook poke routine, which worked fantastically:

Betty
but you poked me first!

Me
Well that's because you looked very pokeable! Do you always poke back people you've just met?

Betty
not always
you were extra poke-able

Me
we've just met and you're already calling me extra-pokeable....are you trying to seduce me?

Betty
maybe this will answer ur question.. (She pokes me back)

Me
haha, i can already tell you're trouble

Betty
lolll did u get the poke?

Me
maybe this will answer your question... (I poke her back)

Betty
lol we're such dorks

Me
you mean, YOU'RE the dork
you're also most definitely one of those girls my mom told me to stay away from!

Betty
lolll i prob. am one of those girls. BUT i can tell ur way more of a dork than me

Me
oh really? how so?
humor me

Betty
i can just tell

Me
rofl
if you keep up this adorable behavior i might just have to steal you from your bf and whisk you off to a another country with me!
we'll go to mexico and open up a burrito shop
where we'll wear matching sombreros and drink tequila on the beach
i hope you know some spanish cuz we're fucked otherwise

Betty
lolll i know some spanish. but i dont like tequila
lets go to china and you can speak chinese

Me
as long as we still open a burrito shop then sure, why not china?
only instead of sombreros we have to wear matching rice paddie hats
we'll even get a little rickshaw pulled by some unfortunate asian child so we can get around
again, i hope you know some cantonese or mandarin because i sure as hell don't lol

Betty
lolll idk how popular burritos would be there. well i know some japanese. do u think that'll be good enough?

Me
as long as we sell them with chopsticks we should be fine, trust me
and id probably keep the japanese to a minimum lol
we'll just have to communicate with hand gestures and noises

Betty
okay! i did that when i went to europe. i was writing a paper on intercultural communication

Me
ooh, that sounds like it was fun
did you terrorize all the boys in europe while you were there too?

Betty
no lol but i got a couple numbers when i went to japan. there were asian boys everywhere

Me
lol. ill have to keep you on a leash if we go to china
you'd probably like that, wouldn't you

Betty
haha yes.

Me
you better keep this bad girl stuff under control, otherwise i might have to break out the fuzzy handcuffs XD

Betty
niiiice

From here I went into the "3 random things about yourself" routine. After that I get this message....

Betty
yay! im about tot go out to dinner and have to leave now but i'll send u a msg about those things in a bit!

i dont mean to just leave lol sry!

Me
WE'RE THROUGH.

Fast forward again to last night. Fred and Wilma go clubbing with Betty (I unfortunately could not go because I was busy). After they leave the club I get a text from Wilma saying that Betty thought I said some weird things online and that I came on way too strong. She pointed out the "steal her away from her bf" bit and the fact that I kept implying she was obsessed with me part. Overall Betty thought that what I said was weird, but that I was nice. Wilma has also made it a point to tell me on multiple occasions that Betty is a huge flirt.

Still with me? Okay, now for the real question: what do I do? Here are my options, as I see them:

1. Plow through this and pretend I never got the warning text from Wilma
2. Freeze out Betty and ignore her for a few days, then start talking to her again with a lot less flirting
3. Next her

Your thoughts?

What women "say" and what they mean are two different tings. She was bragging to her friend about the flirting, without coming off as a slut to her, by putting the "Flirt Blame" on you! realize that at no time did she admit that she was flirting back, as was clear in the messages she sent to you!

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

The poke routine worked fine.

Mistakes were made here:

"Steal you from your bf" immediately throws up her defenses for him.

In describing this burrito shop, you didn't help her imagine this scenario.
It was too straight forward, non-romantic. Describe what she would hear, see, feel, smell, taste if she went there.

Look through your conversation again, notice how you began speaking more than she did. Seems like you're a little eager to keep the conversation going. Only reply as much as she did.

Then she changed the frame on you and suddenly you were going to china, where she wanted to go.

Minor change, but rather then asking "Did you terrorize all the boys in Europe?" I would have avoided this all together. I think you've conveyed too much interest with not enough value at this point.

Again she is leading the conversation about Japan now and you're responding with awkwardly sexual comments "leash on you" but then you also follow up with a question "you'd probably like that, wouldn't you" to see how she reacts. By doing this you're asking for approval.

You've managed to mention leashes AND handcuffs in an awkward manner. Is this who you are sexually? To convey this stuff requires a certain sexual state. For example one of my older posts mentions how I have a fancy key on a necklace with a few other random items. When they ask about the key, I say "Maybe I'll show you what it's for later" if they push then I ask "do you really want to know" and if we can bounce, then I make the pull. If not I ask them if they can keep an "absolute mega secret" this builds suspense. Then I tell them... "it's the key to my heart" some girls will say how they'll steal it, some will say "no really" and at this point I tell them that they actually go to a pair of fuzzy handcuffs that I keep in the car.

She killed you at "niiiice" the one word response of death.

Then she said goodbye in the same way a club girl has to go to the bathroom, find a friend, or wants to go dance. You were left there.

You should have had a reason to leave before the burrito stand, she called you a dork and you said no, but you should have gone "well I can't chat for much longer, my friends are coming over for dungeons and dragons, or for a riveting shadow duel of yu gi oh" this would have been hilarious. She would have been like "see you are a dork" and you could have been all like "Whaaaat? No way those things are super cool, I bet you do dorky things like read Harry Potter books"

A conversation like that would have flowed much better than what seems like a forced burrito stand in Mexico. The transitions in your conversation were pretty abrupt.

Then, as what seems like a last ditch effort "WE'RE THROUGH"

Okay now for the "what to do" question.

Sarge the next one. Wait for a response for her.
On multiple occasions I have messed up a sarge (live and learn) but time heals all wounds. Give it a awhile, seem less eager. Make it seem like you have options.

If she is really interested then she'll come around.

I knew I made mistakes, but I had no idea just how many I made lol.

From what I can gather things started going downhill when I said "steal you from your bf" and shot myself in the foot. Once she hijacked my frame and I went along with it we were well past just shooting myself in the foot and well into amputating the entire thing.

They say failure is the best way to learn, and boy did I fail. Lessons learned here are maintain both a dominant frame and strong congruency, as well as make sure I don't succumb to what I like to call shark syndrome (smell a drop of blood aka interest, go absolutely crazy pursuing it).

I was considering next-ing this one, and now that I've read your comprehensive report on when and how I failed I think I'll just do that. I can only hope that I was able to plant some image of value I have in her mind through my blunders and that maybe she'll come around. But yea, this one's going on the back burner - I won't be talking to her for a while. Thanks for the help.

I didn't mean to come across as "boy did you fail" instead you should think " I sure did learn something from that"

I think the most important thing you can take away from this lesson is:

1.) Learn to adapt to the conversation
2.) Don't force a particular routine
3.) Know when to bail / always have an FTR (False Time Restraint) and plant it early

Ex.

Her: You're a dork/nerd/geek (can be playful / can be a neg to you)
PUA: Whaaaat?! No way! But hey I can't talk with you long, my friends are coming over for dungeons and dragons in a few. (By saying you have to leave you have NOT rewarded her "picking on you", nor have you punished what could just be playful banter, rather you have made your time valuable. If she wants to talk to you, she'll think twice about picking on you more).

Rofl I don't view this as you ripping me a new one, I really appreciate the help. I am learning a lot from this experience, like the fact that I have essentially no middle game nor online game. I'll just do more research and testing in the field, that's all. Practice makes perfect, right? I'll just have to keep practicing. What exactly I need to practice is entirely another question however...