You are very welcome.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Heyy JSmoooth

Ive got a issue that i would like your opinion on hope you can help!

heres the situation

ive been serious with this girl for a while now at least 6 weeks but we're not in a relationship because shes been hurt in the past and wants time so im giving her space and time, and sat night we went out and she tried to stop herself making out with me to prove she was in control so I took some girl who goes to her college back to mine and well... made out with her on my bed lol, any way apparently she got really jeleous and text me twice etc etc so yeah i pissed her off bad

spoke to her recently and sorted it out although she was really upset and reckons her feelings have changed now ( clearly they havent shes jus saying it or is she?) but i said i would take her out to make it up to her, so we went out last night with another couple, she wanted me to pay, but i didnt because frame control and all that.

but one thing is though she wouldnt kiss me at the end of the night, then she text me later sayin " its not that i dont want to but you ent getting away with things that easily im sorry babe dont be in a mood" (she was refering to what happened at the weekend) she got really really jelous about what happened at the weekend and keeps asking me about how i feel about this girl and whats going on and making constant references to this girl who i had kissed things like " your loves going tomorrow night" to which i replied " you'll have to keep me entertained then" and she replied " we'll see". Im going to this party tomorrow night and both are going to be there. She said on msn the other night after we went out that she doesnt know how she feels anymore, i think shes bluffing personally because i got a lot of ioi's at the cinema (playing with the necklace, looking into my eyes, laughing at my jokes etc etc) also another point she asked me if a certain feature on a girl looked attractive to me and it just so happened that it was a feature that the girl on saturday night had!

I was in the alpha role last night I took control, the only thing I didnt have control over was what film we went to see.

no we havent had sex yet.

but shes coming over on saturday night, i said we'd cook dinner together and she could wash up (alpha role again)

how would you progress to sex from there? and also once your making out, what step do you do next? and so on?

few things i'd really like to know

your opinion on

-does she like me and is she bluffing?

- she got really jeleous should i play on that?

- what else do you suggest?

- how should i act with her?

- and your general opinion about everything ive just said

- is the dinner thing a good idea and if not what would you suggest?

- also she tries to act like shes not interested, this really annoys me because i know she is, how would you suggest dealing with this?

I want to be in a relationship with this girl.

I know how i want to play this but i really do want a third opinion on this.

Many thanks

First of all, this thread is about Online Game. Since you've been in a lengthy relationship with this person that kind of rules out the point of the thread. I'm pretty good about helping people out so let me try and answer all these questions you have proposed to me here.

In my opinion I do think she likes you. Her actions definitely give that away. However, you have to realize something. She is confused emotionally. She doesn't want to leave you or anything but you have hurt her with your actions. That causes a great deal of confusion. That is why she doesn't want to escalate for fear of being hurt again like she was in the past. You just proved your just like the other guy in a way. No one wants someone who plays with their emotions, although some girls have a hard time pulling away from it.

SEX. You asked about progressing to sex with her. Understand right now sex isn't your answer to fixing this. If you do truly want to be in a relationship with her you won't progress to sex yet. #1 it's going to make her uncomfortable, and #2 it's going to make things worse.

Right now you need to be focused on just chilling with her. She needs to know she can be around you with you always expecting SEX. She needs to become comfortable and trusting with you again. The next time you hang out just cuddle, and maybe kiss some. No makeout kissing or hardcore escalating. You want her to get attached to you again.

You are always welcome to ignore this advice and do what you want. I know you want in her pants but let's say you do have sex right now. She just made a huge commitment to someone she's not sure how she feels about. This is going to lead to more mental & emotional anguish inside her. She going to completely lock up, and it'll be twice as hard to continue in a relationship with her.

No, I wouldn't play on her jealousy, this is not a good idea. She emotional enough as it is.

How should you act with her? Perhaps you should relax all the alpha behaviour some. You being supreme alpha male and then stirring her emotions is making it hard for her to reconnect to you. Lighten it up a bit so she can get so see the good guy you are some. There is nothing wrong with this. She needs to find a part of you she can reattach to.

Dinner at home is a good idea. I think you two definitely need some time alone to get closer to each other again. If you have to go out in public to dinner or something then do it. If possible get some time alone.

