Oh, Ed. Just ... wow.
Tell me you haven't sent a message like that to every single girl who hasn't responded to you on this website. Because some of them may not get the humor, and will probably block you. (But I suppose that's not the end of the world; it's just the internet.)
However, since you did it in such a heartwarming matter (albeit tinged with oddly-placed sarcasm), I'll admit that the imaginary memories were good too. No, not good, great. The stuff of Hallmark movies. Ours is a love that will last forever in our collective imaginations.
Hey, as long as I get both the vacation homes, plus our prize-winning cocker spaniel, I promise I won't violate the terms of Section 4, Clause 5b. I mean, I get it. For you, wearing women's underwear is purely a comfort thing.
Goodbye forever! I'll think of you fondly.
---------MY REPLY-------
Agreed, not the end of the world at all. I probably would have found them excruciatingly dull anyways. To answer your question only women with sexy minds *drool* get a second chance. Yours is, well, borderline so I gave you the benefit of the doubt.
The lingerie thing was purely a defense mechanism in response to the traumatizing infidelity you seemed intent on perpetuating throughout our memorable relationship. I can assure you that after a 100 plus hours of intense psychological therapy and rehabilitation I have given up the lingerie. I have also found it within my heart to reconcile with Pablo the pool boy and Tiberius your personal trainer. I do have to admit though, as I have been losing sleep recently; I had a threesome with two of your bridesmaids the day before the weeding. It would seem we were doomed to fail. I hope this doesn’t get too heated, I simply can’t give up the dog that easily. Haven’t you taken enough from me!
Your ex-hubby
Ed
P.S. Little Eddie is starting to ask when mommy is coming back.
_______________________________________________________________
Another result from a girl that is like 10 minutes a way from me. To make it seem more realistic i threw in some localized spots like a popular mexican place and the local stadium. Here it is with her response:
Subject: Have you an imagination?
So here's the deal I spent a few minutes dissecting your profile and I thought I'd let you know that I have already decided to marry and then divorce you in my over active imagination.
Thank you for all the wonderful imaginary memories, we will always have the time you threw up all over that nice elderly couple at la vics after a night out on the town. Or even the fight you got into with the concession guy at hp pavillion during a sharks game.
Your ex-hubby
Ed,
P.S. I've decided you can keep the vacation home in Honolulu if you agree to abide by the stipulations prescribed in section 4, clause 13b of the prenup.
Her Reply:
This was an amazing fantasy that kept me entertained for a full minute. That therefore deserves a reply, because I get a lot of messages - which is why I deleted my pictures! You seem like an awesome guy.
(She had some pretty sexy photos up earlier.)