Before I share with you the missive I've got lined up for a girl on OKCupid, I have to admit that I am rather struck by her. Her profile says "smart" and her pictures say "cute as a button"- in short, the type of girl that routinely turned The mooncalf youth of my yesteryear into a tongue-tied, stammering amalgamation of every character Hugh Grant has ever played. I blame Hollywood for making me believe that this is attractive.
As follows:

Subject: This message may change your life!

…But then again it may not, I just wanted to open with something other than “hey, u iz r8 peng”
It’s like this, I don’t really hold with this type of thing but you seem to be an interesting person so I had to talk to you. Your profile is peppered with self-deprecation which I know some people affect to come over as cute but you strike me as being remarkably honest and open-minded, and although you say you’re not too good at describing yourself you make your profile very personal which is refreshing after so many stunted biographies on dull profiles where the focal point is a bunch of photos of the person in various degrees of undress…

Now I have a confession to make, I don’t know the capital of Peru but I do have a Peruvian friend who looks like Dora the Explorer which is much better and if it’s really important I’m sure she’ll tell me what I need to know.
So, has this changed your life?

I'll append that the bit about Peru is a refference to her "message me if..." section and to be completely honest that's where most of my doubt lays, I'm worried that from that part onwards I just seem weird while I actually had an angle towards funny.

So, what's the verdict?

I would say the tone of your email is sort of submissive, and you were giving her too many compliments. The first message should be a witty or comment on her profile, or you can tease her about something she mentioned in the profile.
Keep it short, but interesting enough to hook her.
My strategy is usually grab something she mentions in the profile, throw in a funny future projection with it and tease her. I got replied back most of the time.

Here is an example I sent for a girl that mention "If you're here to break my heart, get the fuck off my page" on her profile

I can't break what is already broken. Neither that I'm here to glue it back piece by piece for you. I'm just here to advertise my own brand of super glue
Disclaimer: Money back guaranteed. You have 30 days trial before return for full refund. I will not be hold responsible for any side effect you might be experiencing such as blah blah blah

Honestly, I don't like it. It's trying too hard and even the playful comments are cemented in too serious of a post.

I would re-write the whole thing to be honest. The only part I might use is the part about the Peruvian friend. Like the other comment said, keep it playful and short. The whole change your life aspect seems a bit cheesy. sorry