Critique my online game (pretty long read)



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PostPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 6:26 am 
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Joined: Sat Jul 05, 2008 11:07 pm
Posts: 36
ME:
Hey, my ex and I just broke up and she is stalking my profile... could ya send me a fun/sexy comment to make her a little jealous?
Her:
no problem.... what do you want me to say... give me an idea
Me:
lol, idk be creative ;)
Her:
sorry if its a lil much. im not good at the funny thing.
(the comment)
hey babe!!!=] loveeee talking to you ;) haha cant wait til we hang out its gonna be soo much fun!!!!! dont forget to call me tonight! :)
(keeping in mind this is the first time i've even spoken to this girl)
Me:
works just fine by me lol, now if we can just turn that fictional comment into something real...tell me about yourself
Her:
hahaha

umm im 18 from LOCATION. going to COLLEGE in the fall..... umm what else do you wanna know?
Me:
tell me why yur cool enough to be chatting with an exclusive character like me :P
Her:
umm because i just help you get back at your ex :)
Me:
you definitely did lol, i'm sure she'll flip out

why did you choose COLLEGE?

what do you wanna do after graduation?
Her:
cause its better than county and i applied to late at OTHER COLLEGE.... and i have nooooo idea what im gonna do.
Me:
no direction yet??

it'll all come in time

tell me a bit more about yourself
Her:
what do you wanna know?
Me:
whats the craziest thing you've ever done?
Her:
hmmm are we talking pg crazy or xxx crazy?
Me:
idk, you tell me :P
Her:
well normal would be... idk jumping off 80ft cliffs...
xxx would be having sex in the back room at work on camera. (IOI?)
Me:
WOW, you are wild and sexy, a little too wild and sexy for me :P
Her:
nahhh. just like to have a good time.
Me:
certainly sounds like it ;)

so tell me the 3 best things about yourself
Her:
ummm my ideas. my eyes. my crazy side
Me:
yeah, i'm definitely liking the eyes
Her:
thankyou.


did the ex see my comment yet?(continuing the convo i thnk this is an IOI)
Me:
im not sure yet, i'll let you know when she does tho

oh, and btw you owe me some compliments now too ;)
Her:
oh yea? who says?
Me:
only the coolest person you know (me) :P
Her:
ohh. see i think you do enough complimenting of yourself that i dont have to :)
Me:
o'rly?

well if yor gonna leave me hanging like this then idk if this will workout between us :PP
Her:
ohh wel excuse me.... see if i do you a favor next time. (is this some type of shit test or soemthing)
Me:
:(

i was just joking (note the :PP at the end of the message), your a pretty awesome girl...suxs i'm going to college in REGION...you seem like a girl i could see myself spending some time with :) (rewarding her with an IOI)
Her:
oh yea? where you going? (IOI continuing the convo right?)
Me:
MY COLLEGE

right in the middle of the hood lol
Her:
had you ever been to CITY before you applied there?
Me:
I applied to all 3 COLLEGE campuses and only got accepted there, so it was between that, COLLEGE, or COLLEGE...i picked COLLEGE because it was the cheapest, and they are giving me some scholarship money
Her:
ohhhh makes sense

eh CITY isnt that bad. just dont give anyone shit and you will live
Me:
yaa, i should be able to handle my own there

i'm getting soo tired, and its not really that late

perhaps we can continue this conversation some other time ;)
Her:
suree message me whenever
Me:
that was my hint for you to give me ur number lol

ur not so good at this game haha :P
Her:
sorrrry... you should have just said that.... PHONE NUMBER
Me:
well i'm about to hit the sheets, try not to dream about me all night now ;]
Her:
haha ok... night

PLZ tell me my strong/weak points

i will love you forever (no homo) if you read through the whole thing


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 2:57 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:11 pm
Posts: 607
Location: UK
Sounds good man. Though to me in and around the early/middle stages you coulda asked less questions, looked almost like a bit of an interrogation and I think that could be why she shit-tested you. I think you brought in your SOI at just the right time though.
Just to say I have basically no experience to go on with this, just going on instinct here so don't take the above as gold lol.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 09, 2008 7:23 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 09, 2008 3:38 pm
Posts: 582
Location: Finland.
Great opener.

But now, let me break it down for you completely.
Quote:
why did you choose COLLEGE?

what do you wanna do after graduation?
This was your first problem = interviewing her.
Quote:
Me:
WOW, you are wild and sexy, a little too wild and sexy for me Razz
Her:
nahhh. just like to have a good time.
Me:
certainly sounds like it Wink
Wrong neg. Could have done alot more better. Heres it fixed:

Her: well normal would be... idk jumping off 80ft cliffs...
xxx would be having sex in the back room at work on camera.

PUA: Whoah your crazy! I like it... Too bad, I don't date girls who are blonde ;)! (give a stupid simple reason why you couldn't date her.)
Quote:
Her:
ummm my ideas. my eyes. my crazy side
Me:
yeah, i'm definitely liking the eyes
Her:
thankyou.

did the ex see my comment yet?
You just complimented her like an AFC, which after she changed the topic to some less serious and released the tension. No, it wasn't an IOI.

An example of IOI in that case would have been something like "What color are your eyes?"
Quote:
Me:
im not sure yet, i'll let you know when she does tho

oh, and btw you owe me some compliments now too Wink
Her:
oh yea? who says?
Me:
only the coolest person you know (me) Razz
Overcocky. More fun, less cocky. Have them balanced.
Quote:
Her:
ohh. see i think you do enough complimenting of yourself that i dont have to Smile
Me:
o'rly?

well if yor gonna leave me hanging like this then idk if this will workout between us RazzP
Her:
ohh wel excuse me.... see if i do you a favor next time.
You are sounding too needy. Also there was no shit test, it was an IOD.
Quote:
Me:
Sad

i was just joking (note the RazzP at the end of the message), your a pretty awesome girl...suxs i'm going to college in REGION...you seem like a girl i could see myself spending some time with Smile (rewarding her with an IOI)
Her:
oh yea? where you going? (IOI continuing the convo right?)
Now you came back to her like a crying little puppy, rewarding her for her IOD.

No IOI, what she did is called "being polite".


Now I will skip all the comfort speech.
Quote:
Me:
yaa, i should be able to handle my own there

i'm getting soo tired, and its not really that late

perhaps we can continue this conversation some other time Wink
Her:
suree message me whenever
Resistant to give her number out, I bet she will flake... But anyway, you are still practicing ;)!

Your ending was nice enough though.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 12:02 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:38 am
Posts: 84
Why are you sending so many messages to her? All you actually need is two-three messages and then you should take it to the phone. Simple.


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