If she acts disinterested then use disinterested body language. You don't say anything because that's like adding insult to injury. Just turn your body language away from her and so on.

Third Opinion? Who was the 2nd out of curiousity. I'm kidding man I can understand the need for another opinion.

As far as what else I would suggest and my opinions. My advice above is based on the fact you truly want a relationship and not just sex. You know you screwed up with making out with that other girl. Women don't forgive and forget so easily. Be prepared to hear about that incident for some time to come, over and over again. You're going to have to deal with it. Right now you need to be the guy she likes and just hang out with her, kiss her, cuddle, and let her in a little bit. The colder shoulder alpha moves are going to push her away more. It's cool to use them at times you need to control the frame but try not to over do this.

You sound like you have a good girl there that cares about you man. Relax on escalating for a few dates and believe me later on she'll be escalating with you much much easier. Just don't talk about sex, don't push to sex for a encounters. Next time you do push and get ANY resistence STOP. Try again maybe once more later that evening.

Sorry for the long post but you asked a lot of good questions.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Top Guy, you really did answer all my questions,

I can't thankyou enough and yeah she is a great girl, i really hope things will work out

and yeah I won't try to escalate things, but today for the first time on the phone she was sexually suggestive.

I'm gunna do what you said, and well should anything happen where we are escalating to sex then it'll be because she wants it.

Sounds good man. It has been my experience in life that a lot of times hanging back and not trying anything for a while leads women to be more sexual. Whether they admit it or not they are just as sexual if not more sexually minded than we are. They are just better about not talking about it with guys around, men tell everyone.

Glad I could help.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey I made a post a little while back. You said I should e-mail you if I wanted your book. I e-mailed you and have not heard anything in about 2 weeks.

I would still like to read your book.

I apologize for that, and I'm not sure where I placed your email. If you wouldn't mind emailing me one more time at Jon@JSmooth.org I'll make sure you receive it today.

The Online Dating Blackbook I wouldn't say is so much a "book" being that it's just more of a quick handbook so to speak. This covers a lot of advice about setting up your online profiles, what to write, what not to write, etc. If anyone else wants a copy you are welcome to email me, I don't charge for it.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

It's hard to believe there are 25 pages of posts here. Thank you guys for your continued questions. There is a lot of useful information posted on this thread by you all. I appreciate the opportunity to help out.

NEXT QUESTION PLEASE?!?

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

COMFORT ESCALATION THEORY

You may have heard me talk about this around the forum on various posts and even here on this very thread. This is something that is not new to the pickup community at all. It actually is a concept Mystery developed to coincide with his kino escalation. I have taken the concepts from that and applied them neatly to Online Game.

The Theory - The idea of comfort escalation theory is that you are going to have to make her more comfortable with you before escalating to different forms of contact with her.

What forms of contact do I have with her?

1. Email
2. Instant Messenger
3. Phone
4. In Person (end of online game)

Depending on the level of comfort you seem that you have with your online target you can completely skip these steps. These are in no way linear meaning you have to go 1,2,3,4... I have very frequently gone from 1 to 3. or even 1 to 4 in just a matter of a few messages. Much like calibration in the field you have to feel out based on her statements, and how quickly she is responding to you, if you can escalate.

How do we become calibrated? This is done the same as you would "in field" in an actual venue. You will need to spend time doing more online game and talking to women through various forms of communication and you will be able to almost imagine her in set in front of you. Different women can be pushed faster than others.

As an example, I have had to spend days to get a date with some women. With my present girlfriend we went from Craigslist to her Email to me, Instant Messaging, to date setup and # close inside a half day. The next day we met and been together ever since.

You need to realize that during comfort escalation that forms 1,2,3 of communication are very low risk to her. She can easily block your email, or IM screen name. She can easily screen her calls with caller ID as well. It is a luxury of mdoern technology. DO NOT EVER APOLOGIZE if you get shot down while asking to escalate. Simply go back to the form you were on and keep talking. Keep building comfort, and attraction!!! After a while you can try to escalate again.

