Hey peeps

I have had AA for ages not just with girls but with random people as well, I really don't understand this because I am an very confident guy, I make great eye contact and I know I have seen loads of girls check me out yet I still can't approach as it is the most irritating worry of rejection. I just wanted to see if some of you experts out there had experience of having a lot of confidence but bad AA and how you got over it?

I think mystery explained it in the following way:

In the old days when all we relied on were instincts to survive and procreate, if a male were to approach a female with the intention of sex and failed, he would be killed by his peers. That's if I remember the story correctly

It sounds harsh but those instincts are wired in us. I'm not saying that you'll be killed if an approach isn't perfect! I'm saying that you have that fear of approach wired in you because you don't want to die.

Your case sounds a little different. You're afraid of approaching both sexes. Let me ask you a quick question. Would you feel nervous approaching a 4ft tall 300 pound woman? Maybe not. I'm guessing it has to do with this whole acceptance theory mystery spoke about. If the girl of your fantasies were standing 10ft away you'd be scared shitless to approach her yeah? What if the girl of your fantasies is standing 10ft away but her bag's on fire? Would you shut up and let her get burnt? Or perhaps you'd shout out to her to help her? Yeah you probably would shout out to her. Why? Because what you're doing is helping her right? Your shout is a good experience for her life. Now why do you think going up to her and entering her world if she's not on fire is a bad thing? That's the question you need to answer man. And then you can realise that entering her life is one of the best things you can do for her.

In essence AA stems from feelings of inadequacy and a lack of confidence. This applies to both sexes. You feel that you will not improve their lives so you won't approach. Once you realise that you may be the one person that they needed in their lives to make it happy and complete you can approach anyone.

I was a part time actor. Mostly in plays. Getting up on stage and having all of the hundreds of eyes on you is a scary thing. But I had the confidence to do that with the utmost calmness. Yet when I wanted to approach a set I'd feel that anxiety start in the chest. It would spread and you'd make that inevitable swallow. I had to change my train of thinking to help me be able to approach.
I'm not an expert but that's how I did it. It might creep up from time to time but I know how to handle it. Hopefully I helped man!

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Fox

thanks fox, never really thought of it like that but makes a lot of sense

This may seem like a radical point but I believe the general advice on AA is terrible.

Have you ever approached a strange girl in the street and asked her directions, the time, when the next bus was or whatever? If you have, then you've already done approaches, without even realizing.

What tends to happen is you build up this big notion of "approaching" in your mind which telegraphs sexual interest and is overpowering initially. Many aspiring PUA's never get past this.

Just use something situational to begin with, telegraph no sexual interest whatsoever. You can usually tell straight off if she's interested. If she is there'll be some kind of IOI, flicking her hair, looking at you and smiling, sometimes she'll even expand on the conversation herself. AA should be much reduced by this stage because you're already in conversation.

If she doesn't give you and IOI then the interaction is probably going nowhere anyway. No embarassment whatsoever in terminating a conversation at its natural point of termination, impossible to feel rejected.

At some point, and this is where more conventional PUA thinking comes in, you need to stop giving a damn about IOI's and just hit on anything hot that moves, in order to develop as a PUA. However, this is much easier if you already have experience of talking to women.

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Re-wire her subconscious mind, seduce ANY girl:-

http://www.amazon.com/Arcana-Seduction- ... B00CTPZQCQ

you have to keep on trying. you will never find gold if you dont search

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So there we have it!

I have the same problem. I am confident and exude it, but I am not confident enough to approach people. Call it AA. I think it's because of culture: people try to avoid everyone all the time. Many people think that you want something of them if you start talking to them, and thus try to avoid you. People who feel that others try to avoid them constantly, get negativly reinforced by others. This is why your body is forcing you to not approach other people.

I've read a lot of PUA stuff about AA. I followed most advice and adopted my frame of mind so that I didn't care anymore. Ironicaly, the thing what happened, is that for a certain period I often nervously but easily opened girls, but still got rejected or negativly reinforced, which caused me to get more AA later.

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You WANT to make a change.
You CAN make a change.
You WILL make a change.

Ambitious to be succesfull => Shyler

I also struggle with approaching just random strangers. I'm working on that one now.

Something to say bubbles up in my mind and I keep my mouth shut and get anxious about it instead.

Like tonight I went to the gym, saw a guy who I met briefly a couple of months ago. I was sitting right next to him and didn't say anything. I looked at him back he didn't look at me. He's probably got the same issue as me! lol. Anyway, that doesn't help, it's a stupid reason to have a lonely life.

I tried the rules of the game challenge. First one was to approach 5 strangers to start a conversation and it took me 3 days.

I'm confident enough to be friendly when I have something to say.

Tomorrow I'm gonna keep it simple and just ask 5 people for the time. We'll see how it goes.