She states in her profile that she's 34, but a teenager in her own mind...

me: Hey where did the time go? 34 already... I so know the feeling!

I guess that makes you a milf, haha.
Question is: are you looking for a dilf, or are you a cougar?

her: Subject: egotistical normally equals small penis

Oh my.. You're a fun read.. I wonder if you're anywhere near as interesting in person..

Your charisma is inducing smiles from here in Wiltshire and already I feel an urge to hit you around the face with something just to see what reaction it gets.. (I know it's bad that I just admitted that) but hey.. it's a good thing if you think about what it really means..

me: Haha! I was gonna get all defensive when I saw your title line, and say something to the effect that size doesn't matter... but then I tugged on my belt, and looked down my pants, and decided that I had not reason to feel compelled to rise to the challenge

Good job I did: I might have missed the rest of your message otherwise. You come across as more than a bit witty!

I took a more careful look at your profile (I'll admit to being shallow and pretty much just looking at your pics before sending you a bit of a generic message!): there seems to be a fundamental honesty about you! A milf with an introspective streak: that's a new one for me!

Go ahead and aim at the face ; you're right: it is a good thing, and it sounds vaguely like some kind of kinky sexual foreplay

her: I slap your face.. You dared me.. You slap me back (reflexes kicked in) then, I have to think quickly "do I want to slap you again?" I do.. and just as I do it.. You see the unsure expression like big cartoon letters rolling past my eyeballs.. You slap me back again.. this time (not so hard) it wasnt a physical reflex but a mental one.. and now it's become about will.. and stubbornness and you can't deny that it's sooo damn horny.. Who will stop first do you think?

me: You've done it and thrown down the gauntlet now!

I suspect I'll probably throw in a few more slaps before my will power caves in -not enough to make you cry, but whetever it takes to get you flushed and out of breath: the prospect of nails digging in my back and hot make-up sex might just be enough motivation for me to allow the sexual tension to escalate a bit more ))

her: ha oh but i want to cry just a little bit it won't stop me and i don't reckon it would stop you either.
there's something a little bitter sweet about it all. a lot of men would never slap back to begin with i'm
all for it when there's a greater purpose such as heightened sexual arousal. my internet has died and i'm
being forced to use mobile internet. i'll send you something when i get back on to real internet.

me: You're a bit of a kinky one, ain't you?

The 'my interet has died' excuse is a bit pathetic, so you're gonna have to make it up to me
Give me 3 more good reasons why I might want to get to know you better (don't worry, I'll reciprocate: we don't want you to be sexting a complete dickhead, do we?).

her: erm... I don't know why you would ever want to get to know me better.. )

I'm a social retard living among the "norms" I have verbal tourettes coupled with the overwhelming desire to tell the truth at all times.. even if (actually especially) when it's self deprecating!
My mind has entirely no boundaries and if we could get locked up for our thoughts.. I'd have been deemed too far gone to lock up.. they'd burn me..

I have the ability to sound like everything you would ever want.. without actually telling any lies but I will never be everything you want.. for reasons neither of us will be able to define.. Or maybe you'll just keep them to yourself.. I dunno...

I'm rather a good fuck but I don't do the just sex thing so that can't qualify as a reason to get to know me.. erm.. I'm a writer!! I write erotic stories... sometimes I have written and published stories about screwed up sexual experiences.. back in the days before I learned what I've learned.. about myself.. and about you lot!

Have I blown it yet!

me: Yea, I'm afraid you have blown it;)

You've shown you've got enough emotional bagage that we'd be totally wrong for each other. The slapping sessions might be frequent and increasingly heated, but on the plus side we'd have fantastic make-up sex.

You're far more than a pretty face though, and that is intensely attractive... Why don't you give me your messenger or SPAM so we could carry on with this conversation?

her: ********aby@hotmail.com and my mobile: ************503

These are fun to read; I learn a lot about online game this way. Let's make a thread of these!

I recently number closed a model on cupid... I'll post screen shots in a bit!

nicely done man.

What else would you suggest starting with on PoF or okCupid for different age groups? maybe 20-30 years.

what can you talk about to get them "hot and bothered"?
I've never really been able to do this, unless its chicks I already know and they know my sense of humor.

thanks in advance brah

I see a fun converrsation here. But a complete failure at gaming. All of her intitial statements are sarcastic. In the purest girly catfight sort of way.

once you use a word like 'milf' you're done. Your value is unrecoverable.

Also(sorry) your penis size joke conveyed enough thought process into making it that it made your penis 'sound' quite small.

"me: Haha! I was gonna get all defensive when I saw your title line, and say something to the effect that size doesn't matter..."

too late. this sentence already completely gives you away as defensive and concerned about penis size. if this wasn't a concern, the possibility of taking her seriously simply wouldn't have crossed your mind.

"took a more careful look at your profile (I'll admit to being shallow and pretty much just looking at your pics before sending you a bit of a generic message!): there seems to be a fundamental honesty about you! A milf with an introspective streak: that's a new one for me! "

A good attempt at conveying sincerity by confessing, but the follow up completely fails.

"there seems to be a fundamental honesty about you!"
sounds completely contrived and goal driven.