Okay I know this might go under field report but I thought since this was from online dating it should go here.

My Profile.

"If men knew what women were thinking life would be boring, if women knew what men were thinking life would be lonely!"

"I am not the typical guy on here. I am not looking for a woman to complete my life but to be a part of it. My life is pretty great. I have a job I love, great kids, financial security, good friends, I just bought a house and I find myself smiling just because.

I am an amazing cook. Come on, I’m Italian. I love the aroma of a delicious meal permeating my house. Nothing is sexier than a woman who closes her eyes and moans tasting what I prepared for her and giving me that, you aced it, smile.

I love taking day trips to Sonoita to visit their incredible wineries. Inhaling each wine before that first taste, sipping it into my mouth and letting my tongue explore its flavor. You just don’t have any clue unless you’ve been there.

The fragrance of rain still gets me and I often find myself on my patio savoring it along with moisture on my skin from the dampness in the air.

Or gazing up at the star speckled sky while eating a succulent peach, its juices running down my chin as I try to fathom how small we really are.

Now you probably want to know whether I am a fun date. I'm more than the usual amount of interesting and funny, so you'd better like to laugh. I like to go out and have fun. If we meet for drinks don't expect to just sit at the bar while we interview each other. I will pick a place that has something going on, either a live band, dancing, karaoke or in the very least a pool table. I won't be meeting you for coffee because this isn't a business meeting. This is dating and its supposed to be fun. For those of you who think Starbucks is a great start, how many people have you met there and actually got to the third date with? Exactly.

Things I won't do. I won't Sext you nor will I ask you for naked pictures. That's just tacky. I have seen naked women before. I am not 12.

If you want to know more lets chat and see what kind of friends we can make, I don't bite....Actually thats not true.

I am a sucker for a good conversation so I hope you can keep up!

"If you can't answer the following question correctly I am not the guy for you.
If you are driving 80 MPH, how long will it take you to drive 80 miles?

Also please don't send me boring messages like:"Hey sexy", I will NOT reply."

With 50 Shades of Grey being so popular right now I thought I would play on that with the wording on my profile and its working awesome. I have had 3 women message me just looking to hook up.

Now here is my initial contact message I send. It will seem familiar but i tweeked it a bit.

I'm not sure what got my attention the most; but I DO know that the spelling, grammar & intelligently written profile had a lot to do with it! ;o)

However your pictures capture an unmentioned quality about you... Something in your eyes, gives away the fact that you're a bit spunky/sassy. There's a more upbeat, frisky, adventurous side that you didn't describe. But it's totally noticeable & you could probably be given the nickname "Miss Sassy-Pants" & it would be well suited to you."

If you come across this clearly in written word, I bet you're an absolute riot in real life!
Have a happy Monday!!

So I find this HB9 who has a dozen pics of herself up and says how adventurous and active she is and all that usual crap. So I send her my email and this is what i get back hours later.

"Ok i have a confession to make. I just read your profile and WOW I loved it. But we do have a little problem. Your little quiz stumped me. I'm not good at math or driving . But I think we have alot in common. I love enjoying a glass of wine, sitting on my patio watch a thunderstorm roll in, and sitting on the hood of my car enjoying the night sky. Anywho......I hope the whole 80mph question doesn't ruin my chances to getting to know you better. Have a beautiful day."

So of course I neg her about not being the brightest crayon in the box by my fav color is grey anyways and as long as she is fun and a good kisser then I can over look some things.

So she says, "Yes i love to have fun, but not to loose my head. Do you want to meet. I have some time tonight."

We talk back and forth suggesting places to meet and at one point throws this is in because every time she suggests a place close to her I suggest a place close to me. "Are you ready to drive a little to see the girl of your dreams "

So we meet at a place more in the middle that I suggested and its a pretty busy happy hour. She is looking smoking hot in a short colorful dress some cleavage and legs for days. And she is tall about 5'11.

We chit chat a bit and I am actually getting bored. She's hot but not very interesting. So i ask her if she's a social person and she of course says she is and I say great lets go mingle.

So I start opening sets. I introduced her as my parole officer to one group and my witness protection program handler to another. During all this she starts getting touchy with me, total IOIs. After a couple hours of this she says she has to go to a pool party at a friends house. So I walk her back to her mini van and before i can eve say nice to meet you she has me pinned against the van her tongue down my throat. I taker her keys out of her hand unlock the doors and pull her into the back. She was a complete wildcat.

That was four days ago. She wants to meet this weekend but I already made plans with 2 of the girls from the happy hour that slipped me there numbers.

Gotta love the Game!!!