This very theory is a large portion of my online game that I have done in the past and is discuss in my Online Dating Blackbook that I wrote a while back. I write it here because I know many of you read this post looking for advice and ideas. This is one of the core ideas that I have about Online Game. Many others that are also good with Online Game on this forum and others agree with this theory.

It has worked for many of you who have asked questions of me on this thread and for myself as well. I hope this bit of information helps you get the girl!

Jon

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey Jsmooth, I just got this email frm some girl:
it's werid, im the only girl. no tks i nv play the piano for like a long time? and yeah, jay plays much much more better than me. so yeah plus i think im goin out on fri wif my friends. sry but ur wrong about the part where u said tat i couldn't bear to reject you(: hehs, anyways tks for inviting me. maybe i'll go and watch u all jam for awhile, maybe:D

Hmmm...does this mean she's nt interested or she's playing hard 2 get. Perhaps my C & F came across as arrogance coz (not wanting 2 sound arrogant here but), I'm your typical school jock. How should I repond to the email? Should I just respond with the typical "Playing hard to get already huh? Nice."? Or maybe a "You know you like me" response. And does the part where she says i'm wrong to think she's interested actually mean she's interested? (otherwise why so defensive?)

The original e-mail I sent(just for referrence):
Would you like to come jam with me and my friends on friday? I remember J mentioning that you can play the piano? If you wanna come, we're meeting at bugis mrt at 1p.m (1.45 if you're not having lunch with us). I thought jamming would be a safe bet... this way if you're scary in person, I can just go "Oh, hey umm... I just remembered I gotta go floss my cat at home... it's really important to me..." then we can call it a day.
I mean I know you're scared of meeting such an intelligent charismatic rockstar like myself, because you'll fall so hopelessly in love you couldn't take the rejection, fall into habitual drinking, and eventually kill yourself... but really its okay I'll treat you like an ass and you'll hate me, and life will go on.

I think that the cocky funny was going okay for you. Sounds like she might actually be interested in you here, but you may not have enough comfort built for her to go on a date with you. I would hold off on asking her out again for a little while. Keep some conversation going continuing to build comfort, and then come back to this point where you asked her out.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

i tried the canned opener " is that your real hair... or is that a whig?" and i sent it out to about 30 girls and only a few msged back and most just read it and its been drawn out but they slowly add me to check out my profile and pics and such... i begginging to think this opener isnt very effective.. any ideas for good openers i could expand on for reaching out to girls in my area ive never met in person before and preferably have no relation to them such as friends in common?? we need new women to come to our parties cause the same old groupies just aint cuttin it anymore even tho they range from HB7's- 10+'s

Thanks much!

SX

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SX / 19yrs young / Dayton, Oh.

I am not a big fan of that opener. Openers like this are used a lot and produce random results. There is a lot you are leaving out of this. Are you using that opener on Myspace, Facebook, or a dating site? Different types of sites have slightly different methods for opening women. If you specifically are on Myspace of Facebook I can direct you to threads on the forum that have tons of openers on them that people have used.

IF you are looking for new people to show up at your parties then I highly suggest going out to clubs and places where those types of people go to. Meet them attract them, gain some trust & comfort then get a phone number so you can invite them later.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

oh i hear ya on that man! but its myspace i was doing. only reason im trying this is cause im bored in my office on the computer for half the day so i figured i might make some use out of it, hell. lol and dont worry i use clubs, parties, etc as well just trying to extend it out to the World wide web resource as well mayne.

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SX / 19yrs young / Dayton, Oh.

I am glad that you are using other resources in addition to online to meet women. I hate putting all my eggs in one basket so to speak.

I get bored at work as well, hence why I am able to post on here during the middle of the workday so I know how you feel.

I don't mind people doing online game on networking sites, but personally it really isn't for me. I like using dating sites because the girls are on there for a reason. To me it is about like going to the "girlfriend store" if there was such a place with women stocked on the shelves. You know why they are there and vice versa.

I know some of these sites can cost a little bit of money each month to use but I tend to personally get better results. However, as I mentioned I know a few people in the community like Vapor, Action Jackson, and Whoopie who are able to use networking sites like Myspace and Facebook just as effectively as I can use a dating site.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...