Hey guys!

My life has been lived in a rut for about the last 15 years or so. I totally sucks I never knew exactly what the problem was. After doing research on line, I think I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and Social Anxiety. These are the main two problems I suffer from. There are other factors involved but these are the main ones.

Since I rarely talked to women growing up and now (im 27) I am very inept when it comes to talking to them. I learned lots of routines and materials and have never been able to put it into practice.

Does anyone else suffer from this crippling problem? How is this problem overcame?

Thanks

I am sorry to hear that, but maybe you should look for professional help. Everyone needs help once a while. It is no big deal.

You said that you never talk to women, and you were not able to put the materials into practise: this is probably a step too big in once. Take it easy bro! Start small. Start with talking to women in general without gaming. Once that goes smoothly, you go further.

No shame, lots of people has social anxiety. But some people are better in hiding this than others. Good luck and take care!

I used to be extremely shy and socially awkward. I wanted to avoid all social interactions at all costs for a while.

Then I began to realize that that isn't any way to live my life so I started playing a bunch of sports, worked out alot until I got a nice body and bought some nice clothes to get my confidence up.

I've made many friends and have had many girlfriends. My ex HB9 gf still begs for me back to this day. I would have never dreamed of being able to sleep with these types of girls a few years ago.

To summarize, you can overcome anything. Life's too short to be scared shitless of everything.

I'd echo the above.

The point is... your brain is hard-wired to doing all the things women don't find attractive. Being non-social, probably not working out etc.

In order to overcome this you need to strategically work out a plan and stick to it.

You have to start re-wiring your brain to make yourself a fun loving dude.

It's going to be hard... Like sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to realize this...But if you stick to it, eventually you'll start seeing results.

Like all things in life, there is really no short cut. You have to go at it the long way round. Ciao.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

You want to get a professional diagnosis before you start jumping to conclusions. Internet self-diagnosis isn't good enough.

If you really do have avoidant persoanlity disorder, all the game in the world won't help. It's possible to be fun, well-groomed, confident, and interesting while completely shutting everyone else out.

But you need to find out for sure. Lonliness, despair, and too much free time on the internet is a nasty combination. You might not be as bad as you think.

This forum isn't going to cure any personality disorder Also the worst diagnosis is a self diagnosis so go seek professional advice as things may be better than you think.

_________________
My past is a memory, my present fleeting and my future is inevitable.

Hey guys,

I always felt I had a problem throughout my life. After doing resarch, Avoidant Persoanality Disorder seems to most closely match with the symptoms I have. I don't have nervous breakdowns from just talking to people or anything like that. My problem is I feel unworthy, shame, and ineptness when talking to people whom I percieve to be of high value. Basically any attractive woman.

Here is an example of how APD affects me: I see a HB and I think to myself "she probably has a boyfriend, why should I even bother to approach her". "If I approach her, it will lead to nothing but reinforcing me being socially inept". "If I talk to her, I will have nothing to say". "There is a lot more attractive guys out there that she could meet". These phrases are just a few of the things that run around inside my head. Logically all of these phrases are probably bullshit, so I just avoid the situation at all, which makes me feel even worse for not being able to talk to someone I would like to meet.

Perhaps you guys are right about not being as bad as I think and self-diagnosis. I would really like to see a therapist, but I don't have any insurance that will pay for it. I lost the job that I had due to APD. I was really intimidated to talk to manager and as a result, I was let go. And besides, I went to see 3 different therapists throughout my life and none of them were able to help me. There have been many things i've tried and have not been able to cure this. I do have a problem of overthinking things in my head. Is there a way to know for sure if this is truely the issue I have?

thank you

Great posts guys especially the above. It's made me run straight to the gym now.

Sounds rough dude. A surge of confidence might be enough for most people to get out of a rut, but will only be a temporary fix if you have a real disorder. With APD, long-term social comfort rarely comes no matter how much awkwardness you power thru.

Still, you need that temporary rush to get a job, insurance, and remian motivated to get the most out of professional help. It won't be easy. At this point you should get off the internet and start doing stuff to raise your energy level.

I havent read all the post but Citalopram makes you care less about stuff recommend trying that. I had heavy social anxiety year ago and now I look like one of the more confident guys in the crowds. At worst I didnt want to go school and also even family stuff made me nervous like going home for christmast. For after fighting my way through most of it I feel pretty good. There are remnants of anxiety left and still afraid of some social situations but thing is that now I can face them.

Only way you can really get rid of fears is to accept them. Dont fight back just accept it. Meaning even when you get nervous and go red or what ever is your thing just dont care about it. Easier said than done but year of practice it gets easy, For exsample I have zero fear of being in front of growds SPAM.

Bad sides of being more confident is that you will lose some of your friends. You will get new ones ofc but still you see that there might have been some friends that werent good friends to begin with they just were only ones you got.

In conclusion Citalopram + exposing yourself to high pressure situations is way to go.

_________________
Still learning

The best way to begin is to start changing yourself with utilitizing NLP-patterns.

If you avoid people you have bad experiences from the past.

A good way of changing that fear of people, of fearing to talk is to create feelings that are positive and anchor these situations to other feelings.

Just get up every morning and say: I feel I can like people. Repeat it 10 minutes and experience the change. Your unconsious is most active the hours you wake up or sleep almost.

other patterns are: I know I love talking because I need to speak more.
I can talk more because talking to people becomes fun.

It's not so difficult if you just buy a couple of NLP-books.

If it doesn't work after a while you might use pills, or change your food habits and eat food that calms down people's mind.

Hay man ,

I have a little bit of that , read a lot of materyal about social anxiety disorder (10 books) .

what you need to do :

1. work on your inner game A LOT
2. take the serious "overcoming social anxiety step by step" of the amerikan psychologis Dr. Richard A. Thomas .
3. go to a shrink : preferabaly cognitibe therapist or cbt therapist

good luck
life are too shoet to waste them on suffering

===========================

Great post, good advice about the NLP books and being consistent. But the last part of your post is pretty much useless. No matter how healthy you eat, even if you eat the most healthy relaxing food ever, it won't do shit to real social anxiety.It might 'calm you down' when you are having some light nervousness about something, but won't do shit when having real anxiety problems. The best food doesn't even compare to a drug or something.

_________________
The king or the devil?
Fuck knows... Maybe both =))

I agree with the people who said work on your inner game. I had problems with social comfort also, sort of. For some reason I have a rating system in my head that a person is better than me, (older or more experienced at something=better) or worse than me (younger or less experienced at something= worse), which translates into, I care what they think of me and I dont care what they think of me.

So for me I realized i just have to not give a fuck what anybody thinks of me, I am better than everyone else. Probably not healthy but o well, its working, im becoming way more confident, and actually talking to women.

So thats what I did, I hope my experience can help you out.

I dont want to be mean and Im saying this in your best intrest

But what youve got is an excuse and having an excuse most of the time keeps you in a continuous circle In which its impossible to change.

E.g.

P1 : Your so fat
p2: Ive got an eating disorder I cant help it

continues to be overweight and continues to eat more justifying own actions with a Clinical Label This person will always remain fat if they keep justifying their actions because of their "eating disorder" you see what Im saying , dont justify your actions and be like " Oh no i wont do this today because I have a personality disorder,If they ask they will understand why Im not doing this" Bullshit just do it and dont make excuses !

Mind over matter Good luck with breaking out your shell !